THE LANGUAGE OF LETTING GO - OCTOBER

[MajestyJo]

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Be Who You Are

In recovery; we're learning a new behavior. It's called Be Who You Are.

For some of us, this can be frightening. What would happen if we felt what we felt, said what we wanted, became firm about our beliefs, and valued what we needed? What would happen if we let go of our camouflage of adaptation? What would happen if we owned our power to be ourselves?

Would people still like us? Would they go away? Would they become angry?

There comes a time when we become willing and ready to take that risk. To continue growing, and living with ourselves, we realize we must liberate ourselves. It becomes time to stop allowing ourselves to be so controlled by others and their expectations and be true to ourselves - regardless of the reaction of others.

Before long, we begin to understand. Some people may go away, but the relationship would have ended anyway. Some people stay and love and respect us more for taking the risk of being whom we are. We begin to achieve intimacy, and relationships that work.

We discover that who we are has always been good enough. It is who we were intended to be.

Today, I will own my power to be myself.

If you aren't yourself, who else would you be?

[MajestyJo]

Thursday, October 2, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Coping with Families

There are many paths to self-care with families. Some people choose to sever connections with family members for a period of time. Some people choose to stay connected with family members and learn different behaviors. Some disconnect for a time, and then return slowly on a different basis.

There is no one or perfect way to deal with members of our family in recovery. It is up to each of us to choose a path that suits us and our needs at each point in time.

The idea that is new to us in recovery is that we can choose. We can set the boundaries we need to set with family members. We can choose a path that works for us, without guilt and obligation or undue influence from any source, including recovery professionals.

Our goal is to detach in love with family members. Our goal is to be able to take care of ourselves, love ourselves, and live healthy lives despite what family members do or don't do. We decide what boundaries or decisions are necessary to do this.

It's okay to say no to our families when that is what we want. It's okay to say yes to our families if that feels right. It's okay to call time out and it's okay to go back as a different person.

God, help me choose the path that is right for me with family. Help me understand there is no right or wrong in this process. Help me strive for forgiveness and learn to detach with love, whenever possible. I understand that this never implies that I have to forfeit self-care and health for the good of the system.

Today I phoned my sister because I hadn't heard from her for several days. When I call, I do when it is good for me and when I call, there are generally good indicators as to whether it is good to talk or make the call short.

[MajestyJo]

Friday, October 3, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Getting Through the Discomfort

Surrender to the pain. Then learn to surrender to the good. It's there and more is on the way.
—Beyond Codependency

Our goal in recovery is to make us feel comfortable, peaceful, and content. Happy. We want to be at peace with our environment and ourselves. Sometimes, to do that, we need to be willing to face, feel, and get through discomfort.

I am not talking here about being addicted to misery and pain. I am not talking about creating unnecessary pain. I'm talking about the legitimate discomfort we sometimes need to feel as we heal.

When we have surgery, the pain hurts most the day after the operation. When we do the kind of work we are facing in recovery, we are doing an emotional, mental, and spiritual surgery on ourselves. We're removing parts of us that are infected and inflamed.

Sometimes the process hurts. We are strong enough to survive discomfort and temporary feelings of emotional pain. Once we are willing to face and feel our discomfort and pain, we are almost to the point of release.

Today, I am willing to face my discomfort, trusting that healing and release are on the other side. Help me, God; be open to feeling whatever I need to feel to be healed and healthy. While I am doing this, I will trust I am cared for and protected by my friends, my Higher Power, the Universe, and myself.

You always get what you need. I always know when I get here, that is what I need to do. Sometimes when I am more spiritually connected, I don't have to let myself get too uncomfortable before I do something about it. Other time, like times, I let old habits get in the way, and ignore it and wonder why I am hurting.

[MajestyJo]

Saturday, October 4, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Faith and Money

Sometimes, there is not enough money to make ends meet, much less afford any luxuries.

People may tell us to do a budget, and we chuckle. The expenses we need to pay for survival surpass the income.

