Wisdom Of The Rooms - 2014

[bluidkiti]

July 7

Quote of the Week

"We must learn from the mistakes of others because we won't live long enough to make them all ourselves."

Before recovery, I was very judgmental. I especially liked pointing out other people's mistakes and making fun of how stupid they could be. When I made a mistake, I was quick to blame circumstances or others, and rarely did I take responsibility or admit that perhaps I was to blame. After years of avoiding or evading the consequences of my mistakes, they finally caught up with me and I had to surrender.

When I entered recovery, I was still in denial about my behavior, and each time I heard someone share I would think: "I wasn't that bad," and "They sure need to be here". My sponsor reminded me to listen for the similarities not the differences, and soon I began to identify not with their actions, but with their feelings. Once I identified with their feelings, I learned the powerful word "yet". I hadn't made those mistakes yet, but if I had continued drinking and using I probably would have.

Over the years I've learned to listen to and benefit from other people's experience. Now when I hear of the mistakes others have made I'm quick to see how I've done something similar, or how I could have easily made the same mistake given similar circumstances. Today I'm grateful for the mistakes I've made and for what they have taught me, and I'm even more grateful for the mistakes of others. You see, I understand that:

"We must learn from the mistakes of others because we won't live long enough to make them all ourselves."

[bluidkiti]

July 14

Quote of the Week

"There are only two times when you should go to a meeting - when you feel like going, and when you don't feel like going."

It's hard living with a disease that tells me I don't have it. When I'm in between meetings and life is busy, it's easy for me to think of going to a meeting as an imposition. "I'm fine. I don't want to drink, haven't in years, and I'm too busy for a meeting!" That kind of thinking can get me into big trouble.

One of the most valuable lessons I've learned in the program is to take contrary action to what my head is telling me. In fact I've learned that when my head is telling me I don't need a meeting, it actually means that I REALLY need one. And without exception, I always feel better when I go.

The only thing an alcoholic does in moderation is work the steps. It's cunning, baffling and powerful when my head tells me not to do something that makes me feel better. This is why I just have to take the action and do it anyway. So for me, there are two times when I should go to a meeting - when I feel like it and when I don't.

[bluidkiti]

July 21

Quote of the Week

"Look for a way in, not for a way out."

When I was new, I was constantly looking for a way out. I listened for the parts of your stories that didn't match up with mine, and knew you needed the program but that I didn't. When my sponsor suggested I go to a meeting a day, I knew my schedule and other commitments would never allow me to do that. When I saw the word 'God', I was finally convinced none of this was right for me.

The next time I saw my sponsor, I told him that the program worked for some people, but that it just wasn't going to work for me. He asked me how many days I had, and I told almost 30. He suggested that something was working for me, and said I might want to focus on that and start looking for a way in rather than a way out.

When I asked him how to do this, he said I might want to choose a home group and get a commitment there. He recommended I develop a regular meeting schedule and told me to share often so people would get to know me. He told me I should go out for fellowship, and that I should call other newcomers and ask them how they were doing. And it all worked.

After 12 years in recovery, I'm so grateful my sponsor showed me a way in, so that I didn't have to find the way out.

[bluidkiti]

July 28

Quote of the Week

"GOD - Good Orderly Direction."

Like many newcomers, I had a lot of conflicting feelings and ideas about the God concept in early recovery. I didn't trust the God I had grown up with and so had a hard time turning my will and life over to Him. I was growing pretty discouraged when, once again, my sponsor came to my aid.

He told me to first stop trying to figure out who or what God was. "Your job is simply to come to believe that there is a power greater than you out there somewhere. Who or what that is isn't important. What's important is that it's not you." That put me in my place. "How do I do that?" I asked.

The answer, he told me. was to take Good Orderly Direction. He suggested that I start by attending regular meetings, and that I refrain from drinking or using between those meetings. Next, he said I should begin reading the literature and start working the steps. He encouraged me to begin sharing my feelings honestly with him and with others in recovery. "If you continue to go in a Good Orderly Direction, you'll come to know God," he said.

It took me years, but he was right: GOD has led me to God.

[rainbolt37@yahoo. com]

Love all the posts. My big book is falling apart! Keep saying I'll get it rebinded. After reading the quote that if your big is falling apart the person carrying it isn't I probably won't! What a great site! Was at a meeting last night and heard a guy share that when he got sober he stopped being the driver then learned to be the passenger, now he just gets in the trunk!

[MajestyJo]

Thanks for sharing. Love the concept of your quote.

