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It took me seven years in recovery to take what for me was a risk, and get into a relationship. We got together three times and broke up three times. The last time I prayed to my Higher Power and said, "Please don't let me be the bad guy for the third time, if this relationship isn't going to work and is over, let it be him to be the one to break it off." I said the prayer on Monday night, and on Wednesday when I was at my home group, he phoned andd left a message on my answering machine. I firmly believe the relationship was meant to be, but when each of us had learned our lessons to be learned, it was time to move on. Just because someone comes into my life I have learned, doesn't mean it is always forever and ever. We seperated as friends and when he sees me, he says, 'Hiya kid! How are you doing?" My lesson was to set boundaries. This person got comfortable in 'my' space and didn't make space for himself. They say if you only have one feeling in a room, then someone has no identity. This is what happened all my life. I had lived my life through other people. When you have two needy people living together, you have two people looking for the other one to make them feel better. We end up with expectations and feelings of betrayal and abandonment because we are looking at someone to do something they are not capable of 'being' or 'doing' in the moment. We need to build that relationship with ourselves and our Higher Power. We need to go to our HP for help and he will supply all our needs and sometimes our wants and wishes, so be careful what you pray for. The other person has a Higher Power too, and He just might think you are an answer to someone else's prayer. I will never forget the horror I felt when I heard at my first Al-Anon meeting the phrase, which has become my life line, "I am responsible for my own happiness, happiness comes from within!" I had looked at my ex-husband with an attitude of "Preform, make me happy!" and then I came into recovery and people had the nerve to tell me it wasn't his job. What do you mean, I can't blame him for the unmanageability in my life. What do you mean, it wasn't all his fault? In today, the buck stops here. As I tell my sponsees, "For every finger you have pointing at someone, you have three coming back at you! Take your own inventory!" Since I've been working the Al-Anon program, it has dawned on me that my relationship with the alcoholic, which I resented for so long, has had critical lessons for for me, him too if he wishes to address them. |
Shared with a Dart's driver today about having a resentment against someone in Al-Anon who told me that I was responsible for my own happiness. It did not go over well, even though I was in recovery. A sure sign that I had a lot of issues to deal with.
Letting go of resentments, anger, and sadness is all part of the grief process we go through. http://angelwinks.ca/images/thoughtpod/thoughtpod.jpg |
Being in Control
Don’t you just love being in control? But don't you find that the more you try to control everything, the more stressed and out of control you feel? How about, trying to curb the urge to control? Do as much as you can to make things happen. But know when to loosen up, let go a little and relax into the flow of life. unknown to me So many people are under the illusion that they can control their life and the get into the if only, if they, if he, etc. I hear people in recovery say they can only control themselves. Powerless over alcohol means I can't control it. Alcohol and drugs are but a symptom of my dis-ease, the problem is me. When I try to control others, I have to realize that I don't have the power. When I want control of myself, I have to surrender to the program, turn things over to my Higher Power, and in doing so, I am empowered to do what I need to do for myself in today. When I think I am in control, that is when I know I need to let go and let my God. https://tse1.mm.bing.net/th?id=OIP.Z...=0&w=255&h=160 |
Do you do change well?
Ironically, since my two falls, I have had a lot more pain to deal with. My biggest change is not being able to do what I use to do, in the way I would like to do it. I wasn't able to go to see my sister today. I wasn't able to make the pie I wanted to bake. I never got any laundry done this weekend as I had planned to do, with no thought of doing it tomorrow. Sometimes, change is about changing things in the day, it doesn't have to be about things in the past. It is about doing what I need to do for myself in today. |
Do you like change?
