Wisdom For Today - April

[bluidkiti]

April 16

Wisdom for Today
Today we live in a time of much confusion and delusion regarding our basic beliefs about who we are as spiritual beings. In fact, many of us have thrown out our old ideas completely and have not looked for answers outside of ourselves. This narrow view that we are the center of the universe leads people to rely only on themselves. Many addicts and alcoholics experience this same confusion and delusion. "I am the center of the universe, and I can rely on no one except myself," is the mindset by which many addicts live. This narrow view in part leads to a terrible sense of anxiety. "What if I don't do it right? What if I can't make it? What if . . . ?"
Yet the program directs us not to look at ourselves, but to look for a Higher Power outside of ourselves. In fact, the program even names this Higher Power - God, as we understand Him. I know that when I walked into the doors of the program, I walked in filled with a strong sense of anxiety and failure. I was spiritually bankrupt. I needed to find hope somewhere, and this is exactly what I found. I found this hope not by looking in myself, but by looking outside of self. This is the hope that relieved my anxiety. Have I ceased relying only on myself?
Meditations for the Heart
Fence sitting is exactly what many addicts and alcoholics do. We do not want to make any decisions. Doubt keeps us captive on the fence. We just do not know which way to turn. I remember many times using the words, "I don't know." I would say these words to my family, and I would say them at meetings and to my sponsor. These words kept me from taking any action. I just couldn't get off the fence. There were many issues that I sat on the fence about. What recovery has taught me is to say, "Yes!" to the will of my Higher Power. Saying “Yes” leads me down the paths to a better place in my recovery. “Yes” brings me to a place to find strength and power. “Yes” brings me to a place to find courage and willingness. “Yes” brings me to a place where I am filled with His wisdom. Do I still let doubt and fence sitting keep me stuck?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
You have helped me remove the veil of confusion and doubt. My heart has been calmed, and I no longer live in an anxious state. I am grateful that I no longer have to live a life run by self-centered thinking. I am learning that the ways of the program do work, and I am willing to get off the fence and get into action. Lead me this new day.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

April 17

Wisdom for Today
This program is not a religious one, but a spiritual one. People in the program do not claim to be theologians. Instead we simply talk about the process of learning to live a spiritual life. We talk about matters like faith and hope. We describe how turning things over to a Higher Power has benefited our life. I can't graph out the spiritual process, nor can I draw you a roadmap on how to get there. But I can share how living a spiritual life of faith has led me out of loneliness. I can tell you how the hope I received in the program has calmed my anxiety and relieved my fears. I can tell you of many events that have happened in my life that have bought me happiness, inner peace and serenity. I can tell you that by living a spiritual life I have learned how to get along with other people.
Learning to live spiritually is accomplished through the steps, and it is learned from watching others in the program and following their example. Over time things such as depression, sorrow and pain are removed. Even the desire to drink or use drugs is removed. This does not mean that I am cured. It just is a benefit of living the program and having faith. It comes through obedience to the will of a Higher Power. It is His care to which we turn, and He will not let us down. Life is not always easy, and there are still bumps in the road. I still have problems, but these problems are by far much better than the ones I used to have. I still take five steps ahead and two steps back. Yet over time, living a Spirit-filled life leads to progress. Am I learning to live a Spirit-filled life?
Meditations for the Heart
A question that has popped into my head in the past was, "Is it okay to expect a miracle?" Well, the answer is a resounding – YES! Take a look around when you are at your next meeting, and you will see a room full of them. Ask any old-timer in the program if they ever experienced a miracle, and they undoubtedly will tell you of many in their recovery process. Miracles happen every day in recovery. You just have to look for them. Some people are a little reluctant to call them miracles and instead call these things change. But if you press them into how these changes occurred, you will hear them say it happened by walking the walk and by trusting in a Higher Power to do things I cannot do for myself. I would call that a miracle. Many things have happened in my recovery that I can't explain any other way. Do you expect a miracle? Are you willing to wait for the miracle to occur?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
I start my day with a quiet time with You. In this conversation with You I both listen and talk to You. Help me this day to carry Your words and guidance with me. Teach me to live in the light of Your Spirit. Help me to stay on the path of spiritual living. Let me continue to experience Your miracles in my life. Walk with me this day.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

April 18

Wisdom for Today
Today is a gift. Each and every day I stay clean and sober is a gift from the program and from my Higher Power. I have choices in how I enter this day and in how I use this time I am given. Most of us, when we receive a gift, do not immediately jump up and down on it and break it. We value the gift we have received. And so it is with this day we have been given. When I see each day as a gift and value it, my approach to my day is different. I can start my day with a true sense of gratitude and thank God for all that He has done for me. I can eagerly ask for His help and guidance throughout my day. I can end my day and look back and realize that the gift I received was valued and that I did all I could to use my time wisely.

