Wisdom Of The Rooms - 2018
 

January 1

Quote of the Week

“But by the grace of God, there go I.”

In early sobriety, I sometimes had trouble identifying with other people’s alcoholism, and often wondered whether I belonged. After all, I had never been to prison for manslaughter while driving drunk. I never robbed a liquor store in a blackout, or woke up in a different state – or country – not know how I had gotten there. There were countless other things that had never happened to me either. As I discussed this with my sponsor, he said I hadn’t experienced these things – yet.

As I started working the Steps and writing inventories, I began to see what he meant. First of all, I actually had crashed a car while drunk, and I had been arrested for it when I was seventeen. Thankfully, I hit an empty parked car, and no one in my vehicle was injured. Other inventories revealed plenty of times I blacked out and came to in strange circumstances. As I looked deeper, I identified more with the stories I heard, and I felt the gravity of the word “yet.”
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Today, I know my stories could have ended very differently if I had continued drinking, and any of the outcomes I heard others share could easily have been my fate as well. Moreover, I also know that any of these terrifying endings could be in my future as well – they are only one drink away. Today, when I see or hear these stories, I say a quiet prayer of gratitude, for I know that “but by the grace of God, there go I…”

January 8

Quote of the Week

“Faith is spelled a-c-t-i-o-n..”

I did a lot of thinking when I was drinking. I’d think about how bad my life was and how things weren’t going to get any better. As I kept drinking, I thought about all the things I could do, and after a few more drinks, I thought about how good I’d feel if I did them. After a while, I stopped thinking, couldn’t remember where I was, and I entered oblivion. Finally, I had some peace from thinking – until I came too. Then it all started again.

When I got sober, I started wearing my sponsor out with all the things I was thinking. They say early recovery is a roller coaster ride – first up with new found hope and possibility, then down with regret and remorse. I took anyone who would listen to me along on the ride. After a while, my sponsor directed me into the Big Book, and showed me there was a chapter called, “Into Action,” not “Into Thinking.”

What I discovered about my thinking was that the majority of it was based on fear. My sponsor showed me that the way out of fear was through faith in a Higher Power, and the way to cultivate that was by taking action. “Fake it until you make it,” I heard over and over again. “Do the things you would do if you had faith, and suddenly you will find that you do,” was another. So I got into action, and my life changed. Even today, I remember to feel the fear, but to take the action anyway.

And every time I do, things get better, opportunities open up, and my Higher Power shows me the way.

January 15

Quote of the Week

“We’re responsible for the effort, not the outcome.”

When I got sober, I didn’t know how I was ever going to fix everything in my life. All the relationships I had ruined, all the bridges to jobs and opportunities I had burned, there didn’t seem anyway I could control and manipulate everything back into place. How was I going to get all the people I had stolen from to forgive me? How was I going to get healthy after all the abuse I’d inflicted on myself? How was I going to get my family to trust me again? I didn’t think I could pull it off.

Luckily, my sponsor assured me that I didn’t have to. In fact, he told me I could never be responsible for other people’s attitudes and reactions to me. That wasn’t my job. Instead, he told me my job was to stay sober, clean house, and take the next indicated action. In doing my Ninth Step, he told me I was responsible for admitting my faults, and making sincere amends. Whether or not someone forgave me wasn’t up to me. I was responsible for the effort, not the outcome.
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Learning to let go of outcomes wasn’t easy for me. After a lifetime of trying to arrange life – including your reactions and opinions – to suit myself, simply taking the right actions and leaving the results up to God seemed impossible. But the miracle is that every time I follow God’s will and not my own, wondrous and unexpected outcomes flow into my and other people’s lives. Plus, now that I know I’m not responsible for all the outcomes in the world, I’m free to live a life that can be happy, joyous, and even free.

January 22

Quote of the Week

“God bless you – God change me.”

I was at a speaker meeting one night where the speaker began his share this way: “If I say something tonight that you don’t agree with, or that angers you, then say a prayer for me. God knows I could use the blessing, and you could probably use the practice.” Well that got everyone’s attention! I fumed in my seat for a while and could barely hear what he was sharing. After the meeting, I grabbed a bite to eat with my sponsor and we talked about it.

As I dumped my anger and indignation onto my sponsor between my French fries dipped in ranch dressing, he listened quietly and nodded his head. When I started repeating myself for the third time, he held up his hand to stop me. “I see what he said in a very different way,” he began. “While it may have sounded disrespectful, what he was saying is the fundamental truth – everyone has a different opinion, and if you don’t agree with them, it’s your problem, and not theirs. In other words it’s up to you to change or adapt.”

I’ve often thought of that night, and that share, and it has taken me years to appreciate the deep wisdom in it. What I’ve found is that people are indeed very different; all our perspectives are uniquely ours, forged by heritages, families, and environments we can barely fathom. If I want to get along with people, then it is up to me to accept them for their differences. If I have a problem with that, then it’s probably best for me to say a prayer. It’s up to me at that point to ask God to change me so I can be okay with who they are – and who I am as well.

January 29

Quote of the Week

“I can’t turn back the clock, but I can wind it up again.”

One of the fears I had when I got sober was that I had ruined large parts of my life, and that the damage I had done was permanent. I spent many nights wishing I could go back in time and make different, better decisions. As I went over and over these things, I was overcome with shame, and remorse, and resentment. At times, I felt like my life was over, and that things wouldn’t turn out okay for me.