We look at the situation; shake our heads, and say, "No way."

Many of us have had to live through these situations. This is not the time to panic; this is not the time to despair.

Panic and desperation will lead to bad judgment and desperate moves. This is the time to substitute faith for fear. This is the time to trust God to meet our needs.

Take life one day and one need at a time. Use your survival skills positively. Know your possibilities are not limited by the past or by your present circumstances.

Examine any blocks that might be stopping the flow of money in your life. Do you have an attitude, an issue, a lesson that might be yours to change or learn?

Maybe the lesson is a simple one of faith. In Biblical times, it is said that Jesus walked on the water. It is said His followers could, too, but the moment they let fear take over, they sank.

During financial hard times, we can learn to "walk on water" with money issues. If we make out a budget, and there's not enough money to survive and pay legitimate expenses, do your best, then let go. Trust your Source to supply your needs. If an emergency arises, and there is no cash to meet the need, look beyond your wallet. Look to your Source. Claim a Divine supply, an unlimited supply, for all that you need.

Do your part. Strive for an attitude of financial responsibility in thought and action. Ask for Divine Wisdom. Listen to God's leadings. Then let go of your fears and your need to control.

We know that money is a necessary part of being alive and living; so does our Higher Power.

God, bring any blocks and barriers within me concerning money to the surface. Help me take care of myself financially. If money is tight, I will dispel fear and learn to "walk on water" concerning finance issues. I will not use this attitude to justify irresponsibility. I will do my part, including letting go of fear and trusting my Higher Power to do the rest.

Sometimes we forget that we have mental blocks erected and barriers in place to prevent ourselves from things we thing will hurt us, based on old hurts and old fears.

We forget this is today, and they need to pull them down and walk in faith, let go and let God, and turn things over and trust that He will take care of things.

[MajestyJo]

Sunday, October 5, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Knowledge

Learn to let yourself be guided into truth.

We will know what we need to know, when we need to know that. We don't have to feel badly about taking our own time to reach our insights. We don't have to force insight or awareness before it's time.

Yes! Maybe the whole world saw a particular truth in our life, and we denied it - until we were ready to deal with it. That is our business, and our right! Our process is our own, and we will discover our truths at the right time, when we are ready, when the learning experience is complete.

The most growth-producing concept we can develop for others and ourselves is to allow ourselves to have our own process. We can give and receive support and encouragement while we go through this process. We can listen to others and say what we think. We can set boundaries and take care of ourselves, when needed. But we still give others and ourselves the right to grow at our own pace, without judgment, and with much trust that all is well and is on schedule.

When we are ready, when the time is right, and when our Higher Power is ready - we will know what we need to know.

Today, I will let myself and others have our own pace and time schedule for growth and change. I will trust that I will be empowered with insights and the tools for dealing with these insights, at the right time.

This is something I firmly believe in. I pray for this daily along with clarity and an open mind. That inner know and the ability to understand what we see and feel and to have compassion and love for others and ourselves.

[MajestyJo]

Monday, October 6, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Taking Care of Ourselves

It's healthy, wise, and loving to be considerate and responsive to the feelings and needs of others. That's different from caretaking. Caretaking is a self defeating and, certainly, a relationship defeating behavior - a behavior that backfires and can cause us to feel resentful and victimized - because ultimately, what we feel, want, and need will come to the surface.

Some people seem to invite emotional caretaking. We can learn to refuse the invitation. We can be concerned; we can be loving, when possible; but we can place value on our own needs and feelings too. Part of recovery means learning to pay attention to, and place importance on, what we feel, want, and need, because we begin to see that there are clear, predictable, and usually undesirable consequences when we don't.

Be patient and gentle with yourself as you learn to do this. Be understanding with yourself when you slip back into the old behavior of emotional caretaking and self-neglect.

But stop the cycle today. We do not have to feel responsible for others. We do not have to feel guilty about not feeling responsible for others. We can even learn to let ourselves feel good about taking responsibility for our needs and feelings.

