Links |
Join |
Forums |
Find Help |
Recovery Readings |
Spiritual Meditations |
Chat |
Contact |
03-30-2017, 08:59 AM | #76 |
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 70,715
|
http://www.laughandlift.com/lastpage.html
__________________
"No matter what you have done up to this moment, you get 24 brand-new hours to spend every single day." --Brian Tracy
AA gives us an opportunity to recreate ourselves, with God's help, one day at a time. --Rufus K. When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. --Franklin D. Roosevelt We stay sober and clean together - one day at a time! God says that each of us is worth loving. |
The Following User Says Thank You to bluidkiti For Sharing: |
Sponsored Links |
04-06-2017, 11:10 AM | #77 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North Dakota
Posts: 3,942
|
How does the man on the moon hold up his pants?
With An Asteroid Belt |
05-21-2017, 09:42 AM | #78 | |
Innocent Bystander
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 161
|
Kiti - those are hilarious
The one about the only way to get the husband to do anything reminds me of something my wife told me - She said, "Steve, when you're out mowing that back yard in your tank top your muscles ripple, your hair glistens in the sun and I get so turned on! I love to just stand and look out the back window just to watch your muscles flex when you mow that back yard! Rocky's got nothing on you baby! When you man-handle the helm of that lawnmower you are the sexiest man on the entire planet!" I tell ya, after that I was out there mowing that back yard at least 3 or 4 times a week! Quote:
__________________
"No trees were killed in order to send this message, but a heck of allot of electrons, pixels, and axioms were terribly inconvenienced" |
|
05-22-2017, 11:05 AM | #79 |
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 70,715
|
A man and his wife were making their first doctor visit, the wife being pregnant with their first child. After everything checked out, the doctor took a small stamp and stamped the wife's stomach with indelible ink.
The couple was curious about what the stamp was for, so when they got home, the husband got out his magnifying glass to try to see what it was. In very tiny letters, the stamp said, "When you can read this, come back and see me." --------- Two rules for life: 1. Don't tell people everything you know. 2. --------- In the dorm, one of the favorite intramural sports was water fights ...dousing and bombarding one another with water from squirt guns, glasses, balloons, even wastebaskets. Since each room had a sink, there was endless ammunition. The most frequent target was the Resident Assistant. Approaching his room one afternoon, the Resident Assistant noticed his door was ajar. Looking up, he saw a pail of water balanced on the door's edge, ready to fall on him. As he took down the pail and emptied it into his sink, he thought: Those crazy guys actually thought they could fool me with that old gag! It was then he realized that "those crazy guys" had removed the drainpipe beneath his sink.
__________________
"No matter what you have done up to this moment, you get 24 brand-new hours to spend every single day." --Brian Tracy
AA gives us an opportunity to recreate ourselves, with God's help, one day at a time. --Rufus K. When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. --Franklin D. Roosevelt We stay sober and clean together - one day at a time! God says that each of us is worth loving. |
The Following User Says Thank You to bluidkiti For Sharing: |
05-31-2017, 09:08 AM | #80 |
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 70,715
|
Crayons
The kindergarten class had settled down to its coloring books. Steve came up to the teacher's desk and said, "Miss Merc, I ain't got no crayons." "Steve," Miss Merc said, "you mean, "I don't have any crayons. You don't have any crayons. We don't have any crayons. They don't have any crayons. Do you see what I'm getting at?" "Not really," Steve said, "What happened to all them crayons?"
__________________
"No matter what you have done up to this moment, you get 24 brand-new hours to spend every single day." --Brian Tracy
AA gives us an opportunity to recreate ourselves, with God's help, one day at a time. --Rufus K. When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. --Franklin D. Roosevelt We stay sober and clean together - one day at a time! God says that each of us is worth loving. |
The Following User Says Thank You to bluidkiti For Sharing: |
06-26-2017, 08:42 AM | #81 |
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 70,715
|
When my printer's type began to grow faint, I called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed me that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told me, I might be better off reading the printer's manual and trying the job myself.
Pleasantly surprised by his candor, I asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?" "Actually it's my boss's idea," the employee replied sheepishly. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first." --------- "Grandpa, I'm really proud of you," said the modish young lady. "What's to be proud of?" asked the old man. The young lady replied, "I noticed that when you sneeze, you put your hand in front of your mouth." "Of course," explained Grandpa. "How else can I catch my teeth???"
__________________
"No matter what you have done up to this moment, you get 24 brand-new hours to spend every single day." --Brian Tracy
AA gives us an opportunity to recreate ourselves, with God's help, one day at a time. --Rufus K. When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. --Franklin D. Roosevelt We stay sober and clean together - one day at a time! God says that each of us is worth loving. |
The Following User Says Thank You to bluidkiti For Sharing: |
09-14-2017, 09:06 AM | #82 |
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 70,715
|
One day my mother was out and my dad was looking after me.