In working the Steps, I began to come to terms with the things I did, and I discovered the causes and conditions for why I did them. As I took the focus off others, and even off the past, I concentrated on making things right in the present. I built a relationship with my Higher Power, I cleaned house and made amends, and soon I found that I had built an archway through which I could once again connect with my fellows.
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The gift of the program for me came when I realized that I was given a second chance and a new life. I felt the joy they talk about in the program when I found that while I couldn’t change the past, I could create a new future. One day at a time, I took the right actions, and each time I did my life changed, I became a new man, and soon I found I was living in the sunlight of the spirit. Each day, I know the clock of my life has been wound up again, and today I have the freedom to make it the way I truly want it to be.

February 5

Quote of the Week

“Serenity is paying attention to what I’m doing right now."

I have a mind that races ahead of where I am, plans outcomes, anticipates obstacles, and prepares for the worst. It’s a busy mind. If it’s not in the future, then its reviewing the past coming up with woulda’s, shoulda’s, coulda’s. Drinking offered a respite from this obsessiveness, and for a few hours I was thoroughly grounded in what was happening in the present. But then my bottom forced me to get sober, and my mind was off to the races again.

My restless mind wouldn’t let me alone during early sobriety. I woke up in fear, worried most of the day, and at night I’d lie awake imagining dark futures fueled by what if’s. Thank for my sponsor and the fellowship. They had many suggestions, like when they told me to keep the Big Book at my bedside because reading a few pages would definitely put me to sleep. It worked! They also taught me about being of service, about prayer, and about building my spiritual toolkit. That all worked – when I worked it.

Many years have passed, and while I’m recovered from the obsession to drink, my mind still likes to get into the future and look for danger. This is the path to insanity for me. Thankfully, I’m much better at reigning it back in and focusing it on what I’m doing, what I have, and how fortunate I am right now. I have more than I need to be happy, joyous, and free. And most of all, I have a God of my own understanding, and I have serenity in the here and now.

How’s that for the future I used to worry about?

February 12

Quote of the Week

“CALM = Care About Life’s Moments.”

They say that one of the gifts of recovery is the sense of peace and calm that you get. I have heard it described as feeling comfortable in your own skin. That concept was totally foreign to me before I got sober; in fact, I felt the opposite way. My solution was a drink, and for brief moments I could relax and feel okay with myself. But by the end of my drinking, I was uncomfortable both drunk or sober, and that’s when I knew I had hit bottom.

I remember being amazed by how happy and easy going everyone seemed in meetings. They could look me in the eye, smile, and offer me their phone numbers. They didn’t seem driven by the anxiety that was my constant companion, and I soon wanted what they had. I could have that, my sponsor assured me, if I was willing to do the things they did. And that meant working the Twelve Steps and developing a relationship with a Power greater than myself. I was willing.

It took years for me to work though the layers of my old self, but today I have the feelings of serenity and peace. I even like and respect myself today. I once read a quote by Pascal that said, “All man’s miseries derive from not being able to sit quietly in a room alone.” I am so very grateful to not feel that restless and discontent any longer. Today, I know calm and am able to take in and appreciate life’s moments. The gifts of sobriety go far beyond just not drinking.

And these gifts are available to anyone who is willing to give the program a try.

February 19

Quote of the Week

“It’s not going to get easier, but it’s going to get better."

When I got sober, I thought my life would get easier. I mean, I wasn’t drinking to black out any longer, and now that I was sober everyone would be happy for me. I even thought I deserved some kind of an award. I was sure my money troubles would disappear, my health would get better, and all the people I hurt would forgive me and life would get back to normal. None of that happened right away.

In early sobriety, the only thing that changed was that I wasn’t getting loaded any longer. I still had all the problems as before, but in addition I was now also racked with feelings: feelings of remorse, resentment, fear, anger, etc. And as I struggled to work the Steps, things actually got worse as I lost job after job, found I was unfit for most relationships, and was in constant fear. I didn’t think recovery was for me.

I told my sponsor that if this was what sobriety was like, I’d rather start drinking again. He told me this was what getting sober was like, but it wasn’t what being sober was like. He said if this was how I was always going to feel all the time, then none of us would have remained in recovery. Each year, my life did get better and better. Even though it wasn’t easy in the beginning, I found that overall, I had found the easier, softer way.

Today, I can’t imagine not being sober and living in recovery.

February 26

Quote of the Week

“If you want to be secure, you have to give up the need to be secure."

I have spent so much of my life stressing and worrying about being secure. I’ve never felt like I’ve had enough money – or will have enough. In relationships, my insecurity has ruined many promising starts. I’ve laid awake at night worrying about my health wondering the “what if’s?”. It’s no wonder why I drank so much; it was one of the few ways to quiet my mind.

When drinking stopped working for me, I entered recovery. At first, I thought I’d get immediate relief from my worry, but with alcohol gone, I just grew more insecure. I overwhelmed my sponsor with all my “what if’s?”, and he always asked the same thing, “Are you alright right now?” “Yes, but…” I’d begin. “Right now, God has led you into recovery and has taken care of everything for you, right?” I admitted that was true. “Then let Go and let Him take care of you,” you suggested.

