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Each Day a New Beginning

One is happy as a result of one's own efforts, once one knows the necessary ingredients of happiness--simple tastes, a certain degree of courage, self-denial to a point, love of work, and above all, a clear conscience. Happiness is no vague dream, of that I now feel certain. --George Sand

We are as happy as we make up our minds to be, so goes the saying. But happiness is the result of right actions. We prepare for it daily. We chart our course. Many of us have to first determine where we want to go before we can decide on the chart. We have perhaps passively floated along for years. But now the time is right to navigate, to move toward a goal.

We may have fears about moving ahead. We can be courageous, however. Strength is at hand, always, if we but ask for it. We can make a small beginning today. And every day, we can do at least one thing we need to do to bring us closer to our goal. Accomplishment, however small, nurtures good feelings. Happiness is the byproduct.

Today is wide open. I will decide on a course of action and

move ahead. All around me help is available for the asking.

When I was in treatment, I was asked "What makes you happy." I did not know. A friend of mine will call once in a while and say, I don't get that you are happy. My like and dislikes have changed over the years. I must be getting old. I like my peace and quiet.

Have you asked for what you need to make you happy?

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Quote:

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.

Owning Our Power

We don't have to give others so much power and ourselves so little. We don't have to give others so much credit and ourselves so little. In recovery from codependency, we learn there's a big difference between humility and discounting ourselves.

When others act irresponsibly and attempt to blame their problems on us, we no longer feel guilty. We let them face their own consequences.

When others talk nonsense, we don't question our own thinking.

When others try to manipulate or exploit us, we know it's okay to feel anger and distrust and to say no to the plan.

When others tell us that we want something that we really don't want, or someone tells us that we don't want something that we really do want, we trust ourselves. When others tell us things we don't believe, we know it's okay to trust our instincts.

We can even change our mind later.

We don't have to give up our personal power to anyone: strangers, friends, spouses, children, authority figures, or those over whom we're in authority. People may have things to teach us. They may have more information than we have, and may appear more confident or forceful than we feel. But we are equals. Our magic is not in them. Our magic, our light, is in us. And it is as bright a light as theirs.

We are not second-class citizens. By owning our power, we don't have to become aggressive or controlling. We don't have to discount others. But we don't discount ourselves either.

Today, I will own my power with people. I will let myself know what I know, feel what I feel, believe what I believe, and see what I see. I will be open to changing and learning from others and experience, but I will trust and validate myself too. I will stand in my own truth.
Today I choose to go with the flow. --Ruth Fishel

Often we feel hurt and resentful, but often it is about us giving up our power.

Do you give away your power?

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Quote:

More Language Of Letting Go

Learn to say how it feels

He no longer dreamed of storms, nor of women, nor of great occurrences, nor of great fish, nor fights, nor contests of strength, nor of his wife. He only dreamed of places now and of the lions on the beach.

–Ernest Hemingway

Many teachers of our time attribute consciousness– energy not just matter– to all creations that exist in God’s marvelous world. Many teachers from ancient times espoused this philosophy,too.

How does it feel when you sit next to a sprawling oak tree? How does it feel when you lie in the hot sand at the beach, listening to the waves splashing on the shore? How does it feel in your kitchen in the morning? How does it feel when you’re with your best friend? Or your spouse?

How does it feel to go into a store filled with beautiful objects, stuffy salesclerks, and signs that scream: DO NOT TOUCH?

Many of us are survivors. We learned the art of leaving our bodies early on, perhaps in our childhood or maybe later, as a way of coping with situations that didn’t feel good and that didn’t feel right to us. We learned to deny how a situation felt– and often how it felt to be with certain people– in order to cope with situations we found ourselves in that we didn’t have the tools or power to escape. We trained ourselves to ignore how things felt because either we told ourselves we had no choice, or we truly didn’t have a say in the matter.

We don’t have to survive anymore. That time is past. Now, it’s time to live.

Come back into your body. Stretch your senses, so that they fill up all of you– your sense of taste, smell, touch, sight, and sound, and your intuitive senses,too. How do you feel emotionally? If you can’t put words to it, just describe it as best as you can. Then go to the next level. Tune into the feelings and moods of the world around you, but not so much that you take these feelings on as yours. Tune in just enough to recognize how the energy of each situation feels to you.

Don’t judge your responses and feelings as either good or bad. And you don’t have to do anything to control how it feels– to you or anyone else. Just allow yourself to experience and recognize how it feels to be you.

Part of speaking the language of letting go means learning to delight and revel in all our senses, including our inner knowing.

