Breviloquent Facetiousness
1. The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have begun
asking humans to prove they aren't a robot.
2. When a kid says, "Daddy, I want mommy," that's the kid
version of, "I'd like to speak to your supervisor."
3. It's weird being the same age as old people.
4. Just once I want a username and password prompt to say
CLOSE ENOUGH.
5. If I am ever on life support unplug me and plug me back
in and see if that works.
6. Do you ever wake up in the morning and look in the mirror
and think... "That can't be accurate?!"
7. Last night the internet stopped working so I spent a few
hours with my family. They seem like good people.
8. If Adam and Eve were Cajuns they would have eaten the
snake instead of the apple and saved us all a lot of
trouble.
9. We celebrated last night with a couple of adult
beverages... Metamucil and Ensure.
10. You know you are getting old when "friends with
benefits" means having someone who can drive at night.
11. Weight loss goal: To be able to clip my toenails and
breathe at the same time.
12. After watching how some people wear their masks I
understand why contraception fails.
13. Some of my friends exercise every day, meanwhile I am
watching a show I don't like because the remote fell on the
floor.
14. For those of you that don't want Alexa listening in on
your conversation they are making a male version. It doesn't
listen to anything.
15. I just got a present labeled, "From Mom and Dad," and
you know darn well Dad has no idea what's inside.
16. Now that I have lived through a plague, I totally
understand why Italian renaissance paintings are full of fat
people lying on couches.
17. Now that we have everyone washing their hands
correctly... next week... Turn Signals!