I never thought it could be that easy, and I still tend to forget it. Today, while I still may not have all the money I want, I have all I need – and then some. I have love, health, hope, and long term recovery. As soon as I gave up the need to be secure, I realized I already was secure. Today, I realize that my wants are what keep me from appreciating my haves.

And today, I have all the security I need.

March 5

Quote of the Week

“God, grant me the serenity to accept my own rate of recovery."

When I got into the program at 36 years old, I looked around at all the 20 year olds – and younger – and got depressed. I felt like such a loser to have wasted so much time. It didn’t help that I was also unemployable, had no direction, and essentially didn’t even know who I was. Years of drinking had robbed me of the growth and progress I saw others making. When I started counting days of sobriety, I felt like I was in kindergarten again.

None of this was good for my fragile ego. It didn’t take long for the resentment and anger I felt to be turned inward, and soon the person I hated most was me. I constantly judged how I felt and how much progress I was making, and whether or not someone with the same amount of time was doing better. Unable to accept my own rate of recovery, my sponsor reminded me that I was exactly where I should be. This was hard to accept, especially when I didn’t like where I was most of the time.

As the years have passed and I have stayed sober, I realize how much I learned through my journey in recovery. I’ve learned to accept that I got sober when it was right for me, and that the bottom I hit was necessary for me to do the work ahead. As I look back on things, I’m glad I didn’t get that job or that girl I thought I needed. Instead, my recovery took the route it needed to for me to become who I am today. Even now, when I get anxious or impatient, I remember that I’m still exactly where I should be.

And when I accept that, I am granted serenity.

March 12

Quote of the Week

“If drink solved problems, I would have solved a lot of problems."

I seriously used to think that drinking helped me manage my problems and my life better. When I got too stressed to think straight, a drink or two would immediately relax me and enable me to think differently. In my creative life, I always wrote or drew much better after few drinks. And after a few more drinks, I sometimes had epiphanies that I was sure could change the world. Unfortunately, when I sobered up my problems were still there, plus some additional ones caused by my drinking.

When my sponsor told me I wasn’t going to drink alcohol any more – not even beer! – I was shocked. But how was I going to make it through all my problems and stress, I wondered? And what about all those deep creative insights? As we talked through things, he helped me see that those “creative moments” I had while loaded – those that I wrote down at least – made almost no sense when I sobered up. Also, after inventories centered around my drinking, it was clear alcohol didn’t solve any of my problems.

It took many years of journaling, many years of meetings and Step work, but today I know that I am much more creative and disciplined now that I’m not drinking. Today, I don’t just think of things, I do them. I’ve also found that I handle my problems and stress so much better with a clear head and a Higher Power in my life. Plus, I create a lot less mayhem! Sobriety has given me the life that alcohol promised but never delivered.

And that’s why I begin each day with gratitude.

March 19

Quote of the Week

“Putting down the drink was the easy part. Change is the hard part."

I used to say that stopping drinking was easy – I did it hundreds of times. After a particularly bad drunk, I would wake up with that sick hangover and demoralizing memories of what I had done. Then and there I swore off alcohol. Sometimes I lasted a week or longer, but ultimately I would end up with a drink in my hand. Stopping drinking was easy; staying stopped? Well…

When I got sober in the rooms, I told my sponsor that I already knew how to not drink, what I didn’t know was how to live without always wanting to. He told me the key was changing who I was inside, so that the new man I became didn’t want a drink any longer. Why don’t I just change my eye color, I thought; how in the world am I going to accomplish that? He said we would do it one day at a time through working the Twelve Steps of recovery.

I must admit I was skeptical, scared, resentful, and a thousand other emotions, but each day I took his suggestions and worked the Steps. I couldn’t see the progress I was making sometimes, but slowly I did begin to change. I remember being at a restaurant watching other people enjoy cocktails, and I found that for the first time I didn’t want one. The obsession to drink had been lifted! Now that was a miracle. Many more followed, and over time many more things changed in me.

Today, I am the new man my sponsor told me about, and I like who I’ve become.

March 26

Quote of the Week

“What’s the most loving thing I can do for myself today?"

My drinking career was filled with a series of self-destructive situations, actions, and events. When I was drinking, I didn’t like myself very much, and I didn’t care what happened or how much trouble I got into. Part of me even felt like I deserved bad things. Because I didn’t care about myself, I also didn’t care much what happened to you either. As my life caved in on itself, and my demoralization was complete, I hit my final bottom.

In the sober light of day, I began my Step work and explored my drinking years through the use of inventories. I uncovered some dark resentments, discovered the character defects that I used to deal with them, and eventually found a way to discard the old self that had been driven by the disease of alcoholism. The most painful part of that whole process was how much self-hatred I had for myself. Ultimately, what I learned is that the core characteristic of this disease is unrelenting self-loathing, and an unbelievable obsession for self-destruction.

The power of the Twelve Steps is that they have released me from this prison of hatred. By working through the layers of the disease – the shame, the complete incomprehensiveness of my feelings and actions – I finally arrived at the truth of who I really am – a child of a loving God. In my core, I am not the dark illusion of the disease, I am, instead, a beacon of God’s light. Today, I ask what the most loving thing I can do for myself is. Just the fact that I can ask that question evidences the profound change the program has made in my life.

April 2

Quote of the Week

“Instead of telling God how big your fears are, start telling your fears how big your God is."

Before recovery, we were driven by a hundred forms of self-centered fear. During steps 6 and 7, we began to release some of these character defects, but some habits are hard to break. Like feeding into our fears.