Today, I will evaluate whether I've slipped into my old behavior of taking responsibility for another's feelings and needs, while neglecting my own. I will own my power, right, and responsibility to place value on myself.

A good read, the last line says it all, put some value on ourselves. Quit putting value on ourselves as by what we do, value ourselves for who we are, just as a person as a child of God. Who loves Him, who loves to show our Love for Him. He knows, He knows we care. We don't have to hurt us to show Him or any one else. We don't have to do to make ourselves look good.

[MajestyJo]

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Letting Go of Naivete

We can be loving, trusting people and still not allow ourselves to be used or abused. We don't have to let people do whatever they want to us. Not all requests are legitimate! Not all requests require a yes!

Life may test us. People may seek out our weak spots. We may see a common denominator to the limits that are being tested in our life. If we have a weak spot in one area, we may find ourselves tested repeatedly in that area by family, friends, co-workers, and neighbors. Life, people, our Higher Power, and the universe may be trying to teach us something specific.

When we learn that lesson, we will find that problems with that area dwindle. The boundary has been set, the power has been owned. For now, the lesson has been learned. We may need to be angry with certain people for a while, people who have pushed our tolerance over the edge. That's okay. Soon, we can let go of the anger and exchange it for gratitude. These people have been here to help us learn about what we don't want, what we won't tolerate, and how to own our power.

We can thank them for what we have learned.

How much are we willing to tolerate? How far shall we let others go with us? How much of our anger and intuition shall we discount? Where are our limits? Do we have any? If we don't, we're in trouble.

There are times to not trust others, but instead trust ourselves and set boundaries with those around us.

Today, I will be open to new awareness about the areas where I need healthier boundaries. I will forego my naive assumption that the other person is always right. I will exchange that view for trusting myself, listening to myself, and having and setting healthy boundaries.

If I paused and stopped to think about this, I could probably write a book on this topic. So many old topics, from people who I thought were in the know. People who in general I thought were either next to God or Hi hand maidens or servants, so therefore, could do no wrong. In many ways they didn't, it was just that in many ways, they were good for them, and for others, but were not for good for me at the time. It is not good to stay in an abusive situation. A person should be told what abuse is, but many didn't know themselves, they too were living it.

Boundaries are a beautiful thing. It is learning to put them in place, reinforcing them, learning to that certain people need them set farther back than others, and other people just ignore them and walk all over them and figure they are not meant for them.

[MajestyJo]

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Learning to Wait

I've started to realize that waiting is an art, that waiting achieves things. Waiting can be very, very powerful. Time is a valuable thing. If you can wait two years, you can sometimes achieve something that you could not achieve today, however hard you worked, however much money you threw up in the air, however many times you banged your head against the wall. . .
—The Courage to Change by Dennis Wholey

The people who are most successful at living and loving are those who can learn to wait successfully. Not many people enjoy waiting or learning patience. Yet, waiting can be a powerful tool that will help us accomplish much good.

We cannot always have what we want when we want it. For different reasons, what we want to do, have, be, or accomplish is not available to us now. But there are things we could not do or have today, no matter what, that we can have in the future. Today, we would make ourselves crazy trying to accomplish what will come naturally and with ease later.

We can trust that all is on schedule. Waiting time is not wasted time. Something is being worked out - in us, in someone else, in the Universe.

We don't have to put our life on hold while we wait. We can direct our attention elsewhere; we can practice acceptance and gratitude in the interim; we can trust that we do have a life to live while we are waiting - then we go about living it.

Deal with your frustration and impatience, but learn how to wait. The old saying, "You can't always get what you want" isn't entirely true. Often, in life, we can get what we want - especially the desires of our heart - if we can learn to wait.

Today, I am willing to learn the art of patience. If I am feeling powerless because I am waiting for something to happen and I am not in control of timing, I will focus on the power available to me by learning to wait.

