YOU CAN BE THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE!

[MajestyJo]

The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled,
'YOU CAN BE THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE'.

He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, 'From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want. Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?

The wife replied, 'The freaking funeral director would be my first guess.'...

[MajestyJo]

Number One Idiot of 2003

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in
toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to
bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down
and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she
better bring her daughter into the Emergency room right away.

Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.

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Number Two Idiot of 2003

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield
decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.

Here's your sign, guys Don't get it wet; the paint might
run.

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Number Three Idiot of 2003

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America,
walked into the Branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry
that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window.
So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few
minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.

Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't
read it anyway.
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Number Four Idiot of 2003

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.

Another sign (though this guy might be onto something
worth thinking about)!

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Number Five Idiot of 2003

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun
and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter
on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as
well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21."

The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave i t to the clerk. The clerk looked it
over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the Scotch in the bag.

The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The
cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

This guy definitely needs a sign.

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Idiot Number Six of 2003

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop
nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved,
the startled first bandit shot him.

This guy doesn't need a sign; he probably figured it
out himself.

Chuck Salter

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This is an oldie and most of you may have seen it, but it reminds me of the insanity of the disease!

Step Two anyone?

Something I posted in 2004, yet it is still applicable in today in 2013.

[LookingOut]

LOL!