But when we can pause and work our program of recovery, we remember that we are not alone. In fact, our greatest asset in our new life is our connection with and relationship to our Higher Power. We know from repeated experience that God has, can and continues to work miracles in our lives and in the lives of those we meet in the rooms.

Rather than giving power to my fears today, I now give my fears to God. My solution is that when I'm telling my fears how big my God is, I’m thinking about God -- not my fears.

And that is when the miracle takes place.

April 9

"If God is your co-pilot, change seats."

Before the program, I wouldn't even let God on the plane. I was the pilot and co-pilot of my life and, fueled by self-will and self seeking, I took off and flew through the lives of others like a tornado. My thoughts were all about what I could get, take, or how I could control you to get what I wanted. What seemed strange to me at the time was the harder I tried, the less I got what I needed or wanted.

When I started working my program, the idea of putting God in charge of my life seemed downright irresponsible. Fueled by a hundred forms of self-centered fear, I couldn't fathom giving up control of my life. I was still under the delusion that I controlled not only my thoughts and actions, but the results as well. For me, faith was slow in coming. The key was willingness, and the more I turned over, the better my life got.

Today, one of the biggest gifts I have been given is a life of true freedom as the result of turning my will and life over to the care of my Higher Power. Through proven experience, time and time again, my life and the lives of those around me always flow more smoothly and turn out better when God is the pilot. Plus, it's easier being the co-pilot, I'll tell you. My job now is just to suit up and show up and let God take care of the rest. And He always does.

These days, when my life is getting a little turbulent, I look to see if God is my co-pilot, and if he is, I change seats!

April 16

Quote of the Week

"The problem with isolating is that you get such bad advice."

By the end of my drinking and using, I was all alone. Unlike some of the stories I hear about people drinking in bars, I preferred to drink alone in my home, and after months of listening to my own best thinking I had run out of options and was at the end of my rope. By some miracle, I was able to reach out, and my journey in recovery began.

While I have worked the steps several times over the years, and worked hard to turn my character defects over to God, I still find that my default mode is to isolate. And when I do, I am cut off from others and from my Higher Power and that's when my best thinking starts again. I've learned that it never has anything good to say.

Today I do the things I learned to do early in sobriety to keep from isolating: I have a sponsor; I get commitments at meetings, and I say yes when asked to participate. In other words, I continue to take contrary action because, as they say, "An alcoholic's best thinking treats loneliness with isolating."

And when I'm isolating, the advice I get is all bad.

April 23

Quote of the Week

"Anything an alcoholic lets go of has claw marks all over it."

Before recovery, I tried to control everything. I would lie in bed at night planning my days and weeks, and I would make endless lists of activities I could follow that would lead to specific results. I played and replayed conversations that were sure to take place to make sure they came out the way I wanted them to. When the last thing I tried to control - my alcohol use - spun out of control, I finally surrendered.

When I got sober, I had to let go of all my plans and schemes for controlling my drinking and drug use. Because I was at bottom, it was easy for me to abandon my old ideas and to ask God to restore me to sanity. Just because this worked for my alcoholism, though, didn't mean I was willing to turn the rest of my life over. "God, you can have my drinking, but I'll handle the rest" was my attitude. You can imagine how that went for me.

What I've learned over the years is that my life gets better in direct proportion to my willingness to trust God with the other areas of it. It continues to be hard to let go and act with faith - especially when I'm in fear - but each time I do I'm rewarded with a freedom and a joy that could never have come so long as I continued to try to control things. Today if I'm not willing to let go, then I pray for the willingness to be willing.

And once I withdraw my claws, God takes over and the healing begins.

April 30

Quote of the Week

“The way to make a mountain out of a mole hill is to add dirt.”

Before recovery, anything that went wrong – or didn’t go my way – easily became an impending disaster. Toothache? Must be a root canal. Boss not smiling? Probably going to get fired. Left to myself, my incessant negative thinking was quick to add dirt to any mole hill until the mountain of imaginary evidence overwhelmed me.

When I entered recovery, my sponsor was quick to point out a few tools I might find useful for my distorted thinking. The first was, “One day at a time.” “You’re not having a root canal, nor are you being fired today, are you?” he asked. “No,” I grudgingly replied. “Then take it easy,” he suggested. Next, he taught me to “Take the next indicated action.” Calling my dentist was a manageable action, whereas worrying endless about an imagined root canal wasn’t. Using these and other tools of recovery helped restore me to sanity.
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Today I’m quick to recognize a mole hill when one comes up, and I have the tools to keep it from becoming a mountain. My three favorites are to remember #1: There is a solution. #2: Whatever is happening it is temporary. #3: God is in charge. By focusing on God – and not the problem – I get to experience serenity while the situation sorts itself out – as it always does. And by not adding dirt to the mole hill, I avoid the imaginary mountain that used to make my life unmanageable.

May 7

Quote of the Week

"The most spiritual thing you can do is to help someone."

One of the most important things I've learned in the program is that whenever two alcoholics get together, God is present. I feel the energy of God flow through me as I talk with, listen to and help another person. It often takes contrary action for me to reach out, but I am always rewarded with a sense of peace and serenity as I connect with and help another.