Have posted a lot of this. Waiting has never been one of my strong points. I was standing at a bus stop one day and I had a spiritual awakening. I realized, "Why are you worrying and fretting?" No matter what time the bus gets here, you are not going to get there any faster. Why not stand here and enjoy the day. Look around you and look at what is around you, don't miss out on the day. When the bus came, I watch the scenery, and I wasn't late, I wasn't all up tight, and it was a good day. I said to myself, "Duh! Perhaps you should remember to do this more often."

[MajestyJo]

Thursday, October 9, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Self-Disclosure

Learning to gently reveal who we are is how we open ourselves up to love and intimacy in our relationships.

Many of us have hidden under a protective shell, a casing that prevents others from seeing or hurting us. We do not want to be that vulnerable. We do not want to expose our thoughts, feelings, fears, weaknesses, and sometimes our strengths, to others.

We do not want others to see who we really are.

We may be afraid they might judge us, go away, or not like us. We may be uncertain that who we are is okay or exactly how we should reveal ourselves to others.

Being vulnerable can be frightening, especially if we have lived with people who abused, mistreated, manipulated, or did not appreciate us.

Little by little, we learn to take the risk of revealing ourselves. We disclose the real person within to others. We pick safe people, and we begin to disclose bits and pieces about ourselves.

Sometimes, out of fear, we may withhold, thinking that will help the relationship or will help others like us more. That is an illusion. Withholding who we are does not help the other person, the relationship, or us. Withholding is behavior that backfires. For true intimacy and closeness to exist, for us to love ourselves and be content in a relationship, we need to disclose who we are.

That does not mean we tell all to everyone at once. That can be a self-defeating behavior too. We can learn to trust ourselves, about who to tell, when to tell, where to tell, and how much to tell.

To trust that people will love and like us if we are exactly who we are is frightening. But it is the only way we can achieve what we want in relationships. To let go of our need to control others - their opinions, their feelings about us, or the course of the relationship - is the key.

Gently, like a flower, we can learn to open up. Like a flower, we will do that when the sun shines and there is warmth.

Today, I will begin to take the risk of disclosing who I am to someone with whom I feel safe. I will let go of some of my protective devices and risk being vulnerable - even though I may have been taught differently, even though I may have taught myself differently. I will disclose who I am in a way that reflects self-responsibility, self-love, directness, and honesty. God, help me let go of my fears about disclosing who I am to people. Help me accept who I am, and help me let go of my need to be who people want me to be.

This is an affirmation of something I believe in. I don't always look too much into safe, I feel if God puts that person in my path, then they are meant to hear. Who am I to question?

Some people think I am too open, and for some that is okay, but that is the kind of person I am and always have been. I went for a walk with a friend, we sat on a park bench. Someone came over and sat down beside me and started talking to me. I did not know the person, never saw them before, and after the person walked away, my friend said, "How do they find you."

When someone come up after a meeting and says, "I need to hear that, "Why would you want to change?" I am but a channel. It is my story, yet so much of it, I never understood it or recognized the significance of it, certainly not in regards to recovery, so why not let my God give me a little nudge once in a while, as to how it truly went down and the significance of the lessons I learned when I was too dumb to take it all in. It was all there, yet I was too out of it to recognize it for what it was. Hindsight is a great teacher if we are willing to take a wee peek at the past, not go there, but just have a wee look see, so we can learn, and not make the same mistakes in today.

How can I know if I don't know what is there?

[MajestyJo]

Friday, October 10, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Payoffs from Destructive Relationships

Sometimes it helps to understand that we may be receiving a payoff from relationships that cause us distress.

The relationship may be feeding into our helplessness or our martyr role.

Maybe the relationships feeds our need to be needed, enhancing our self-esteem by allowing us to feel in control or morally superior to the other person.

Some of us feel alleviated from financial or other kinds of responsibility by staying in a particular relationship.

"My father sexually abused me when I was a child," said one woman. "I went on to spend the next twenty years blackmailing him emotionally and financially on this. I could get money from him whenever I wanted, and I never had to take financial responsibility for myself."

