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08-14-2014, 01:11 AM | #1 | |||
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There Is A Program
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When we are new in recovery, things are new to us and they become ingrained in us I think. They become a part of our lives. Sometimes when I am going through rough patches, I go back to basics, do the things I did when I first came into recovery, and I think most of those things are still in place, except for the fact that I don't get out to meetings like I did then. The people at the recovery sites I go to are my recovery family. There is a program if we choose to use it. My first boyfriend in recovery, celebrated his one year and he had a priest speak at his anniversary. The priest didn't become a priest until he had been in recovery for a few years. I said to him, after he told me that he had never had more than 11 months, but he kept going back out. I said, "You didn't have a program." He said, "Yes, I had a program, I chose not to use it. We have freedom of choice. Just for today, I choose to be clean and sober. I choose the freedom of sobriety, instead of hanging on by my finger tips. Like this little guy, I opened my arms and soaked it all up. I was very sick, and each day was just a little bit more healing, of my mind, body, and spirit.
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Love always, Jo I share because I care. |
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08-19-2014, 03:47 AM | #2 |
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From "An Act of Providence:" "I experienced the total bankruptcy of active alcoholism -- everything meaningful in my life was gone. I telephoned Alcoholics Anonymous and, from that instant, my life has never been the same. When I reflect on that very special moment, I know that God was working in my life long before I was able to acknowledge and accept spiritual concepts." Daily Reflections, page 17 From The Hoffields God's grace brought me to the rooms of recovery, His grace is what keeps me here, and His grace kept me alive to find the way. He is gracious in all things and loved me no matter where I have travelled on this journey of life, and He continues to sustain me as I approach each new day. I often think that there were others so much more 'deserving' than me, yet on the other hand, I looked at things as my 'due' and how dare you. I leaned a long time ago, not to ask, "Why Me?" because I always got the answer, "Why not you? What makes you think you are so different, so special that you deserve anything different than anyone else living this journey they call "life!" I stayed sick for a long time because I chose to play the blame game. When I went to Al-Anon and heard, "Let It Begin With Me!" it helped to change my perspective and take responsibility for myself. With the focus on me, then I was able to grow and change. They say a change of attitude brings about a spiritual awareness, and as I become more aware, I become attuned to that grace working in my life. __________________
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Love always, Jo I share because I care. |
08-19-2014, 03:50 AM | #3 | |
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A Way from: "You Are Not Alone" "Alcoholics are experts at not being able to see their own illness. They are often the last to admit that they have a drinking problem. "Help is available, but you must make the decision to ask for it.... [In A.A.] you will simply meet men and women who have found a way to free themselves from their dependence on alcohol and have begun to repair the damage it has done to their lives. Such freedom and recovery can be yours, too." A.A. for the Woman (A.A. Pamphlet P-5), pages 8 and 9 From: Just For Today - The Hoffields When I came into recovery, it was so nice to know that I wasn't alone. My thoughts were not original, and I was only unique in my journey to get to the doors of recovery, I was not so unique in the fact that I was the only one who had gone through what I did in their life. What I say is not only my words, only the interruption of what I heard around the tables at meetings, listening and sharing with others. My best thinking got me here. Sharing that thinking, allows me to let go and make room for new thoughts to come in. When I learn to identify instead of compare, I know I am in the right place. __________________ Quote:
The program works if you work for the program. __________________
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Love always, Jo I share because I care. |
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08-19-2014, 03:55 AM | #4 | ||
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Not sure if these are duplicates, I know they were on the old site.
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Was two years sober before I took the 1st step 100%, I couldn't get rid of the denial. I kept comparing instead of identifying. I didn't have black out. I wasn't a falling down drunk. I could walk and drive a straight line. I had total contempt for my woman friends who couldn't stand up and had to be practically carried out of the Legion. My biggest fear was making an ass of myself and doing something stupid. I would go into the washroom, stick my finger down my throat, upchuck so I could drink more rather than cross the line, between being in control and out of control. "If you have to control it, it is already out of control." Now how lady like is it to do something like that, so you won't stagger and miss a step walking across the floor. You wonder why they say this is a disease of perception. My husband has 20 beers, can't stand without staggering out of the bar. I have 20 rye and coke, I help him or let him fall out of the place, get behind the wheel, say, "I'm not drunk, and drive him home. A police car is sitting in the corner lot, I say, "Slouch a little bit more, the left signal light isn't working." I stop at the stop sign. I pull out to the edge of the pavement to see past parked cars and pull out into the street, with my window down and using hand signals. I am hoping they think, "The wife taking the drunken husband home," that is what it looks like, the reality is, she is as hammered as he is, even though she doesn't want to admit to it. 20 drinks is 20 drinks, be they beer or rye, if anything, I should have been drunker than he was. If I got angry, I tended to sober up, then I would be already to start again. With my husband, he was the opposite, you would swear he had drank about 3 times the amount he had already drank. So this might be why I drove home alright because he generally made me royally ticked off by the end of the night. It isn't how much you drank but what it did to you and how you metabolized it. As you can see, some of those words were quotes from certain incidents that happened, I was not a very nice person when I was drinking. I don't think I was too normal on most things in life. __________________ Was two years sober before I took the 1st step 100%, I couldn't get rid of the denial. I kept comparing instead of identifying. I didn't have black out. I wasn't a falling down drunk. I could walk and drive a straight line. I had total contempt for my woman friends who couldn't stand up and had to be practically carried out of the Legion. My biggest fear was making an ass of myself and doing something stupid. I would go into the washroom, stick my finger down my throat, upchuck so I could drink more rather than cross the line, between being in control and out of control. "If