[bluidkiti]

August 4

Quote of the Week

"Our neighbor's window looks much cleaner if we first wash our own."

Now that it's hot again, I've begun sleeping with the windows open to let some of the cooler evening air in. My neighbor must have the same idea because her window is open as well, and the sound of her TV carries in the still summer air making it hard to go to sleep sometimes. Even though she's 82 years old and probably hard of hearing and is the perfect neighbor otherwise, I easily become indignant and start with the, "How dare she!" How soon I tend to forget...

For years while drinking and using, I carried on like a madman. I played my music as loud as I could stand, late into the night, and often partied with friends and family on the patio next to my neighbor's living room. I had no awareness nor concern for anyone but myself, and through it all my neighbor remained calm and respectful and never said a word. You'd think that now that I'm in recovery I'd have more empathy and understanding, but that's not always my first reaction.

What I've found is that I have little initial tolerance for behaviors I used to practice with abandon. As an ex-smoker, for example, I'm an anti smoker now and am irritated and resentful if someone smokes within 20 feet of me. Through it all, I have learned to continually ask for understanding and tolerance from my Higher Power, and I've learned that it's up to me to take the high road and set the example with my behavior. And I find that when I do everything works out for the best.

I find that my neighbor's window looks much cleaner when I wash my own first.

[bluidkiti]

August 11

Quote of the Week

"Instead of telling God how big your fears are, start telling your fears how big your God is."

Before recovery, we were driven by a hundred forms of self-centered fear. During steps 6 and 7, we began to release some of these character defects, but some habits are hard to break. Like feeding into our fears.

But when we can pause and work our program of recovery, we remember that we are not alone. In fact, our greatest asset in our new life is our connection with and relationship to our Higher Power. We know from repeated experience that God has, can and continues to work miracles in our lives and in the lives of those we meet in the rooms.

Rather than giving power to my fears today, I now give my fears to God. My solution is that when I'm telling my fears how big my God is, I'm thinking about God -- not my fears. And that is when the miracle takes place.

[bluidkiti]

August 18

Quote of the Week

"The key to happiness is usefulness"

This quote really resonated with me the instant I hear it. I immediately thought about how serenely happy I am right after working with a sponsee, and how that feeling can last for hours. The secret of course is being of service, and the happiness comes from taking the focus off myself and focusing instead on being useful to another.

What's amazing about this is not that it works every time (which it does), but that I so often forget and even resist it. Being selfish and self centered to the core my default is to be alone and self obsess. When I find myself in such a state, I'm not useful to myself or to anyone else. And I'm certainly not happy.

"People rot out quicker than they wear out" is another quote I heard and it seems to tie into this quite well. The bottom line for me is that when I'm into action, working with others or being of service in the program in another way, I'm out of myself and I feel fulfilled.

My experience continues to teach me it's no coincidence - the key to happiness is usefulness.

[bluidkiti]

August 25

Quote of the Week

"When you're going through hell, keep going!"

Before recovery, hell often seemed like a destination rather than a passing part of the overall journey. Whenever I found myself in an insufferable situation, I easily convinced myself that this was my new lot in life and that it would never get better. Rather than try to figure ways out of it, I often wallowed in self-pity and waited for things to get worse.

When I started working with my sponsor, I argued and debated and tried hard to convince him that I was different, and that I could never recover. After listening to me for weeks, he asked if I was willing to try a different way. "But it won't work" I whined. "Are you at least willing to try?" He repeated. When I finally said yes, my life began to change.

The freedom and recovery I have found through working the steps has shown me the way out of the hell I used to put myself through. Today I look for solutions to situations that used to baffle me, and I have learned through experience that 'This, too, shall pass'. Today I stay focused on the next indicated action and look for ways to move through times that seem unbearable.

Today I know that when I'm going through hell, it's important that I keep going!

[bluidkiti]

September 1

Quote of the Week

"People have the right not to recover."

The first time I heard this saying I thought it was cruel and insensitive. I had been in Al-Anon about six months and was still convinced that I not only could help other people in my life recover, but that it was in fact my job to do so. Learning to detach with love was still foreign to me and the idea of allowing someone to destroy their life was unthinkable. When I asked my sponsor what to do he told me to look at my own experience.

As a double winner (in both programs), I knew first hand how ineffective others were in trying to get me to see the dangers of my drinking and using. The more they tried to warn me or control my behavior, the more I resented and avoided them. In fact, their attempts had the opposite effect - they drove me to isolate and drink even more! In the end what I learned to be true is what I've since heard in meetings a thousand times - until we admit to our innermost selves that we're an alcoholic (or addict) we won't do the things we need to do to get and stay sober.