Realizing that we may have gotten a codependent payoff from a relationship is not a cause for shame. It means we are searching out the blocks in ourselves that may be stopping our growth.

We can take responsibility for the part we may have played in keeping ourselves victimized. When we are willing to look honestly and fearlessly at the payoff and let it go, we will find the healing we've been seeking. We'll also be ready to receive the positive, healthy payoffs available in relationships, the payoffs we really want and need.

Today, I will be open to looking at the payoffs I may have received from staying in unhealthy relationships, or from keeping destructive systems operating. I will become ready to let go of my need to stay in unhealthy systems; I am ready to face myself.

Found out in recovery that I had problems having problems with relationships, until I cleared up the wreckage of my past. The new boyfriends caught all the compounded interest from the previous marriages and relationships, and I had to sort through them, do an inventory, own what was mine, let go and let God, and allow myself to heal. It was fair to project the old onto the new just because he was a man. Talked like a man. Looked like a man. Seemed to be like all the other men I had known, and I found out that occasionally, I didn't have to take one hostage in order to have a relationship.

[MajestyJo]

Saturday, October 11, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Recovery

How easy it is to blame our problems on others. "Look at what he's doing." . . . "Look how long I've waited." . . . "Why doesn't she call?" . . . "If only he'd change then I'd be happy." . . .

Often, our accusations are justified. We probably are feeling hurt and frustrated. In those moments, we may begin to believe that the solution to our pain and frustration is getting the other person to do what we want, or having the outcome we desire. But these self-defeating illusions put the power and control of our life in other people's hands. We call this codependency.

The solution to our pain and frustration, however valid is to acknowledge our own feelings. We feel the anger, the grief; then we let go of the feelings and find peace - within ourselves. We know our happiness isn't controlled by another person, even though we may have convinced ourselves it is. We call this acceptance.

Then we decide that although we'd like our situation to be different, maybe our life is happening this way for a reason. Maybe there is a higher purpose and plan in play, one that's better than we could have orchestrated. We call this faith.

Then we decide what we need to do, what is within our power to do to take care of ourselves. That's called recovery.

It's easy to point our finger at another, but it's more rewarding to gently point it at ourselves.

Today, I will live with my pain and frustration by dealing with my own feelings.

She says it so well, I read the preface to the book, Codependent No More and ran to the nearest Al-Anon meeting. I ended up giving it to a sponsee, buying another one, gave it away, and now I am thinking, if I can get it in large print, it wouldn't hurt to buy it again.

[MajestyJo]

Sunday, October 12, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Being Gentle with Ourselves

During Times of Grief

The process of adapting to change and loss takes energy. Grief is draining, sometimes exhausting. Some people need to "cocoon for transformation," in Pat Carnes's words, while going through grief.

We may feel more tired than usual. Our ability to function well in other areas of our life may be reduced, temporarily. We may want to hide out in the safety of our bedroom.

Grief is heavy. It can wear us down.

It's okay to be gentle with ourselves when we're gong through change and grief. Yes, we want to maintain the disciplines of recovery. But we can be compassionate with ourselves. We do not have to expect more from ourselves than we can deliver during this time. We do not even have to expect as much from ourselves as we would normally and reasonably expect.

We may need more rest, more sleep, more comfort. We may be more needy and have less to give. It is okay to accept ourselves, and our changed needs, during times of grief, stress, and change.

It is okay to allow ourselves to cocoon during times of transformation. We can surrender to the process, and trust that a new, exciting energy is being created within us.

Before long, we will take wings and fly.

God, help me accept my changed needs during times of grief, change, and loss.

Amen!

[MajestyJo]

Something I posted on another site in 2010:

"Sometimes I think I'm going to die from the sadness. Not that anyone ever died from crying for two hours, but it sure feels like it."

About Grief

You may feel foolish crying over events that happened so long ago. But grief stays stored up until you have a chance to express it.

