When I opened my Courage to Change book today, I wasn't on today's reading, but read what I opened to and it not only spoke to me but roared!
If you have read my chip of the day, you will know why. Here are the quotes that stuck out for me:
Quote:
Chose this one without looking at the list. I know it is what I need in today to get things done. It is something that I don't do well.
I seldom organize and 'stick to it' focus on something and am easily distracted. If something comes along that I like better or I get a new thought, I quite often follow that and leave what I am doing undone! This is especially true if I have housework to do and something comes along and it allows me to run away from home.
Today I do need to go pick up books at the library and I need to pick up a few things at the market. I am just waiting for 9 a.m. to come. My main task today is to get some laundry done. I really don't mind doing it, not sure if it is the having to go downstairs to do it which takes me from my computer and TV or whether I just get a mental block, which stops me from doing what I need to do for myself.
Perhaps it is because I think of discipline and being corrected for what you do. One of those things you were told that you never do right and someone is always on your case about HAVING to do. If that is the case, it is certainly something that I need turned over and changed.
Discipline is just something I don't do well. It is one of those things that God and I are continuing to work on.
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Heaven forbid I should surrender, accept my discomfort, and pray for guidance.
Willpower cnnot eliminate in a day troubles that have taken root and flourished in my life for decades. Things take time.
This is something I forget. I tend to forget that this is a one day at a time program. It doesn't all have to happen in today. Quick fixes don't work. Recovery is a process. I didn't get this way overnight, so why should I figure it is pray, ask for help, get it and it is all over and done with.
When I get caught up in the moment, I can get stuck in the fear and it takes a few to realize that I don't have to stay there, I can change it, by surrendering, and turning it over instead of hanging on, and criticize myself and beating myself up for my shortcomings.
A shortcoming to me is being less than my God would have me be in today. The trouble is, He doesn't expect me to 'fix' it, all He asks me to do is try. It is in the not trying, just giving up that I fail to do his will and become willful and say "Won't" and until the pain is so bad, I have no other choice, then I get a resentment, when it fact it is my fault, all I had to do was let go!
So many things are old tapes and are hard to recognize. I think that sometimes I think on something as a belief system when in fact it is something that was projected onto me a long time ago and that I am sitll carrying around even though it is old news.
So many times, I have had to pray, "I ask for the willingness to be willing, Thy will, not mine."