[MajestyJo]

This was a big fear of mine for most of my life. I didn't realize that it meant that I couldn't be by myself and had to have some person, place, or thing there to love, validate, affirm, or just be there for me. Not realizing I couldn't do any of these things for myself, and I continued to use.

I think I have said this before, "When I was 18 months old, the kettle was on a hot plate, I put my hand through the cord, when I hugged my dad's leg when he came home. The kettle sent scalding water down my back. My mother tore off my t-shirt over my head and the skin came off with it. My father fainted. I later looked at it as him not being able to be there for me when I needed him. The doctor had to tend to my father before he looked at me. I had a resentment, anger and abandonment issues that I had to deal with when I found recovery.