It wasn't always like this. Selfish and self-centered in the extreme, I crawled into the rooms emotionally bankrupt and in a state of perdition. I dammed God's energy up inside me, and it almost destroyed me. Even today I have to guard against my tendency to isolate and self obsess.

Indeed, one of the greatest lessons I've learned (and seemingly have to re-learn!) is that God's purpose, and so my purpose, is to be of service. It is the way out of the prison of self, and it always sets both our spirits free.

May 14

Quote of the Week

"Things aren't necessarily going wrong just because they're not going my way."

This is still hard for me to accept. My ego tells me that my plans and ideas about how things should go, and how you should act, are 99% right, and that if everybody would just fall in line, then everything would be great and I'd be happy. But how many times has my self will twisted or bullied things into place and got me what I thought I wanted, when I'd eventually realize it wasn't what I wanted? Most of the time is the short answer.

There's an old gypsy curse that goes, "May you get everything you want." Once again, my ego hears that and says, "That doesn't sound like a curse!" but my experience understands the wisdom in it. And one of the gifts I've received in recovery is the willingness to pray for the knowledge of God's will (not mine) and the power to carry that out.

And that's when the miracle truly happens for me and countless others. You see, the wants and needs of my ego are limited and short sighted. But God's will is vast and includes infinite possibilities for happiness and fulfillment. By developing the faith to truly seek God's will, I've been able to let go of controlling others, to show up and look for ways to be of service, and to let go of expectations.

And doing this has enabled me to see that, "Things aren't necessarily going wrong just because they're not going my way."

May 21

Quote of the Week

"Worry is a terrible waste of the imagination."

Before recovery, I was addicted to so many things - alcohol, drugs, food, sex - anything that I could use to escape I abused as I sought a way out of the impending doom I always felt. When I entered the program and began putting these vices and distractions down, I found I had been addicted to something else as well - worry.

It took a long time for my emotions to become stable and for my thoughts to become clear, but once they did, I was amazed by how much time and energy I spent worrying. I worried about my health, my job, my relationships, my future and even my past. When I shared this with my sponsor, he explained that worry was caused by excessive self-will and that I hadn't fully surrendered to my Higher Power.

After years of working the steps, turning my will and life over to God, and spending more and more time looking for and trying to follow His will, I find that I worry less and less. Today my mind is focused on what God would have me do and be, and from that place I've learned to take the next indicated action and to turn the results over to Him.

Today I use my imagination to envision my life and world as God would have it be, rather than worry that it might not turn out the way I would have it.

May 28

Quote of the Week

"It's a simple program for complicated people."

They say that this is a simple program but that it's very hard to follow. I heard this in the beginning of my recovery, but when I read the steps I didn't see why. In fact, the program seemed simple, and I confidently told my sponsor that I could get through the steps in a couple of months. I can still see his smile as he told me, "Let's take it one day at a time." When I finally started, I saw what he meant.

"How can such a simple program be so hard to work?" I quickly began asking myself. What I found was that each step asked me to do something I had never done before - and that was uncover my beliefs, discover how I had twisted them to serve my own selfish ends, and then discard them for God's will rather than my own. Simple, yes, but not easy to do!

Over the years I've found that this program is much easier to work if/when I quit making it so complicated. And the way I do that is by still trying to force my will on things. I now know it's much simpler when I evaluate my motives, seek truly to be of service, and ask for God's will, not mine to be done. This truly is the easier, softer way.

Today I understand when they say that this is a simple program for complicated people!

June 4

Quote of the Week

“Keep doing the things that got it good, not the things that got good.”

I was in a meeting the other day when a guy took a newcomer chip for seven days sober. Before he sat down, he shared that he had twelve years but had gone out. He said it took almost five years to get seven days again, and that during those five years he went through hell. He lost his house again, his family and his career, and he almost lost his life. He said he knew about meetings, about the program, about the disease, but he just couldn’t muster the willingness to get sober again.

After the meeting, I asked him what happened and he related a familiar story. At twelve years sober, life was great. He owned a big house and had all the toys. He was near the top of his career and slowly the trappings of success became more important. Suddenly, golfing with his buddies took the place of his Sunday meeting, and after a while he stopped calling his sponsor and reduced his meetings to once or twice a month – then he stopped going all together. At a barbeque someone handed him a cold beer and he was off.

As I left the meeting, I was chilled with fear. My life was going pretty good, too, and there were times when I stayed home to watch football on my massive LCD TV instead of going to my Sunday meeting. I didn’t remember the last time I had spoken to my sponsor or if I even had one anymore. And that’s when I heard today’s quote: “Keep doing the things that got it good, not the things that got good.” I vowed right then to reconnect and recommit to my recovery. After all, I remembered, you don’t have to go out to start over…

June 11

Quote of the Week

"Put the magnifying glass down and pick up the mirror"

Oh how I love focusing on you. If you would only stop doing this or that, or if you'd start doing this or that, then finally, maybe I'd be happy. Relieved of the responsibility of self, it was so easy to be critical, resentful and dependent on you. If you only knew what you were doing to me. If you loved me you wouldn't act this way. Don't you care about me? These were my constant thoughts.

When I first entered Al Anon, my sponsor told me something shocking - he told me that my happiness and well being were MY responsibility. He told me it was and always will be up to me to make my life enjoyable and safe. "But what happens when she does this?" I protested. "Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror," he told me. What was I doing to cause, contribute or in reaction to it was my only concern.

