Working With Your Sponsor???

[MajestyJo]

When working with your sponsor during learning and working the steps and you have a problem or disagree with something. Do you talk to someone else about it or go directly to your sponsor?

In today, I go to my Al-Anon sponsor. I seldom hear back from my AA sponsor. In early recovery, I was so fearful of going back out I had co-sponsors in AA, a NA sponsor, an Al-Anon sponsor, and a Service Sponsor.

Always the sponsor first, we can agree to disagree, until I have an enlightenment and see things her way.

God is good indeed! I know a fellow who came into the program the same time as me and he was 19. He is still sober the same number of years that I am. Age has nothing to do with it. It is that willingness that I found that kept me here along with God's Grace which got me to the doors. He had the same NA sponsor as I did, a man in AA, who qualified for both programs.

He gives us freedom of choice. Once I found there was a solution, I chose to stay here.

[Larrylive]

Originally Posted by MajestyJo

[I]Always the sponsor first, we can agree to disagree, until I have an enlightenment and see things her way.

I sometimes question the role of sponsors in "today's AA". I suppose it's attitudes like you expressed in the above qoute. Surely not every sponsor is perfectly enlightened in wisdom and the ways of all things. When I hear people share about the tasks their sponsors assign them, like standing in long lines at stores, demanding daily phone calls at set times or mowing their lawns all supposedly to teach patience, discipline and willingness I question the true motives.

Perhaps some are lucky enough to connect with a skilled therapist/counselor for a sponsor. But as adults, I believe we should strive to become mature, responsible problemsolvers in our own rights. Upon completing the steps, particularly 1-9, should someone still feel compelled to seek advise for the daily difficulties that arise in life, I would suggest reconsidering the level of care.

"If you give a man a fish he will eat for a day, if you teach a man to fish he will eat for the rest of his life." Give the sponsee a pole and set them free, to grow, to learn, to experience life, with all it's hardships and rewards. I believe the returns will be much great for it.

Live well,
Larry

[MajestyJo]

Great share. My sponsor didn`t do it for me. They never assigned homework. They supported me on my journey and where there for me when I needed them. I had several sponsors over the years, some co-sponsor, service sponsor, spiritual adviser, and it didn`t come from just one person. Some I grew with, others I out grew because they were happy with where they were, while I have always had a thirst and a desire to guidance, change, and grow. This is a one day at a time program. All we can do is do the best we can in today, some days we fall short. Some days we exceed all our expectations, and other times, we can see no growth, and yet to others, they can see the change.

I had to remain teachable. I had to be willing to forgive (had a couple of sponsors who used me for their Higher Good), willing to be open to other concepts other than my own, and even if they had a different belief than mine, didn`t mean they were wrong. I had to get honest, not only with them but with myself.

[MajestyJo]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature...&v=IKcyQynC0sE

Snagged this from Facebook. Done from a humorous point of view.

[MajestyJo]

It was nice to get a return call from my sponsor tonight. It was good to receive affirmation from her for my decisions. It was nice to be validated on some things I had shared, but that wasn't why I had phoned, it was to keep her abreast of what was going on in my life.

I kind of liked this quote in Recovery Emporium. I know in the past, when my sponsor considered the subject closed, I kept bringing it up and still wanted to keep thing going, not only had a period, but I think I had a few semi-colins as well.

One of my sponsors use to say, "You have the answers within." Go within and listen for the answers and I wanted her to give me the answers and do my work for me. I wanted her to enable me and do the work for me. That did not go over well with any of my sponsors, I picked them all well.

If they answer the questions, with a question, that is even better.

Posted on another site in 2012. The nice thing for me is that when my sponsor goes away, and she does often, we just pick up where we left off.

[MajestyJo]

http://www.inspiringthots.net/movie/greatest-love.php

That was the big "I" speaking, God lead them to me. When the one sponsor fired me I wondered if I had chosen the right sponsor, but she did teach me a good lesson. As my favourite piece of prose says, "A season, a reason, or a lifetime, we never know how long someone is going to be in our life.



Sponsors are human. They are dealing with their disease too. Don't put expectations on her that she may not be able to meet in today.

Don't blame your sponsor, remember "Recovery begins with you." If she doesn't have an answer for you, perhaps you are suppose to seek it yourself.

[MajestyJo]

My sponsor use to say to me, "You are only half a hand shake you know, go stand at the door at put out your hand and say, "Hi, my name is...."

As a result of her advise I did, and it was the start of a lot of service, and I still like to go on the door to greet and welcome others. Some have been out there doing the research for me and come to meetings and tell me it isn't any better out there, others are regulars and it gave me a sense of security, and there was the sense of family and belonging. I don't think I would have what I have today in my recovery if I hadn't gotten involved in service. Sometimes all you need to do is show up, it gives someone a message and if you share, it is amazing how many people will identify.

I found myself reflect in the people around me. I learned what to do and what not to do for my own recovery.

Keep coming, and the smile will come. You get so that you no longer have to go, but you want to go, sometimes just for the fellowship, other times to get help with a problem, or just the spiritual connection of one person sharing with another.

When you have doubt, there is a good chance that you need to call your sponsor. She can set us on track and guide us by sharing her/his experience, strength and hope. If I don't know, then the time isn't right. When the time is right, I will know!

