i need advice please - Bluidkiti's Alcohol and Drug Addictions Recovery Help/Support Forums

Honesty · 10-01-2014, 06:17 PM

Icon20 i need advice

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How do I handle this situation? My boyfriend 2 years ago was in active addiction, had nothing, no job, no money, no place to live, nothing... As a friend of 16 years I took him in and helped him get off drugs and get his life back in order. Now we are together as a couple and he is working two jobs. One as a manager for McDonald's and the other part time at staples. He has been doing very well except the fact that once every so often , while I'm at work he will sneak off and go get high and then lie to me about it or deny it. I know the truth though because I've caught him or he'll turn his phone off and won't come home til 4am. In the past 2 years this has happened 4 times give or take. It's really frustrating to me and I feel like I can't trust him now. I'm always questioning him if he goes somewhere and I try to keep him from certain people cause I want him to stay sober and make this work. I feel I shouldn't have to live on edge like this but I don't know what to do to fix this problem. I really don't want to leave him because he really is a good man, his good definitely out weighs his bad in many ways and I love him so much, plus we have 16 years of friendship behind us too and I feel like if I leave him I'm turning my back on my best friend. Please help and Tel me what can I do to make it better? I need serious advice!

Mossygm · 10-01-2014, 07:13 PM

The answer is simple, go to al anon.

MajestyJo · 10-01-2014, 10:51 PM

We can't make the decision for you. Al-Anon is the solution. It is about you deciding what you want. Do you want to get honest or to continue to live in denial? Do you want to continue to live with a person in active addiction? Al-Anon does not ask you to leave him. It helps you to focus on you and teaches you ways to live with yourself and him.

It is not healthy to live your life through him. We can't put our life on hold for others. We love them, but sometimes we have to use tough love.

Honesty · 10-02-2014, 12:07 PM

Thank you, very well said.

markala · 10-02-2014, 11:07 PM

I will second what has already been said. You really need Alanon.

10-01-2014, 06:17 PM	#1
Honesty Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2014 Posts: 4	i need advice please Icon20 i need advice -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How do I handle this situation? My boyfriend 2 years ago was in active addiction, had nothing, no job, no money, no place to live, nothing... As a friend of 16 years I took him in and helped him get off drugs and get his life back in order. Now we are together as a couple and he is working two jobs. One as a manager for McDonald's and the other part time at staples. He has been doing very well except the fact that once every so often , while I'm at work he will sneak off and go get high and then lie to me about it or deny it. I know the truth though because I've caught him or he'll turn his phone off and won't come home til 4am. In the past 2 years this has happened 4 times give or take. It's really frustrating to me and I feel like I can't trust him now. I'm always questioning him if he goes somewhere and I try to keep him from certain people cause I want him to stay sober and make this work. I feel I shouldn't have to live on edge like this but I don't know what to do to fix this problem. I really don't want to leave him because he really is a good man, his good definitely out weighs his bad in many ways and I love him so much, plus we have 16 years of friendship behind us too and I feel like if I leave him I'm turning my back on my best friend. Please help and Tel me what can I do to make it better? I need serious advice!

10-01-2014, 07:13 PM	#2
Mossygm Long Term Sober AA member Join Date: Oct 2014 Location: Sydney Australia Posts: 1	Keep it simple The answer is simple, go to al anon.

10-01-2014, 10:51 PM	#3
MajestyJo Super Moderator Join Date: Aug 2013 Location: Hamilton, ON Posts: 25,078	We can't make the decision for you. Al-Anon is the solution. It is about you deciding what you want. Do you want to get honest or to continue to live in denial? Do you want to continue to live with a person in active addiction? Al-Anon does not ask you to leave him. It helps you to focus on you and teaches you ways to live with yourself and him. It is not healthy to live your life through him. We can't put our life on hold for others. We love them, but sometimes we have to use tough love. __________________ Love always, Jo I share because I care.

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10-02-2014, 12:07 PM	#4
Honesty Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2014 Posts: 4	Thank you, very well said.

10-02-2014, 11:07 PM	#5
markala Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2013 Posts: 8	I will second what has already been said. You really need Alanon.

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