It took me a while to see the profound wisdom of this new way of thinking. Once I put the focus on me, I regained the power to influence and direct my life and happiness. If it's all about you, and I have absolutely no control over you, then I will forever be a victim. But when I place the power and responsibility where I do have some control - over my own life - that's when I begin to recover and regain hope. It's about the mirror, not the magnifying glass today.

June 18

Quote of the Week

"Give all your problems to God - He'll be up all night anyway!"

When I first heard this saying I instantly thought of all the nights I used to lay in bed worrying, rehashing, or trying to solve all my problems. In fact, before early recovery it was actually easier to sleep because I would use drugs or alcohol or even enmeshment with other people to help distract me. But when I entered the program, it seemed like it was just me and my problems - I didn't get a lot of sleep!

It took a long time for me to develop enough faith to turn my will and my life (and problems) over to my Higher Power. The idea of it sounded good, but it proved very difficult to do in practice. Oh I could turn it over in my morning meditation, but by noon I had usually taken it all back. And by night? Whew! It was just me and my problems again!

As I progressed in my recovery, I learned that the definition of faith is believing what you cannot see, and the reward of faith is seeing what you believe. Through faith and a developing practice of turning situations, people and problems over to God, I've been rewarded with a life that is, for the most part, happy joyous and free.

And now when I go to sleep, I give all my problems to God because my faith tells me he'll be up all night anyway!

June 25

Quote of the Week

"If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans."

Before recovery, I had a lot of plans. I was going to do this and accomplish that, and when things didn't work out I'd use alcohol to fuel my self-will and strengthen my determination. It was during these drinking sessions that I made lists of things I was going to accomplish - tomorrow. In the end, when I got sober, I had a lot of lists but I hadn't accomplished much.

When I entered the program, I told my sponsor all the things I was going to accomplish now that I was sober. I pulled out my lists and proudly told him that finally I was going to get this and achieve that. He asked me if that was all I wanted, and, after I said yes, he told me to write it all down and give it to him. After I did, he said that we would review it all after I got more time...

Years later, my sponsor pulled out that list and we went over it. All the things I was sure I needed to be happy - the Malibu home on the beach, the academy award winning screen play, etc. - had not materialized, but as we sat and talked, I realized I had received a lot more. I was comfortable in my own skin, and I knew peace and even serenity at times. I realized that I was finally happy and that my life had meaning.

And that's when I finally understood the saying, "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans."

July 2

Quote of the Week

"When you get to your wit's end, you'll find that God lives there."

Before recovery, when I got to the bottom I just moved over and started digging another hole. I would leave jobs, relationships, and even states looking for a different solution. I didn't have a God in my life, so there was no turning it over. It wasn't until I had broken my shovel and hit my final bottom that I was ready to admit complete defeat.

When I came into the rooms, I heard a lot about God. I didn't like it. I had given up on Him a long time ago, and I was sure He had deserted me. What I came to find out was that God was always there to help me when I hit bottom. What I also learned, years later, was that He was there for me all along - I just had to ask for help sooner.

What I now know is that I don't have to wait until I'm at my wit's end to reach out and get help from God. He lives in me and is with me every step of the way. The key that opens the lock is and always has been willingness. And today, I'm much more willing to be willing.

Today, I know I don't have to reach my wit's end to find out where God lives.

July 9

Quote of the Week

“If you are bored in the program, then you’re boring.”

I remember when I entered recovery, I thought my life was over. No more parties, nightclubs, wild, fun times. And worse, I felt sentenced to meetings, where there were clicks of people who knew each other – I felt like I was back in high school. Sure, some people reached out to me, but I mostly wanted to isolate and keep to my secrets. And that’s when I told my sponsor how boring the program was.

I’ll never forget how patiently he listed to me. Once I was done – or had started repeating myself for the third time – he asked me some questions. “Are you asking to join people after the meetings for coffee or a meal?” No. “Are you offering to help set up or clean up after?” No. “Are you going to any of the picnics, roundups, dances and parties that are offered?” No. “Then no wonder you’re bored. You’re boring!”

My sponsor explained that alcoholism is a disease that wants to keep us isolated so it can kill us. He told me that people in the program insist on having fun and as a group they’re not a glum lot. Just look at the laughter and friendships you see. But, you have to take contrary action and join in if you want to be a part of. And deep down, I did. So I did get active. And what I found to be true in the program is also true in life: You get what you put in.

Today, I’m too active to be bored, and because of that, I get to live a life that is happy, joyous and free.

July 16

Quote of the Week

"H.A.L.T. - Hungry Angry Lonely Tired"

One of the things we get in recovery is a "spiritual toolkit" that contains new ways of thinking about and dealing with life. Before recovery so many situations and people used to baffle me, and I was ill prepared to deal with them and the emotions they brought up in me. My lack of coping skills was fully revealed once I put down my old solutions of a drink or a drug.

The good news is that the 12 steps provide me with all the tools I need to deal with life on life's terms. One of my favorites is "HALT." I was taught early on that if I was feeling anxious, worried, angry or out of sorts in anyway then there was a good chance I hadn't taken care of myself. I was to "HALT" and ask myself: "Am I Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired?" If so, then it was my job to stop and attend to these first.

