Honesty???
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It was all about me, never about others, and yet when I went to Al-Anon, I didn`t do for me, I did for others to escape my reality. I would take care of others, generally with ulterior motives and for the honor and glory, `look at me, aren`t I just fine!` The wrong motives and intent, trying to work and live my way through life instead of living in it, with a consciousness of what was around me. I had to get honest and realize that I was blind and couldn`t see. I was hard of hearing, because I didn`t want to hear what other people had to say, I knew it all you know, yeah right! My best thinking got me to the doors of recovery, so what made me think I was a leading authority, especially when I shut the doors on everyone and only had myself to listen to. I could see you, but I couldn`t see me. I honestly didn`t know I had a disease. I didn`t know that it was spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical and I had to work the Steps on all levels. How can I be honest with you when I couldn`t be honest with me. That is why I found the Al-Anon slogan so freeing, `Let it begin with me.` It isn`t about your recovery, your actions, your words, your belief, it was about me and my God and how He would have me be. I had to admit to God, to myself and to others, the nature of my wrongs. Honesty is the spiritual principle for Step One, but I think it is need for them all. We are all under God`s care, He cares for us, and we are loved. How can you be honest if you don`t know yourself? Thanks for letting me share. http://www.animated-gifs.eu/christmas-crib/0053.gif |
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I can understand the feeling and the actions and yet in truth, I know he walked a different line as a result of his drug of choice that I can't truly relate to. When you use an illegal substance, you walk on the edge and you have the added high of 'not getting caught' and the thrill of getting away with it. It is as addictive as the substance. I don't know this from experience but from volunteering at the local jail and sharing with other recovering addicts. There are always lessons, it is often whether my mind is open to receive them. Often I have to pray for the willingness to be willing.... I have had beliefs over the years, some have changed but for the most part, they have been added to and enriched. Something I posted on another site in 2010 This is a one day at a time program. So glad it is. It give me choices and then allows me to choose again. |
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