Today's Thought - May

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May 1

Hope and patience are two sovereign remedies for all, the surest reposals, the softest cushions to lean on in adversity.

~Robert Burton

It is just as easy to think “I can” as it is to think “I can’t.” Both attitudes are habitual orientations to life that can become automatic with practice. Neither attitude has as much to do with the task at hand as it does with the inner spirit of the person facing the task. In either case, the task is the same—only the attitude is different.

But what a difference! The “I can” people are the ones we want to spend time with and to use as models. These are the people who either have never lost, or have worked to regain the positive outlook we are all born with. It never occurs to a baby, for example, that all that staggering and falling means he or she will never learn to walk. Babies grow, move forward, succeed. They haven’t learned to hang back or fear defeat. Knee-jerk negativity is something we can all do without. Let’s backtrack to that time in our lives when all things were possible…because they still are.

Today, I will focus on my successes. “I can” is my credo.

Today's reading is from the book Days of Healing, Days of Joy, Daily Meditations for Adult Children

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May 2

It got to the point that I felt even my own shadow was against me.

~Anonymous

Often during our active addiction, we trusted no one. We felt everyone was out to get us, out to cheat us. We became the kings and queens of self-pity. The reality was, we were being cheated, but not by others. An illness called addiction cheated us out of our dignity and integrity. It brought out the worst in us. It was very unpleasant, and we became very unpleasant to be around.

Recovery asks us to step past the blaming and self-pity, and see our illness as the cheat. We do inventories in order to see past the denial and see the values we believe in. We work to better ourselves in order to have a pleasant life and be pleasant people. We stop seeing ourselves as entitled. Instead we see what needs to be done.
Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, help me be of service and move past my self-pity.
Today's Action

Today I will list my favorite ways to feel sorry for myself. I will read this list to my group members and ask them to confront me if they see me using any of these.

Today's reading is from the book God Grant Me, More Daily Meditations from the Authors of Keep It Simple

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May 3

The words “I am…” are potent words; be careful what you hitch them to. The thing you’re claiming has a way of reaching back and claiming you.

~A. L. Kitselman

Today is our chance to leave the past behind and live in the present. It doesn’t matter what we did as a practicing addict. If we’re abstinent today, if we’re working our program today, if we’re doing the best we can today, that’s all that counts.

It’s easy to live in the shame and negativity of the past without even realizing it. But those days are over—we don’t live that life anymore. We can forgive ourselves or someone else today, and let our changed life be our amends for the past.

Forgiveness, gratitude, intimacy, gentleness, honesty: these are the gifts we give to ourselves and others when we live in the present.

How do I feel right now? Do I feel serene, or is something bothering me? Being honest about what’s going on with me is a good way to live in the present.

Today's reading is from the book Answers in the Heart, Daily Meditations for Men and Women Recovering from Sex Addiction

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May 4

By accepting God’s help we learn to think clearly, to play fairly, and to give generously.

~Bill P. & Fred H.

Our values change in recovery as we become less and less selfish. The value screen through which we see life is changed. We no longer ask what everyone can do for us; we ask what we can do for them. We no longer seek out situations that only comfort us; we discover ways to comfort. We find that we feel better about ourselves when we help others. We learn from our program that what we have been searching for our whole lives is wrapped up in service to others.

The valuable relationship is the one that creates a closer contact with our Higher Power, so we seek out situations and people that bring us into closer contact. The values we show in the work of recovery look different from the ones we once held. Every day brings a new chance to become a conductor of life.

My values no longer change with every passing fancy. My life is beginning to mean something and to count for things that are good.

Today's reading is from the book Easy Does It, A Book of Daily Twelve Step Meditations

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May 5

We are born helpless. As soon as we are fully conscious we discover loneliness. We need others physically, emotionally, intellectually; we need them if we are to know anything, even ourselves.

~C. S. Lewis

People today are taught at an early age to be self-sufficient. Independence is considered a strength, and dependence a weakness. As a result, we come to believe that we can make it on our own. And we can, but at what cost? Many of us fill our loneliness with chemical substances. Humans are social creatures; we need each other for physical and emotional support, and for a healthy exchange of ideas.

Even more, we need each other for spiritual development. God loves us equally and often speaks to us through one another. We truly learn about our spiritual nature in the loving acts we exchange.