The way to move beyond grief is to experience your pain fully and honor your feelings.


Grief has its own timing. You can't say, "This is it. I'm going to grieve now." You have to make room for grief as it arises. You need to give yourself the time and space to let go:

"I had been in therapy for several months and I began to feel safe. There were weeks when I entered the building, went up the stairs, and checked in, all with a smile on my face. Then I'd enter the office, and my therapist would close the door. Before she could even get to her chair, I'd be crying. Deep within me I help those feelings, waiting until I new there would be time and compassion."


However your grieve, allow yourself to release the feelings you've been holding inside. Grieving can be a grief relief.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY:

Many times over the years, especially the last five years of recovery; I have sat in meditation after asking for what I needed to heal, and the ability to let go of what I didn't need, want or desire. I have sat there with tears just streaming down my face. Most times, not knowing the source, but other times, as a result of something that had triggered me in today.

Tears are a great healer. They cleanse the soul.

Grieving is such a big part of recovery. I looked at a couple of topic discussion books I have and no reference was given.

Just walking into the doors of recovery brings about a loss. A loss of illusion, a loss of a way of life, the losing of walls and survival tools, which no longer serve us in today. Many were more blocks and hinderance, and as we make changes in our life, every changed thought and pattern, puts us through a grieving periods in our life.

I took over the parent role at 14, but I was being trained for the job at 10. I say 10, because that is when I was aware. I have no memory prior to five years old, and that memory came two years ago. The next memory is me with my mother at the age of six, and the next one was 8, and then they start coming in about ten.

I believe that my fibromyalgia is a result of stuffed emotions and pain that was never dealt with as I grew up. We are products of our environment I believe more so than heredity, but it could be in the genes as well as the jeans. I know the jeans seemed to do me more harm that the genes. I was brought up to be a lady, a good little Christian girl, and as a result I got a whole lot of mixed messages.

The first person to rape me was my first husband. I didn't know I had a right to say no! I didn't know I was suppose to enjoy sex, I thought I was just a recepticle for a man's use and my way of serving him! As I type that, I shudder and I can feel the anger. That marriage lasted three years and I have a beautiful son as a result of, I had a year relationship after that which I ran from, and it wasn't until after another four month relationship, that I met a man who became my friend and lover and showed me that God had intended me to enjoy life, sex and was deserving of love.

He wanted me to move to the city of TO and I wouldn't go there, and as a result I was to be sexually abused by a doctor and raped twice before I made the decision at 41 to give up men because they were my problem.

I had to grieve those lost years. When I came into recovery at 49 there were no men around to blame my problems on, other than the ones in the past, but they were long gone and I had to face me in today.

Many times I was the victim of other people's choices, and hurt because of choices I made which put me in a position to be hurt.

Thanks to recovery I have been able to let a lot of that pain go, but I didn't get sick overnight and it takes time. I am not who I was in active addiction. My disease took over, and I got left behind or I gave away myself looking for the love, affirmation, and the courage to live. I had to morn my loss of self, and make an amend to myself for abusing me.

I try not to keep anything a secret today, as I remember I deal with it. I can't afford to keep it there because it just festers and grows and shows itself in ways that are not condusive to serenity, peace and love.

What brought me here will take me back. If I don't break the cycle, it will keep repeating itself. Feeling the feelings, allows me to let go, it is part of the grief and even in today one of the hardest things for me to do is cry. It is only when I sit in meditation and ask for healing and spend time with God and ask for that healing that I have sat alone and in the dark and have had tears just roll down my cheeks. I haven't had a clue as to what the origin of them are, but it is just like a cleansing of my soul.