Have always embraced change. Going back to where I came from was never an option. As your picture says, we need to grow. In order to do that we often need to be nurtured, loved and encouraged along the way. Quote:
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I love this saying...... For years I resisted change because I was afraid that growth was always a painful process. I guess it had seemed that most of the lessons I had learned in life, and my opportunities to grow had always been coupled with a lot of misery. It suddenly occurred to me though that in resisting change and growth, I was also wasting a lot of time, energy and emotion. Things that could be better spent on other things. Why does change come with such difficulty? Why do we allow ourselves to become stuck in ruts? I think the greatest stumbling block to freeing ourselves from these chains is fear. Fear of change, fear of stepping out into the unknown, fear of judgment, fear of failure . . . In giving in to our fear I think we fail ourselves. I think we prevent ourselves from becoming and being the best that we can be. It's through the struggles and the agonies we suffer, that we are made stronger. It is in the growth that we learn and evolve and become what we really want to become. Change is not always bad. In recovery, I have learned that nothing in my life will ever change if I don't make any changes in my life..... “Each blade of grass has it’s Angel that bends over it and whispers, “Grow, grow.” --- unknown Just as we are also blessed! I hope we all learn to listen to that angel's voice and bloom where we're planted. Life isn't always going to get better by walking away from people, places or things..... I was blessed by that angel, when I found my recovery friends! This reminds me of the saying, "We get exactly the right amount of light for the Step we are working on. I do believe in angels, certainly, Earthly Ones. |
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Much better at this. I had to make a point of putting on my listening ears on instead of sitting there with my thoughts in my head, trying to figure out what I wanted to say. If I listen to others, when it is my time to share, it comes from the heart.
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I have put my cards away for a while and don't bring them out much, but maybe this is a good sign that I need to go back to my cards and connect with my angels. |
~ MORNING LIGHT ~ (Meditations to Begin Your Day)
Happy or unhappy, families are all mysterious. ~ Gloria Steinem Children often adopt roles to help them cope within a dysfunctional family. You may identify with these roles. • Hero. Your role was making everyone in the family look good. Your struggles today are with your need for perfection and learning how to face conflict. • Mascot. Your role was to make light of the bad situation in your home. Your struggles today are dealing with anger and resentment, and understanding the difference between humor and sarcasm. • Lost Child. Your role was maintaining silence and staying out of everyone’s way. This timidity is something you need to learn how to overcome today so you can find your voice, express your feelings, and take risks. • Scapegoat. Your role was to act out in ways that created distraction from the addict and family problems. More often than not your actions resulted in punishment and abuse. You need to come to terms with childhood abuse and the consequences of rebellious actions. • Caretaker. Your role was to try to make everyone happy. Your struggles today are learning how to balance taking care of others with developing the ability to focus on yourself. I will shed my childhood role so I can become who I need and want to be. So glad that it is OK to be me and I don't have to go there in today. Are you still role playing? http://www.angelwinks.ca/images/globe28.jpg |
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When I find myself resentful, I need to pray for the other person. They may not change, but I will, if I am honest and sincere. Do I hold onto my resentment or am I willing to let them go? Many people resent Christmas and the holiday season. They have resentments against family members, and isolate during the season, or go out and drown their feelings instead of dealing with them. http://www.angelwinks.ca/images/specchriscard12.jpg |
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We waste so much energy with worry and anxiety about things we have no power over. A friend gave me a book a few year ago about energy vampires, who try to steal our energy. I don't know about you, but I never seem to have enough that I can afford to give away. What I put out, I get back. If I give out negative, then that is the kind of energy that comes back to me and I wonder, what is this stuff? When in fact it is my own crap, and the ego and the Self tries to play the blame game and dump it on others, because it couldn't possibly be me. Several years ago when I was working with my spiritual advisor, we would say to each other, "Ewwww! Is this your stuff or mine?" Quite often we both contributed to the chaos. http://angelwinks.ca/images/iq/qccatlionmirror.jpg |