I am never lonely when showing someone that I care.

Today's reading is from the book In God's Care, Daily Meditations on Spirituality in Recovery

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May 6

Make yourself a blessing to someone. Your kind smile or pat on the back just might pull someone back from the edge.

~Carmelia Elliott

Someone will be helped today by our kindness. Compassionate attention assures others that they do matter, and every one of us needs that reassurance occasionally. The program has given us the vehicle for giving and seeking the help we need—it's sponsorship.

Not all of the people we encounter share our program, however. Sponsorship as we know it isn't a reality in their lives. Offering words of encouragement to them, or a willing ear, can be unexpected gifts. They will be deeply appreciated.

The real gift, though, is to ourselves. Helping someone in need benefits the helper even more. Our own closeness to God and thus assurance about our own being is strengthened each time we do God's work—each time we do what our hearts direct.

We are healed in our healing of others. God speaks to us through our words to others. Our own well-being is enhanced each time we put someone else's well-being first.

We're all on a trip, following different road maps, but to the same destination. I will be ready to lend a helping hand to a troubled traveler today. It will breathe new life into my own trip.

Today's reading is from the book Each Day a New Beginning, Daily meditations for Women

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May 7

No man who sets out to achieve total masculinity can ever be man enough.

~Frank Pittman

Some people attack the whole idea of masculinity as a problem in the world. They claim it is the cause of wars, abuse, and the reckless pursuit of power. As grown-up men, we know that those people are speaking of masculinity that has not grown up. Boys trying to be men take the appearance of masculinity to extremes. They look at masculinity from the outside: they know they have not yet achieved it, so they try to imitate it.

As adult men, we have come to terms with ourselves and with life. We carry the values of strength and protection of those we love, and we value our virility for all its pleasures. We also know from life experience that all men are complex; we don’t need to hide our vulnerability in order to be strong. We don’t have to worry about our masculinity, because that is a given. We don’t have to prove it to ourselves or anyone else. From that grown-up perspective, we accept ourselves as both strong and gentle, capable both of fighting for what we believe in and yielding to others when that’s what’s called for.

Today, I accept that I have nothing to prove about being a man, and I can grow in all the ways any adult needs to continue to grow.

Today's reading is from the book Stepping Stones, More Daily Meditations for Men

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May 8

When I hear somebody sigh, “Life is hard,” I am always tempted to ask, “Compared to what?”

~Sydney J. Harris

There is no question—life is hard at times. None of us escapes trials and challenges. And some of us truly seem to have more of them than others. So what are we to do with that realization? We cannot control most of what happens to us. We can only control how we respond to it. No two paths are the same. Self-pity is the response of someone who hasn’t yet learned to deal with adult life. Feeling sorry for ourselves is like having a hole in a bucket that allows our spirit and our strength to drain away.

Instead of reacting with self-pity, we remind ourselves that all things change and the difficulty we face today will also change. What is harder for us today will be easier tomorrow. We will have times of peace and satisfaction. Best of all, when we play a bad hand well, we have peace of mind, our inner strength grows, and we have something more in our bank of knowledge.

Today, I am grateful for life itself.

Today's reading is from the book Stepping Stones, More Daily Meditations for Men

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May 9

…sparrow, your message is clear: it is not too late for my singing.

~Tess Gallagher

There was once a mother who loved to hang the laundry out on the clothesline in the backyard. Her baby crawled through the sheets and towels that almost touched the grass. The baby didn't talk yet, so nobody knew what she was thinking.

Ten years later, the baby, twelve years old, told her that her happiest memory of childhood was playing in her "playhouse" of laundry on the line. She remembered thinking that her mother hung the sheers out there just so she could play in the grass and wind and sun!

How wonderful to be living in a world where we can accidentally make people happy! This knowledge is a miraculous gift, and can give us reason to do every task well and with love, because it may be remembered for a lifetime by someone near to us.

What happy memory do I have of childhood?

Today's reading is from the book Today's Gift, Daily Meditations for Families

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May 10

If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

~AA saying

Before recovery, we never thought we had enough alcohol or other drugs. More would make us feel better, we thought. Sometimes, we are like this in our recovery too. We know we need to change, so we want to do it all right now. If we can just change ourselves totally, we’ll feel better, we think.