I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from a bad cold. Someone had given me a little tea set as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys. Dad was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of "tea," which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such good tea, my mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea. ("It's just the cutest thing!") My mom waited and sure enough, I came down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. She watched him drink it, then said (as only a mother would)..."Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is from the toilet?"
__________________
"No matter what you have done up to this moment, you get 24 brand-new hours to spend every single day." --Brian Tracy
AA gives us an opportunity to recreate ourselves, with God's help, one day at a time. --Rufus K. When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. --Franklin D. Roosevelt We stay sober and clean together - one day at a time! God says that each of us is worth loving. |
10-18-2017, 10:04 AM | #84 |
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 70,715
|
One night my father woke himself up with a loud "Hello!" to someone in his dream. As the next day came and went, Dad thought the nocturnal outburst was his alone to remember. But that night, as he and Mom were getting ready for bed, she said dryly, "If you see anyone you know tonight, just wave."
--------- "If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them." - Phil Pastoret
__________________
"No matter what you have done up to this moment, you get 24 brand-new hours to spend every single day." --Brian Tracy
AA gives us an opportunity to recreate ourselves, with God's help, one day at a time. --Rufus K. When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. --Franklin D. Roosevelt We stay sober and clean together - one day at a time! God says that each of us is worth loving. |
10-19-2017, 07:02 AM | #85 |
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 70,715
|
__________________
"No matter what you have done up to this moment, you get 24 brand-new hours to spend every single day." --Brian Tracy
AA gives us an opportunity to recreate ourselves, with God's help, one day at a time. --Rufus K. When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. --Franklin D. Roosevelt We stay sober and clean together - one day at a time! God says that each of us is worth loving. |
10-23-2017, 05:26 AM | #86 |
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 70,715
|
How did The Great Pumpkin fix a hole in his pants?
With a pumpkin patch.
__________________
"No matter what you have done up to this moment, you get 24 brand-new hours to spend every single day." --Brian Tracy
AA gives us an opportunity to recreate ourselves, with God's help, one day at a time. --Rufus K. When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. --Franklin D. Roosevelt We stay sober and clean together - one day at a time! God says that each of us is worth loving. |
The Following User Says Thank You to bluidkiti For Sharing: |
12-03-2017, 07:04 AM | #87 |
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 70,715
|
The supermarket near our house has an automatic mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of a thunderstorm.
When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing. When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cackle. At this point I have been too afraid to go down the toilet paper aisle. -------- I was at a yard sale one day and saw a box marked "Electronic cat and dog caller -- guaranteed to work." I looked inside and was amused to see an electric can opener.
__________________
"No matter what you have done up to this moment, you get 24 brand-new hours to spend every single day." --Brian Tracy
AA gives us an opportunity to recreate ourselves, with God's help, one day at a time. --Rufus K. When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. --Franklin D. Roosevelt We stay sober and clean together - one day at a time! God says that each of us is worth loving. |
The Following User Says Thank You to bluidkiti For Sharing: |
01-22-2018, 09:08 AM | #88 |
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 70,715
|
Police officer: "Can you identify yourself, sir?"
Driver pulls out his mirror and says: "Yes, it's me"
__________________
"No matter what you have done up to this moment, you get 24 brand-new hours to spend every single day." --Brian Tracy
AA gives us an opportunity to recreate ourselves, with God's help, one day at a time. --Rufus K. When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. --Franklin D. Roosevelt We stay sober and clean together - one day at a time! God says that each of us is worth loving. |
The Following User Says Thank You to bluidkiti For Sharing: |
02-05-2018, 10:56 AM | #89 |
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 70,715
|
Most of us have a bad habit we are constantly trying to break. For me, it's biting my fingernails. One day I told my husband about my latest solution: press-on nails.
"Great Idea, Honey," he smiled. "You can eat them straight out of the box."
__________________
"No matter what you have done up to this moment, you get 24 brand-new hours to spend every single day." --Brian Tracy
AA gives us an opportunity to recreate ourselves, with God's help, one day at a time. --Rufus K. When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. --Franklin D. Roosevelt We stay sober and clean together - one day at a time! God says that each of us is worth loving. |
The Following User Says Thank You to bluidkiti For Sharing: |
02-07-2018, 09:44 AM | #90 |
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 70,715
|
When I returned home from college for a break, I noticed a paper posted on the refrigerator. It listed some goals my dad had set for himself: Help wife more; lose weight; be more productive at work.
I promptly added: "Send Michelle money every month." A few days later my brother wrote: "Make payments on car for Jason." Then my boyfriend joined in with: "Buy Tom a Jeep." Finally my father added a new goal to his amended list: "Wean kids."
__________________
"No matter what you have done up to this moment, you get 24 brand-new hours to spend every single day." --Brian Tracy
AA gives us an opportunity to recreate ourselves, with God's help, one day at a time. --Rufus K. When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. --Franklin D. Roosevelt We stay sober and clean together - one day at a time! God says that each of us is worth loving. |
Bookmarks |
Tags |
humor |
Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests) | |
|
|