you have to control it, it is already out of control." Now how lady like is it to do something like that, so you won't stagger and miss a step walking across the floor. You wonder why they say this is a disease of perception. My husband has 20 beers, can't stand without staggering out of the bar. I have 20 rye and coke, I help him or let him fall out of the place, get behind the wheel, say, "I'm not drunk, and drive him home. A police car is sitting in the corner lot, I say, "Slouch a little bit more, the left signal light isn't working." I stop at the stop sign. I pull out to the edge of the pavement to see past parked cars and pull out into the street, with my window down and using hand signals. I am hoping they think, "The wife taking the drunken husband home," that is what it looks like, the reality is, she is as hammered as he is, even though she doesn't want to admit to it. 20 drinks is 20 drinks, be they beer or rye, if anything, I should have been drunker than he was. If I got angry, I tended to sober up, then I would be already to start again. With my husband, he was the opposite, you would swear he had drank about 3 times the amount he had already drank. So this might be why I drove home alright because he generally made me royally ticked off by the end of the night. It isn't how much you drank but what it did to you and how you metabolized it. As you can see, some of those words were quotes from certain incidents that happened, I was not a very nice person when I was drinking. I don't think I was too normal on most things in life. __________________
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Love always, Jo I share because I care. |
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08-19-2014, 04:01 AM | #5 | |
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http://www.step12.com/alcoholism-chapter-3.html Many people don't see alcohol as a drug. Many drug addict, feel that they can drink as long as they don't use their drug of choice. Substitution didn't work for me and I saw so many, pick up a drink and found themselves right back to where they were, often in worse shape than when the came in. It is a progressive disease. It doesn't stop just because I stop adding fuel to the fire. It continues on, and I found that only through the 12 Steps am I granted daily reprieve from active addiction. I can escape into anything, and that 'anything' can become a new addiction. I had to quit all substances in order to recover. Have found that using other substances will take you back to drinking or on to stronger drugs, if the alcohol stops working for you. At the end of my journey, I was abusing everything: pills, alcohol, relationships, and food. I decided to quit drinking because I couldn't afford to keep myself in the style that I had become accustomed. There was no one left to pay my way and obtaining through other sources and addictions were not an option. Ironically, when I did my inventory, I found that I gave 'it' away looking for love and yet had scruples about taking money. I think it was more an old tape, thinking I wasn't attractive enough and good enough to be paid for services rendered. I was kidding around with my 1st husband, his cousin and his wife who was my best friend. I said, 'Well if you won't give it to me, I will go out on the streets and earn it." I was told, "Do you have change for a quarter." Words hurt, it didn't seem so funny and got past the kidding stage. I like to think it was the good Christian values that I was brought up with, stopping me from going that extra mile. I need to give up all drugs in order to recover. It all leads to the same soul sickness. As my sponsor said many times over, "What is your motive and intent?"
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Love always, Jo I share because I care. |
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08-19-2014, 04:10 AM | #6 | |
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If I was ever inclined to forget what it was like and what happened, all I have to do is look at my son and I see my disease in him. He thinks I don't understand because I never used the drugs he did, and yet his using is all alcohol based and he only went on to other things, when the alcohol stopped working for him. I had the same symptoms as they describe in AA meetings, and yet "I" wasn't an alcoholic you know. I hated beer, the taste, the smell, and I even tried to get it down, because I thought I should like it and it was cheaper than liquor. I committed the ultimate sin, I added coca-cola to it, and all it did was make my coca-cola taste bad. I think they called it a Shanty, but I know a lot of people who thought it was sacrilegious.
I could never understand the premise, I didn't feel drunk. I drank liquor and my husband drank beer, he staggered and couldn't drive, while I could walk a straight line and drive him home and not get stopped by the police. The reality is, I couldn't have been sober when I matched him drink for drink, and I compared instead of identifying. I was okay so therefore I was sober, only to find out that I was a functioning drunk. In today, I know he was a drunk and I am the alcoholic. I had the stinking thinking behind the drinking. It isn't how much we drink, it is what it does to us when we drink it. I became a different person, one I got to not like very much. As the song says, when I drank I felt like I was 10 ft. tall and bullet proof. Quote:
Prayer is asking for help. Meditation is listening for the answers. Sometimes it comes in the form of thought, or a reading, a song, a post on a message board, a phone call, but it will come if I am patient and willing to listen. When I turn the day over, those little things that turn up makes me know that God is on my side and that I am truly blessed. God is only a prayer away. If one is good, more is better when it comes to alcohol, it only stand to reason that it works for prayer too. Each day when I put my life into the care of my God, I have daily reprieve from that first one! I am given a choice. I chose prayer every morning to start my day, a prayer during the day to touch base, and a prayer of thanks every night.
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Love always, Jo I share because I care. |
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09-15-2014, 07:52 PM | #7 | |
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When I "clear the wreckage of my past that can still come up in today and work the Steps into my daily life and do service," I can find happiness in today. 2009 When I looked back at 6 years sober and read my journal as to what I had written at 2 years sober, I laughed. It didn't mean to stop journaling, it meant to journal more and get honest more often. When I was 2 years sober, thought I knew all. I learned, it was the first step and had so much more to learn.
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Love always, Jo I share because I care. |
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09-21-2014, 12:06 AM | #8 | |
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Feel the fear and do it any way, put your faith in your Higher Power. Faith in the unknown, but if you watch closely, you will see it working in your life and gain more faith. Faith that everything will work out. Faith in the program, faith in my God, faith in myself, that with Him/Her all will turn out as it should, not always as I would have it be. Quote:
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Love always, Jo I share because I care. |
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