[MajestyJo]

Monday, October 13, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Substance over Form

I'm learning that for a variety of reasons, I've spent much of my life focusing on form rather than substance. My focus has been on having my hair done perfectly, wearing the right clothes, having my makeup applied perfectly, living in the right place, furnishing it with the right furniture, working at the right job, and having the right man. Form, rather than substance, has controlled my behavior in many areas of my life. Now, I'm finally getting to the truth. It's substance that counts.
—Anonymous

There is nothing wrong in wanting to look our best. Whether we are striving to create a self, a relationship, or a life, we need to have some solid ideas about what we want that to look like.

Form gives us a place to begin. But for many of us, form has been a substitute for substance. We may have focused on form to compensate for feeling afraid or feeling inferior. We may have focused on form because we didn't know how to focus on substance.

Form is the outline; substance is what fills it in. We fill in the outline of ourselves by being authentic; we fill in the outline of our life by showing up for life and participating to the best of our ability.

Now, in recovery, we're learning to pay attention to how things work and feel, not just to what they look like.

Today, I will focus on substance in my life. I will fill in the lines of myself with a real person - me. I will concentrate on the substance of my relationships, rather than what they look like. I will focus on the real working of my life, instead of the trappings.

Really like this, had many years of search for who I was. I was always who everyone wanted me to be. Even my son told me that I should go blonde. It ended up, he was closer than any one else. I was a red head, auburn hair and at one time with a dark forest green streak. I was born a brunette. Black hair with brown and dark red highlight who always wanted blue black ones, and as they said, the grass was always greener on the other side of the fence. As one guy in my group said, "Jo, do you think that if you change your hair colour and style, we won't recognize you, you will always be you." That was a good awakening for me. I eventually did have a form, as a result of my sponsor saying, "If you have recovery, show it." It was blue or black jeans, black turtle neck t-shirt, long sleeved in winter, corduroy blazer or jacket, later hoodie, boots, gloves, and hat. I wore so much black when I was younger my sisters called me Mennonite Meg. It was much the same when I was working, everything was very formal, no play clothes. Later came the fun stuff and the personality and allowed the fun side of me to show. In today, now that I quit smoking and the nicotine doesn't turn my hair weird shades of blonde and my hair is all grown out, it is naturally white, with a few streaks of gray.

I hid for years, then it was okay to come out, and then I had to find out, which one was me and I found out there was a little bit of me in each one and I had been very fragmented, and through the program, I became whole.

[MajestyJo]

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Controlling Versus Trust

There was a time in my life when I felt so afraid of and overwhelmed by the very act of living that I actually wanted to make out a schedule for each day of my life for the next five years. I wanted to include all the chores I had to do, when I would do them, even when I would schedule relaxation. I wanted to get some order into what felt overwhelming. I wanted to feel like I was in control.
—Anonymous

Controlling is a direct response to our fear, panic, and sense of helplessness. It is a direct response to feeling overwhelmed, and to distrust.

We may not trust ourselves, our Higher Power, the Plan, the Universe, or the process of life. Instead of trusting, we revert to control.

We can approach this need to control by dealing with our fear. We deal with fear by trusting - ourselves, our Higher Power, the love and support of the Universe, the Plan, and this process we call life and recovery.

We can trust that when things don't work out the way we want, God has something better planned.

We can trust ourselves to get where we need to go, say what we need to say, do what we need to do, know what we need to know, be who we need to be, and become all we can become, when we are intended to do that, when we are ready, and when the time is right.

We can trust our Higher Power and the Universe to give us all the direction we need.

We can trust ourselves to listen, and respond, accordingly.

We can trust that all we need on this journey shall come to us. We will not get all we need for the entire journey today. We shall receive today's supplies today, and tomorrow's supplies tomorrow. We were never intended to carry supplies for the entire journey. The burden would be too heavy, and the way was intended to be light.

Trust in yourself. We do not have to plan, control, and schedule all things. The schedule and plan have been written. All we need to do is show up.

The way will become clear and the supplies will be amply and clearly provided, one day at a time.

Trust, my friend, in today.

Today, I will trust that I will receive all I need to get me through today. I will trust that the same shall happen tomorrow.

Amen!

It was through the program that I learned to trust again.