But we can’t change all at once. If we ask our Higher Power to take charge of our lives, we’ll have the chance to change a little at a time. We’ll learn the right things when we need to know them.
Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, help me fix what needs fixing today.
Action for the Day

I’ll make a list of what is broken. Which things on my list can I fix today?

Today's reading is from the book Keep it Simple, Daily Meditations for Twelve Step Beginnings and Renewal

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May 11

The fir tree has no choice about starting its life in the crack of a rock. Yet at the top some twigs hold their green needles year after year, giving proof that misshapen, imperfect, scarred—the tree lives.

~Harriet Arrow

We often wish we had been born into better circumstances or blame our parents for our problems. Like the fir tree we could say, “If only I had taken sprout in a fertile meadow, life would be easier.” “If only I had had a better life as a boy” “If only I didn’t have my particular hardships”

By accepting the facts of our own lives, we mature into feelings of joy and pleasure alongside our griefs. Every man has to struggle with his own unique set of circumstances, even if they are not fair. Fairness is not an issue. Reality is what we have to deal with.

I will accept life on its own terms and rejoice in it.

Today's reading is from the book Touchstones, A Book of Daily Meditations for Men

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May 12

Turning it over

It is true that if we turn our wills and our lives over to our Higher Power, our problems will be lifted. It is easier to speak this truth than to live it.

Looking back, we see that following our own will has caused serious problems in our lives. Let’s give this truth a chance. Let’s pray, meditate, listen, and believe.

Am I turning it over?

Higher Power, help me to stop holding on so tight and to have faith.

Today I will turn my will over to my Higher Power by…

Today's reading is from the book Day by Day, Daily Meditations for Recovering Addicts

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May 13

Reflection for the Day

Why don’t I spend part of today thinking about my assets rather than my liabilities? Why not think about victories instead of defeats—about the ways in which I am gentle and kind? It’s always been my tendency to fall into a sort of cynical self-hypnosis, putting derogatory labels on practically everything I’ve done, said, or felt. Just for today, I’ll spend a quiet half hour trying to gain a more positive perspective on my life. Do I have the courage to change the things I can?
Today I Pray

Through quietness and a reassessment of myself, may I develop a more positive attitude. If I am part of something bigger than myself, created in the image of a Higher Power, there must be goodness in me. I will think about that goodness and the ways it manifests itself. I will stop putting myself down, even in my secret thoughts. I will respect what reflects my Higher Power. I will respect myself.
Today I Will Remember

Self-respect is respect for our Higher Power.

Today's reading is from the book A Day at a Time, Daily Reflections for Recovering People

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May 14

Alcoholics suffer from “self-will run riot.” We do too!

Being certain that we were right, that our way was the right way, was part of our old lives. Many of us fell into the habit of picking up the pieces when a spouse or other family member made a mess of some situation. And that fueled our belief that we knew best.

In regard to some circumstances, we probably do know best. After all, each of us is right some of the time. But learning to back off from a situation, even when it appears we are right, empowers us. Not having to be right gives us a new freedom. It lessens the tension between us and other people. It relieves us of the burden of trying to make outcomes match our expectations.

Our path through life will be easier to navigate if we try to be right only regarding ourselves.

Today I will only decide what’s right for me.

Today's reading is from the book A Life of My Own, Meditations on Hope and Acceptance

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May 15

To be reliable means to show up and to be trustworthy. Bumper sticker wisdom reminds us: you must be present to win. For anything of any import to occur in any situation, we must first be in attendance, available with our time, energy, and talents. How many times did we get nothing—and contribute nothing—to group counseling sessions when we first started in recovery, because we were somewhere else in our hearts and in our heads?

So showing up is the first requirement, but then we must also be willing to honor our word and actually follow through. When we do this, we gradually learn the critical importance of doing what we said we would do, even if we encounter difficulties. This opens the door to other important lessons, including the value of asking for help while we are doing our best to stay true to our intent.

And being trustworthy also includes holding close anything confidential someone else shares with us—in or out of a Twelve Step program setting. When we put the concept of reliability into practice, we nurture many positive attributes: being present, asking for support, keeping our word, and following through with our actions.

Today's reading is from the book Cornerstones, Daily Meditations for the Journey into Manhood and Recovery