Morning Medicine

[bluidkiti]

Quite A Puzzle

A father wanted to read the paper, but was being bothered by his little daughter, Susie. Finally, he took a sheet out of his magazine, on which was printed the map of the world. Tearing it into small pieces, he gave it to Susie, and said, “Go into the other room and see if you can put this together.”

After a few minutes, Susie returned and handed him the map correctly fitted together. The father was very surprised and asked how she had finished so quickly.

“Oh”, she said, “on the other side of the paper is a picture of Jesus. When I got Jesus in His place, then the world came out all right.”

[bluidkiti]

Words From Above

A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon.” How do you know what to say?” he asked.

“Why, God tells me.”

“Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?”

[bluidkiti]

One day a group of scientists got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God. So they picked one scientist to go and tell Him that they were done with Him.

The scientist walked up to God and said, “God, we’ve decided that we no longer need you. We’re to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don’t you just go on and get lost.”

God listened very patiently and kindly to the man. After the scientist was done talking, God said, “Very well, how about this?

Let’s say we have a man-making contest.” To which the scientist replied, “Okay, great!”

But God added, “Now, we’re going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam.”

The scientist said, “Sure, no problem” and bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt.

God looked at him and said, “No, no, no. You go get your own dirt!”

[bluidkiti]

Little Darlene surprised her mother with the postscript
to her bedtime prayer:

"And dear Lord, please send the beautiful snow to
keep the little flowers warm through the winter."

Climbing into her bed, she confided to her mother:
"That time I fooled Him. I really wanted the snow
so I can go sledding with my new sled."

[bluidkiti]

Light Confusion

A little boy forgot his lines in a Sunday School
presentation.

His mother, sitting in the front row to prompt him,
gestured and formed the words silently with her lips,
but it didn't help. Her son's memory was blank.

Finally she leaned forward and whispered the cue,
"I am the light of the world."

The child beamed and with great feeling and a loud,
clear voice said, "My mother is the light of the world."

[bluidkiti]

The Hearing Aid

An elderly couple are in church. The wife leans over and whispers to her husband, “I just let out a long, silent fart. What should I do?” The husband replies, “First off, replace the batteries in your hearing aid!”

[bluidkiti]

Mildred, the church gossip and self-appointed arbiter of the church’s morals, kept sticking her nose in the other members’ private lives. Church members were unappreciative of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his pickup truck parked in front of the town’s only bar one afternoon.

She commented to George and others that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.

George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just walked away. He didn’t explain, defend, or deny; he said nothing.

Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred’s house… and left it there all night.

[bluidkiti]

One Sunday, Pastor’s sermon focused on how the children of Israel left Egypt and how they wandered in the desert for 40 years. On the way home from church, Mom asked Tommy if he remembered what Pastor had talked about. “Sure,” Tommy replied. “He talked about the children of Israel and everything they did. What I wonder is, what were the grown-ups doing all this time?”

[bluidkiti]

A preacher went into the pulpit one Sunday morning wearing a pair of new bifocals.

The reading portion of the glasses improved his vision considerably, but the top portion of the glasses didn’t work so well. In fact he was experiencing dizziness every time he looked through them.

He explained to the congregation that the new glasses were causing problems.

“I hope you will excuse my continually removing my glasses,” he said. “You see when I look down I can see fine, but when I look at you, it makes me sick.”

[bluidkiti]

Sunday after church, a mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about.

The daughter answered, “Don’t be scared, you’ll get your quilt.”

Needless to say, the mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the mom asked him what that morning’s Sunday school lesson was about.

He said, “Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming.”

[bluidkiti]

The story of Adam and Eve was being carefully explained in the children’s Sunday School class. Following the story, the children were asked to draw some picture that would illustrate the story. Little Bobby drew a picture of a car with three people in it. In the front seat was a man and in the back seat, a man and a woman.

The teacher was at a loss to understand how this illustrated the lesson of Adam and Eve. Little Bobby was prompt with his explanation. “Why, this is God driving Adam and Eve out of the garden!”

[bluidkiti]

A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem . A small child replied, ‘They couldn’t get a baby-sitter.

[bluidkiti]

Favorite Restaurant

A young girl's parents decided to take her to visit a new
church one Sunday morning. As a small bribe, they told her
that if she were good during the service they would take her
to her favorite restaurant afterwards.

During the pastor's rather fiery sermon on the destination
of the good versus the destination of the evil he asked, in
a rather loud voice. "And where do you think those who live
a pure, just and good life before the Lord are going to go?"

The girl stood in her seat and cried out, "To my favorite restaurant!"

[bluidkiti]

At Sunday school they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs.

Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, ‘Johnny, what is the matter?’

Little Johnny responded, ‘I have pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a wife.’

[MajestyJo]

It is meant as a smile, but in reality, how often we hear others and take on their pains. We ask ourselves, "Maybe that is what is wrong with me?" I had to quit watching Dr. OZ all the time, because I was taking it all personal and becoming a hypochondriac. The power of suggestion can be dangerous when you have a dis-ease of perception.