Addicted to Busy

[MajestyJo]

Our problem is not that we take refuge from action in spiritual things, but that we take refuge from spiritual things in action.

- Monica Furlong

When I came into recovery, I could not be alone. I had to have people around, the TV on or music playing. Me alone with me was bad company. So I learned to get busy and run from the stinking thinking.

Then I became addicted to busy, so busy helping others, and doing service work, I didn't find time to be alone and deal with my own issues.

Once I did the Steps, thinking it was a done deal, not realizing that recovery is a process. It is one day at a time. It isn't all about helping the other person, it is also about helping and healing for myself. I can't give away what I don't have.

If I am busy, I don't have time to the defect of character that keeps making itself known. If I keep busy, I don't have to look at my relationship(s). If i keep busy, I don't have to look at me.

Learning to meditate helped me to learn to be still and quiet my mind. I was full of should I, shouldn't I, and had a hard time coming to a decision, because I had trouble, being still long enough to turn it over and then wait for the answer.

It is okay to just be. I don't have to be caught up in busy.

[MajestyJo]

"It's said that idle hands are the devil's workshop" -unknown

All addictions are obsessive compulsive orders. For me, that is what addition is. Not able to be alone with oneself, always looking for some person, place, and thing to take them out of themselves. Most people in recovery have very low self-esteem and feel like they have to prove their worth. They feel like they are less than, so they have to do in order to find worth in their own lives. Especially because of the old tape you quoted.

As Osho says, Devil is opposite of Lived. I know I never lived my life, I lived it through others. I was always busy doing for them, doing volunteer work and running away from home to find that illusive something that kept escaping me. I didn't know it was myself. Whether it was the job, volunteering in the community, or just going out with friends. I always wanted to belong, if I did for you, you will like me. If you could see how nice I was, and accept the person you see being busy and productive, you won't know that I am really hurting inside.

You really wouldn't like what I see in there. So I will paint a different picture that we can both look at and escape the reality or the false sense of self that I have about myself.

Recovery is about building a relationship with myself. Not only learning to love myself, but like me too. I need to learn to be my own best friend and give myself a break.

Not only a break, but a hug too!

[MajestyJo]

I think many of the "addictions" people have are really obsessive compulsive disorders.

For me, that is what addiction is. Anything that becomes me and who my God would have me be in today.

Many times I have picked up other things to not look at or do what I need to do for my recovery. Several times I have had to turn my thinking about food, service work and my computer to my Higher Power. I was starting to act out in old patterns and behaviors. I resented interruptions, I ignored other things and focused on them, I stuffed my feelings, I was again, looking for something outside of myself to make me feel better. I was shutting down and not allowing myself to deal with my issues at the time.

The same happened when in relationships. My focus was on them and what made them happy. Wanting them to fulfill something that I thought was missing in me. I looked to them for affirmation and validation. I was so wrapped up in them, I let some of the do things that I need to for my recovery slip and be put aside.

It isn't the substance that is the problem. It is me and my thinking.

Between my books, TV shows and computer, I can get caught up on busy. I tell myself, it is okay and I do get out and about and I do go out to bridge. The reality was I played 3 times a week and then I was only playing once every other week.

Because of my pain, I was able to detach from it by going online but now the pain is less, instead of being on the computer less, I seem to be on it more.

I have been making a conscious effort to do more meditation and more quieting of the mind and trying to find some balance in my life.

It is good to be busy and doing. It is not good to be busy and over doing.

Posts I made in 2011

It is not good to be busy to hide from reality and shut off from what needs to be addressed. Service can be a busy that is good, but it often takes us away from our own issues that need to be addressed.

I know that t the beginning, I discounted my stuff because it didn't seem as bad as what other people went through. So I went through 2 abusive marriage, so I had an abusive boss, so I was raped 4 times, it is nothing compared to what others went through. I had to realize that I had to identify, not compare, and what was traumatic too me, had to be dealt with, and not compare it to someone else's life.

I couldn't postpone the steps and work on my own recovery, or I would relapse or die. I found it was very easy to pick up one substance for another and tell myself that I was clean. I realized you could be addicted to exercise, service, religion, work, and oh so much more. Anything that stands in the way of your recovery, anything that prevents you from having an honest one on one with your God. He know, you know, so we are we kidding?

It was an awesome gift to be able to sit and be with myself in the silence, without turning on a light, turning on the music or the TV, picking up the book, to fill up the space. It is not a problem to do. It is a problem if you HAVE TO DO.

As they say, busy as a beaver.



http://www.whats-your-sign.com/anima...sm-beaver.html