Learn to say with trust and confidence, This is how I feel.

God, help me come fully to life.

This reminds me of a time in early recovery that my life was so busy, I didn't read much. My life was the story. I was living it. lately my books have been overdue. It gets expensive at a $1. a day for an Express book. It gets more so when you find a book you didn't think you had.

As I have said many times, "A girl in recovery kept saying to me when we were checking in for the day, 'But how do you feel?" i got really angry and annoyed with her and I finally said, 'if I knew what I was feeling, I wouldn't be sitting here.'

I did find out that one feeling could cover up a lot of others.

How do you feel?

Quote:

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.

Saying Yes

Yesterday we talked about learning to say no. Today let's discuss another important word: Yes.

We can learn to say yes to things that feel good, to what we want - for others and ourselves.

We can learn to say yes to fun. Yes to meetings, to calling a friend, asking for help.

We can learn to say yes to healthy relationships, to people and activities that are good for us.

We can learn to say yes to ourselves, what we want and need, our instincts, and the leading of our Higher Power.

We can learn to say yes when it feels right to help someone. We can learn to say yes to our feelings. We can learn to identify when we need to take a walk, take a nap, have our back rubbed, or buy ourselves flowers.

We can learn to say yes to work that is right for us.

We can learn to say yes to all that will nurture and nourish us. We can learn to say yes to the best life and love has to offer.

Today, I will say yes to all that feels good and right.

The peace that I feel in my life is growing richer every day. As I continue to walk on my spiritual path to recovery, I let myself be guided by truth and love. Conflict is leaving, making more and more room for charity, serenity and usefulness. --Ruth Fishel

I had to be careful that I didn't overcompensate, saying yes and no, just because I was aware of the fact I could. As a wife, I was told man ruled and I didn't have permission to talk or say my piece. I was told, "What makes you think your words matter."

Quote:

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.

Saying No

For many of us, the most difficult word to say is one of the shortest and easiest in the vocabulary: No. Go ahead, say it aloud: No.

No - simple to pronounce, hard to say. We're afraid people won't like us, or we feel guilty. We may believe that a "good" employee, child, parent, spouse, or Christian never says no.

The problem is, if we don't learn to say no, we stop liking ourselves and the people we always try to please. We may even punish others out of resentment.

When do we say no? When no is what we really mean.

When we learn to say no, we stop lying. People can trust us, and we can trust ourselves. All sorts of good things happen when we start saying what we mean.

If we're scared to say no, we can buy some times. We can take a break, rehearse the word, and go back and say no. We don't have to offer long explanations for our decisions.

When we can say no, we can say yes to the good. Our no's and our yes's begin to be taken seriously. We gain control of ourselves. And we learn a secret: "No" isn't really that hard to say.

Today, I will say no if that is what I mean.

Today I will do all that I am capable of doing at this time of my life to free myself of past mistakes. And then I will let go and live in my now... fully enjoying today. --Ruth Fishel

Great quote, sums up living in recover in two lines.

I didn't know I had a right to say No. If I said it, I was hit across the face.

I am powerless over other people's disease, just as I am powerless over my own dis-ease. In ALL things, I need to turn that control, desire to fix, and change others, over to my God, just as I have to let go and let God with my own disease.

The 3 Cs are important to remember all year round, but especially helpful when around family.

I didn't cause it, can't control it, can't cure it. I am powerless over people, places, and things. Wherever I go, I need to remember to take my QTIP with me. Quit Taking It Personal.

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Knowing myself

Asking for help when I need it and acting on my own when I don't

Admitting when I'm wrong and making amends

Accepting love from others, even if I'm having a tough time loving myself

Recognizing that I always have choices, and taking responsibility for the ones I make

Seeing that life is a blessing

Having an opinion without insisting that others share it

Forgiving myself and others

Recognizing my shortcomings and my strengths

Having the courage to live one day at a time

Acknowledging that my needs are my responsibility

Caring for people without having to take care of them.

Accepting that I'll never be finished - I'll always be a work-in-progress.

- Courage to Change (Al-Anon)

Today's Reminder:

Today I can spin a little silk and let it grace everything I touch. I don't have to look back to past ugliness except to learn from it, to enhance the present, and to release whatever beauty is trapped behind old secrets and self-defeating attitudes. One day at a time I can delight in the splendid person I am becoming.

"Sometimes it is necessary to reteach a thing in loveliness...until it flowers again from within..." - Galway Kinnell

originally posted on my site Soundness of Mind

Do you know yourself? A good reason to do a Step Four.