What a wonderful tool this has been for me. I have learned that it is my job (and within my power) to take care of myself, and I have learned how to self soothe. And once I am feeling centered, then the outside stuff is much easier to sort through and deal with. It's amazing how often I rely on my spiritual toolkit today, and how it's become second nature to HALT when something is bothering me. Today my solutions start on the inside and work their way out.

July 23

Quote of the Week

"Trying to understand God just makes His job harder."

I can't tell you how much time I've spent trying to figure out who or what God is. I've spent years trying to understand the Catholic God I was raised with, and more years trying to define God from a philosophical perspective, then years denying the whole idea of God by becoming an agnostic and even a part time atheist. It seemed the more I tried to understand God, the further away from Him I got.

Even in early recovery I tried to figure God out - this time through the 'open assignment' of defining a God of my own understanding. You can imagine how that went. I thought about, analyzed and tried once again to understand who or what God was. After a while I grew just as despondent and felt just as far away as before. And that's when I finally surrendered.

Once I gave up trying to understand God and instead looked at the evidence of God's presence in my life, I began to develop a knowing that went beyond understanding. Suddenly I just knew that a force was working miracles in my life, that it was always available to me, and that it would never let me down.

This knowing is what I now call faith, and now I understand why trying to figure God out just makes His job harder...

July 30

Quote of the Week

"Learning to live life one day at a time..."

My girlfriend went into her office a couple hours late today because of an early doctor's appointment and found that 14 people in her department had been laid off that morning. I'm home recovering from a gallbladder operation and may need an additional three surgeries - painful ones at that - for other things. It's easy to get overwhelmed with what's going on in the world and in our lives, and that's when I remember that I can get through anything as long as I take it one day at a time.

It didn't always used to be like this. Before I had the tools of the program, even the smallest things would overwhelm me. I constantly lived in a state of anxiety and when something did happen, panic wasn't far behind. I have a mind that is good at painting dark scenarios, and I have lived each imagined one to its bitter end. My life used to be pretty unmanageable.

One of the gifts of recovery has been learning to live in the present. When I can keep my mind in the same place as my feet, then I always find I'm alright. I'm taken care of; I have everything I need; I'm safe, and I can even find things to be grateful for. Once I focus my attention on what is happening now, I can even experience the peace and joy in my life that is always present when I acknowledge them.

And it all comes from learning to live one day at a time.

Big time amen.

August 6

Quote of the Week

"If you stay on the train long enough, the scenery will change."

Whenever I talk to a newcomer, I remember the insanity of early recovery. I used to talk in endless circles about my problems and about the people, places and things responsible for them. I went on and on about how I could never stop drinking, and I was convinced the program wouldn't work for me. I didn't believe it when people told me, "This too shall pass," but I was out of options so I kept showing up hoping they were right...

It took many months of staying sober and working the program, but things did begin to change. I began feeling better physically, my head cleared, and I became open to a new way of living. As I took different actions, I got different results and after a while my life improved. More importantly, I developed the perspective of recovery, and I learned, first hand, that things do change as long as I'm willing to change first.

Today I know that I can only keep changing and keep growing if I stay on the train of recovery. No matter what the scenery looks like today - and sometimes it's not so pretty! - as long as I continue to grow along spiritual lines, I know that it will change and things will get better. This has been my consistent and enduring experience, and I now live by and trust in the knowledge that:

If you stay on the train long enough, the scenery will definitely change.

August 13

Quote of the Week

“Take my advice, I’m not using it.”

Before I entered recovery, I thought I knew everything. I knew the right way you should be living your life, the right diet to eat, the right way to vote, etc. And because I knew everything, I was quick to tell you about it. Problem was, I never practiced what I preached because I thought I had a better way, an easier, softer way of getting what I wanted. Turns out I was wrong.

When I started working the Twelve Steps, the biggest obstacle I faced was letting go of my old “good” ideas. My sponsor always used to ask me what my ‘back pocket’ plans were, and I’d tell him my best advice for living. “And how’s that working for you?” he’d ask me. Not too well, was my inevitable reply. It took many more bottoms for me to finally release my know-it-all attitude and listen to others solutions for living.
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Today I keep my advice to myself and let my life and my actions speak for themselves. If I have a good idea today, I discuss it with others before I try it out. If it works for me, I let it be another living example of what works for me. Today, when asked for my advice, I instead offer my experience, strength and hope. If it helps you, great; if not, that’s fine too. Today I’m quicker to take advice than to hand it out, and I’ve found it works out a lot better this way.

August 20

Quote of the Week

"Act as though until it becomes so."

What a wonderful lesson this was for me to learn early on in recovery. At first I didn't think I could make it through the day or week sober and my sponsor would tell me to "act as if" I were going to make it. He told me to go to meetings, take commitments and to share honestly about what was going on. He also told me not to drink between meetings, and to suit up and show up.

And I did. And soon my actions became reality and I got 60 days, 90 days, then 6 months and a year. It had become so. As my life got better, I began to want other things and other areas of my life to change as well. "Act as if," my sponsor told me again. If I wanted a job in an office, he instructed me to wake up and put on a suit as I looked for work. Soon, I was wearing that suit in the new office I worked in.

As I continue to grow in awareness in recovery, I realize that "acting as though until it becomes so" is one of the great universal spiritual truths of humanity. Books like "The Secret" and others on positive attraction explain why this is, and I know through experience that it is true. Today if I want my reality to change, I simply begin acting as if. It always works.