It is good to talk to your sponsor in good times and not so good times, so you won't have a problem picking up the phone, when things are difficult. So many times, I have had newcomers call me after the fact. I have said to a few, too bad you didn't call me before you picked up. One said, "I did think of you, but went out anyway. I didn't want you to know." They don't realize that when I don't hear from them, I know it is bad news. I try to connect, but if I don't hear, I say a prayer.

God Bless, continued God's Goodness on your journey.

[Larrylive]

What's the difference between a sponsor and a close friend. It seems the "sponsor" label elevates the sponsor or rather subjagates the sponcee. I can fully appretiate having a confidant to mull things over. But once the compulsion has been lifted I think it's time to move on from the role play. With the exception of being a sponsor and helping others to qiuckly follow the same path.

Be well,
Larry

[MajestyJo]

Thanks for sharing. A good friend in recovery can identify, I think a lot depends on how long that person has been in recovery and has the experience of living the program and came in and stayed.

Most times my sponsors have had more recovery time than I did and had something that wanted. Are they living a spiritual life? Most of my sponsors oozed Serenity. One was an addict who found recovery in AA because she found NA a trigger.

I just got comfortable with going to one person and building a relationship. Relationships were never one of my better attributes. (Took me two husbands to get 10 years of marriage) Because I am dually addicted and qualify as an Adult Child of Alcoholics and Codependent, I had a sponsor in AA, NA, and Al-Anon.

I also had good friends who knew me better that I knew myself at times. I also had a spiritual adviser. A friend, especially one not in the program, doesn't have a true concept of our dis-ease. They may have one themselves that goes untreated because of their own denial.

Also, just having my home group, tends to make me look for the answer that I want to hear, I ask around until I get the answer I am looking for. I found my sponsors told it as it is. I had a good friend who did that too, unfortunately, she couldn't stay clean and sober herself.

I also found it good to have a sponsor and a co-sponsor, so that if I couldn't get hold of one, I had a back up. If I leave a message with both, the one who calls back first, is generally the one with the message I needed to hear.

I had a NA sponsor, who didn't have as much time as I had in recovery, but NA here didn't have a lot of women with long-term recovery. She said she couldn't identify with me because I had tasted hash and pot, but street drugs were not my thing, I resented that they made me lose my alcohol when I tried them. She didn't recognize that a drug is a drug, and it is the thinking behind the drinking and drugging which was my problem. Prescription drugs were like dried-up alcohol for me. Another reason to identify not compare.

Things are but suggestions, but for me personally, the suggestions became darn well betters.

[MajestyJo]

Legends have often told of spiritual journeys in which the hero must face great challenges before gaining treasure at the journey's end. As the heroes of our own stories, we in Al-Anon have also embarked upon a spiritual journey--one of self discovery.

With the help of our program and the support of our fellowship, we explore our hidden motives, secrets, buried memories, and unrecognized talents. As we draw upon the wisdom of Al-Anon's Steps, principles, and tools, we learn to overcome obstacles to personal growth, such as the effects of alcoholism and a variety of defects of character.

We are guided on this journey by a Power greater than ourselves, but the steps we take must be our own. Only by facing the darkness can we receive the treasure-the light and joy of emerging released from all that has held us back.

Today's Reminder

Self-knowledge is the path to personal freedom. The Steps give me directions and help me to cope with anything I encounter along the way.

"The world cannot be discovered by a journey of miles. . . only by a spiritual journey. . . by which we arrive at the ground at our feet, and learn to be at home."

Wendell Berry

Sharing with my sponsor, working the Steps, all gave me a new perspective on my life. She could help me see what I couldn't recognize. With my God, my sponsor, and myself, I learned who I was and learned to communicate and relate to others.

My sponsor was my lifeline. Eventually, I got to a place where I didn't call her over 3 times a day.

It wasn't about the voice of authority, but a guiding light.

[MajestyJo]

I understand where you are coming from, a lot of people in NA think the same. That is why they all branch out into different fellowships. It is also why there is a high relapse and drug overdose amongst the members. They think the problem is the drug. If they put it down, they will be just fine. We both know what fine means (frustrated, insecure, neurotic, and emotional), when in fact the mood swings alone drive them crazy, and they have to recognize that they have to change the thinking. Get rid of the old to make room for the new.

I go to NA now and I used to belong to a women's group and I have also belong to a CA women's group and when I came into recovery, I was a member of an AA women's group for four years. I have only gone to NA off and on. I helped NA get meetings started in the local jail. I was going for AA and the clients asked for NA. I went into the jail for 8 years. I had never been to jail myself, but no one was more of a prisoner of her own mind than I was, I didn't need steel bars.

Some people do not understand. I belong on both sides of the street. I have sponsored addicts who were addicted to different substances. Two went back out and didn't make it back. They didn't want to go to meetings and do any step work or talk recovery. I couldn't keep them sober and I was as powerless over their addiction as I was of my own. I am not the power.

My sponsor also had her own issues. She is no longer my sponsor because she has two other addiction, which she substituted for her drug of choice.

Almost forgot your question. Rule 62, helps me to talk to you.