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This reminds me that last night I did a meditation, and then proceeded to do what I wanted any way. That process was nothing, but sit and watch some of the Olympics. |
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Would treat myself, and then I saw that I was spoiling myself, and found myself back in the "I" and had let go and allow my God to direct my path. The gifts were large and small, from a sunbeam to a new apartment. I can't hear if I am shut down. https://media.tenor.com/images/f2ca8...4bf6/tenor.gif |
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Screams or Music? Be aware that a halo has to fall only a few inches to become a noose. ~ Dan McKinnon ~ When the Beatles’ 1995 reunion was accompanied by a in-depth television documentary on the incomparable talent and success, the band members spoke candidly about their experience. Being the best-known and most sought-after people on the planet wasn’t all fun and games. “After two years of intense touring and fending off all kinds of people who wanted something from us, we were bored, frustrated, and going buggy,” one of the Beatles noted. “Our music was stagnating because we couldn’t hear a note we were playing, and neither could the screamers. You can’t grow, improve, or be creative in that kind of atmosphere.” Subsequently, the group quit touring and put their energy into innovative recording, which proved to be the most productive and rewarding segment of their career. During that period, the Beatles released Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, which became a landmark in music history and one of the most celebrated albums of all time. We cannot breathe or wax creative in an atmosphere of inappropriate adoration or limelight. Nor can we truly enjoy the object of our affection if we are hysterical over it. The world would tell us that fame, fortune, and worldly approval equal success. Yet these men who were the most famous in the world eventually wanted no part of the mania. The only true measure of success is peace, happiness, and spiritual reward. Worldly accolades mean nothing in the Kingdom of Love. I pray that my intentions remain pure and that I put Spirit before any worldly illusions or distractions. I move forward with my vision on peace. I succeed because my heart is pure. Have you done the Steps? Have you done Step Four? |
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All we are asked to do is try. The failure is in the not trying. Do you try every day or do you give up? http://angelwinks.ca/images/nostalgi...algicpod36.jpg |
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Have you asked for what you need to make you happy? http://www.angelwinks.ca/images/gen5.jpg |
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Do you give away your power? https://media.giphy.com/media/9nujydsBLz2dq/giphy.gif |
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As I have said many times, "A girl in recovery kept saying to me when we were checking in for the day, 'But how do you feel?" i got really angry and annoyed with her and I finally said, 'if I knew what I was feeling, I wouldn't be sitting here.' I did find out that one feeling could cover up a lot of others. How do you feel? |
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I didn't know I had a right to say No. If I said it, I was hit across the face. |
I am powerless over other people's disease, just as I am powerless over my own dis-ease. In ALL things, I need to turn that control, desire to fix, and change others, over to my God, just as I have to let go and let God with my own disease.
The 3 Cs are important to remember all year round, but especially helpful when around family. I didn't cause it, can't control it, can't cure it. I am powerless over people, places, and things. Wherever I go, I need to remember to take my QTIP with me. Quit Taking It Personal. https://media.giphy.com/media/e9dIewetYdQZO/giphy.gif |
Knowing myself
Asking for help when I need it and acting on my own when I don't Admitting when I'm wrong and making amends Accepting love from others, even if I'm having a tough time loving myself Recognizing that I always have choices, and taking responsibility for the ones I make Seeing that life is a blessing Having an opinion without insisting that others share it Forgiving myself and others Recognizing my shortcomings and my strengths Having the courage to live one day at a time Acknowledging that my needs are my responsibility Caring for people without having to take care of them. Accepting that I'll never be finished - I'll always be a work-in-progress. - Courage to Change (Al-Anon) Today's Reminder: Today I can spin a little silk and let it grace everything I touch. I don't have to look back to past ugliness except to learn from it, to enhance the present, and to release whatever beauty is trapped behind old secrets and self-defeating attitudes. One day at a time I can delight in the splendid person I am becoming. "Sometimes it is necessary to reteach a thing in loveliness...until it flowers again from within..." - Galway Kinnell originally posted on my site Soundness of Mind Do you know yourself? A good reason to do a Step Four. |
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