August 27

Quote of the Week

"The bottom started falling out faster than I could lower my standards."

The last few years of my drinking and using sure were ugly. It had stopped working long before I got sober, but I had failed to realize it. Instead, I obsessively pursued oblivion, and all those things I said I would never do passed by as quickly as do the stories of a building to a man who has just jumped off. Hurtling toward real oblivion, I had lost all self respect, self control, and was about to lose my life.

As I sat in meetings during early recovery, I used to hear people talk about hanging out with their "lower companions." This brought to mind all the 'nowhere' people I had taken to hanging around with, too, and I was disgusted that I had stooped so low. I'll never forget the shock I felt when my sponsor pointed out that I had been their lower companion as well. Boy did that put me in my place.

When I look back on my past, a wave of deep gratitude washes over me. I don't know why I get to be one of the lucky ones, but I do. As I look at my life today, I smile because most people think I'm a pretty OK kind of a guy. And today, not only do I have standards again, but they keep getting higher.

How's that for a true gift of recovery?

September 3

Quote of the Week

"God bless you - God change me."

I was at a speaker meeting one night where the speaker began his sharing in this way: “If I say something tonight that you don’t agree with or that angers you, then say a prayer for me. God knows I could use the prayers, and you could probably use the practice.” Well, that got everyone’s attention! I fumed in my seat for a while and could barely hear what he was sharing. After the meeting, I grabbed a bite to eat with my sponsor and we talked about it.

As I dumped my anger and indignation onto my sponsor while dipping my French fries into ranch dressing, he listened quietly and nodded his head. When I started repeating myself for the third time, he held up his hand to stop me. “I see what he said in a very different way,” he began. “While it may have sounded disrespectful, what he was saying is the fundamental truth. Everyone has a different opinion, and if you don’t agree with it, that’s your problem, and not theirs. In other words, it’s up to you to change or accept.”

I’ve often thought of that night, and that share, and it has taken me years to appreciate the deep wisdom in it. What I’ve found is that people are indeed very different; all our perspectives are uniquely ours, forged by heritages, families, and environments we can barely fathom. If I want to get along with people, then it is up to me to accept them for their differences. If I have a problem with that, then it’s probably best for me to say a prayer. It’s up to me at that point to ask God to change me so that I can be okay with who they are—and who I am as well.

September 10

Quote of the Week

"It’s not going to get easier, but it’s going to get better."

When I got sober, I thought my life would get easier. I mean, I wasn’t drinking to blackout any longer, and now that I was sober, everyone should be happy for me. I even thought I deserved some kind of an award. I was sure my money troubles would disappear, my health would get better, and all the people I hurt would forgive me and life would get back to normal. None of that happened right away.

In early sobriety, the only thing that changed was that I wasn’t getting loaded any longer. I still had all the same problems as before, and in addition, I was now also racked with feelings: feelings of remorse, resentment, fear, anger, and more. And as I struggled to work the Steps, things actually got worse as I lost job after job, found I was unfit for most relationships, and was in constant fear. I didn’t think recovery was for me.

I told my sponsor that if this was what sobriety was like, I’d rather start drinking again. He told me this was what getting sober was like, but it wasn’t what being sober was like. He said if this was how we were going to feel all the time, then none of us would have remained in recovery. Each year, my life did get better and better. Even though it wasn’t easy in the beginning, I found that overall, I had discovered the easier, softer way. Today, I can’t imagine not being sober and living in recovery.

September 17

Quote of the Week

"Act as though, until it becomes so."

One of the dangers of being alone for me is that I start thinking. Now for a normal person that may be OK, but for an alcoholic like me that almost always means trouble. Colored by the disease of alcoholism, my mind seeks problems and reasons why nothing will work out. Even my so-called "good ideas" soon get me into trouble.

If I dwell in the bad neighborhood of my mind I can also get pretty depressed. I once heard that alcoholism wants me dead but will settle for drunk. If I get lost down its streets, soon I'm cut off from you and the light of my Higher Power and I start believing its dark thoughts. Depressed and alone, my disease has seemingly won - until I reach out.​​​​

Today I've learned to share my thoughts with others and to let them into my thought process. I'm no longer comfortable going into the neighborhood of my mind alone and find over and over that things always work out best when I take company. Today when I'm feeling anxious or depressed, I ask myself if I'm in the dark neighborhood of my mind alone. And if so, I call you.

September 24

Quote of the Week

"The degree of my anxiety is a measure of my distance from God."

Anxiety used to be the master of my life. Without a relationship with God, I faced life alone and was in constant fear of not getting my needs met or of losing something I had so desperately fought to get. The past was a constant source of regret and shame, and the future was filled with countless unknown dangers that would surely overwhelm me. All of this made the present intolerable.

When I entered recovery, I brought my constant obsession with the past and future into the rooms with me. Thankfully, my sponsor taught me about living one day at a time, and he showed me that this was where I would find God—today, right here, right now. He told me that if I could get present, and thus be in the presence of God, my anxiety would go away.​​​​​

This was simple advice, but not so easy to follow. The more I worked at practicing it, though, the more I found it to be true. Over the years, I’ve discovered that the more I use the tools of the program—prayer and meditation, pausing and asking for God’s guidance, and acknowledging in the moment that God is here—the more I find myself in the peace and serenity of God’s presence. Today, I use the degree of my anxiety to measure my distance from God.