Over the years one of the things that continue to baffle me is why some people recover and others - who so obviously need it and would benefit from it - don't. I've had to accept my powerlessness over others, but it's still hard to see those I care about ruin their lives. My sponsor once told me that I needed to respect someone's decision to drink themselves to death. That still sounds harsh but there's a strange, sad truth to it.

It's a reminder that people have the right to not recover.

[bluidkiti]

September 8

Quote of the Week

"The most spiritual thing you can do is to help someone."

One of the most important things I've learned in the program is that whenever two alcoholics get together, God is present. I feel the energy of God flow through me as I talk with, listen to and help another person. It often takes contrary action for me to reach out, but I am always rewarded with a sense of peace and serenity as I connect with and help another.

It wasn't always like this. Selfish and self-centered in the extreme, I crawled into the rooms emotionally bankrupt and in a state of perdition. I dammed God's energy up inside me, and it almost destroyed me. Even today I have to guard against my tendency to isolate and self obsess.

Indeed, one of the greatest lessons I've learned (and seemingly have to re-learn!) is that God's purpose, and so my purpose, is to be of service. It is the way out of the prison of self, and it always sets both our spirits free.

[bluidkiti]

September 15

Quote of the Week

"If you don't like what you hear at a meeting, then say what you need to hear."

At a question and answer meeting I attend, I often hear questions and comments from people who either don't enjoy meetings, or who don't think that particular meeting gives them what they need. "It's always the same people saying the same things," I hear them say. I'm response to thins, a member shared this quote and suggested they participate and "say what you need to hear."

In itself this is great advice, but it addresses a fundamental issue as well - being of service. So many people (myself included) go to meetings to get something from them and to feel better afterwards. And most of the time we do. What we may forget sometimes, though, is that meetings are also a perfect place for us to be of service. Often what we end of taking away from a meeting is in direct proportion to what we contributed to it.

These days, whenever I'm feeling annoyed or disinterested at a meeting, I now know to ask myself what "I'm" doing to add to it. This works so well, that I now do this at work, at home, and even at the market.

Service truly is the answer in my life today and the best part is that here is always, everywhere, an opportunity for me to be of service.

[bluidkiti]

September 22

Quote of the Week

"God's rejection is God's protection."

Recently I had an opportunity that I was really excited about fall through unexpectedly. At first I was disappointed, then I grew angry, and then I began to examine my part. After determining, with the help of my sponsor, that my side of the street was clean, I began to feel like the Universe was against me and that I might never get what I wanted. And that's when I heard this quote.

This quote immediately reminded me that I had turned my will and my life over to the care of a God of my understanding, and that after I took the appropriate actions, the results were no longer up to me. Despite my expectations, or hopes or desires, I was reminded that turning it over meant accepting God's will for me, even if (and maybe especially if) things didn't turn out the way I thought they should.

This realization soon brought about a surrender. And for me, at this stage of my recovery, I generally find that what I am surrendering is my limited vision for one that is grander, more fulfilling and more appropriate for the person God intends for me to become. God always has a better idea for me than any I can think up for myself.

Today, I have real faith that God's rejection is God's protection.

[bluidkiti]

September 29

Quote of the Week

"If I'm OK with me, I have no need to make you wrong."

One of the biggest gifts I've been given in recovery is the ability to pause when I'm feeling anxious, angry or judgmental and ask myself what I'm afraid of. Just today as I was driving I found that I was taking all the other driver's inventories. That guy was driving to fast; she was making an illegal u-turn; that guy was driving like an idiot and should be locked up. Suddenly a wonderful awareness came over me and I stopped and did a quick fear inventory. Within minutes I was restored to sanity and once again my focus was where it should have been - on my own driving.

It didn't always used to be this way. For years whenever I was feeling out of sorts, I looked outside of myself for the cause. There was always someone not doing things my way, or someone acting worse than I was, and it was easy to point out their faults to make myself feel better. Needless to say, I had more resentments than friends, and when I entered the program I was angry and alone.

What I've learned in recovery is that whenever I'm feeling irritable, restless or discontented, it is always because I'm in self-centered fear and spiritually disconnected from my Higher Power. The ability to recognize this has literally changed my life, and today I use the tools of the program to self-sooth and to live comfortably in my own skin.

Today if I'm OK with me, I have no need to make you wrong.