Each day unfolds differently. None of us can foresee the events that are about to occur. However, no matter what happens in my day, I have come to believe that when I walk through it with my Higher Power, I will be kept safe. Having this security is truly a wonder. No matter what problems arise, I know that I can be assured all the strength and courage I need for the day. I know that I can make constructive choices and follow the narrow path upon which God leads me. All I need do is listen for the heartbeat of His Spirit and follow it. Do I truly value the gift of another day?
Meditations for the Heart
“God is not finished with me yet.” This realization brings a whole new perspective for me. When I think about how God rescued me from drowning in a raging flood of addiction, I can be confident that He did not do this only to throw me back again. Yes, I can choose to jump back in, or I can walk too closely to the edge and slide back into the torrents, but this is not His plan for me. An Emergency Medical Technician does not administer CPR only to turn around and suffocate you once you have been revived. I do not know where God’s plan for me will lead, but I am confident that His plan is better than mine. His will is to lead me to the promises of the program; I simply need follow. I need to do the footwork. I need to be open and willing to follow His lead. Am I honestly working to follow His will for me?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,

Today give me a heart that is willing to rely on You and Your plan for me. Help me to find true security in Your loving arms. Guide me through the steps of this day. I trust You to keep me in the way and give me the strength to not let go.

Amen.

[bluidkiti]

April 19

Wisdom for Today
Each and every day I am faced with a choice. A choice to continue on the path of recovery or a choice to do an about face and return to the insanity. One choice leads to life, and the other choice leads to death. None of us knows for sure, certainly not I, where my next drunken high might lead. But one thing is certain. Making the choice gets easier if I really value my recovery. If I truly value my own life, if I truly value my relationship with a Higher Power, if I truly value honesty and if I truly value what recovery has given me, then making the choice is not so hard.
So the question each addict and alcoholic faces is this - What do I truly value? It is easy to say the words that I value my recovery, but it is entirely something different to look at where I spend my time. My sponsor once told me that all I had to do to determine what I really valued was to look at how I was spending my time. If I truly valued the program, I would spend time at meetings and working the steps. If I truly valued a relationship with my Higher Power, I would spend time with Him in prayer and meditation. If I truly valued honesty and the things that recovery had gifted me with, then this is where I would spend my time. What do I really value today?
Meditations for the Heart
The real work of the program is to grow spiritually. It is too easy to grow complacent and lazy about my spiritual life. It takes real commitment to develop good spiritual habits. Each day I have a routine to build my relationship with God. But a strong spiritual life exists far beyond the morning and evening routine. It is about seeking after good in all that I do. It is about becoming willing to be obedient to His will for me. It is about seeking His treasure for me that exists here in this life. Only when I am diligent about this search in all that I do can I hope to find the hidden treasure. And what is this treasure? Well, the program speaks of the promises of recovery. It talks of things like peace of mind and serenity. It speaks of a new way of living, being no longer baffled by life. Are these things too high a goal? I think not. I have seen these things in my own life, and I have seen these things in the lives of many other recovering people. It takes work, but the goal is worth it. Am I working to grow spiritually?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
You know the inner workings of my soul. You know my true desire and what I really value. Help me this day to seek after what You want in my life. Lead me to a place of willingness and teach me to become obedient. Let me this day grow along spiritual lines and learn to value the gift of recovery I have been given.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

April 20

Wisdom for Today
Probably one of the biggest changes I have experienced in recovery has been achieving serenity and peace of mind. I do not have this all the time, but more often than not I can go through my day and not live in a state of constant anxiety. When I was actively drinking and using, some of the anxiety I felt was physical. I would wake up in the morning and feel sick. My body felt like a truck had hit it. My body ached, and I was agitated, shaky and nervous. But that was a small part of what was going on inside of me. It was much more the mental anguish.

I lived in a state of fear. I suffered in quiet desperation. I always felt different, and I was lonely and isolated from everyone, even myself. I didn’t know myself anymore. I lived with a growing sense of inferiority, guilt and shame. There was no inner peace. I had no serenity. The program and working the steps changed all of that. I am not really sure when I first began to gain the sense of inner calmness; but as my behavior, beliefs and thinking all began to change through my being clean and sober, something changed on the inside. I began to know peace, and I began to know serenity. Am I changing on the inside? Do I know more peace of mind in recovery?
Meditations for the Heart
As an addict and alcoholic I know I need to look for guidance from my Higher Power. But one place more than any other has this been true – my daily interaction with other people. I have learned just how easy it is for me to get off track with my thinking, my emotions and my self-image if I don’t turn to my Higher Power and ask for direction in my interactions with other people. God can and will lead me if I turn to Him. He will care for me in all my relationships with other people. He will keep me from temptation and failure if I follow where He leads. He will protect me in all my interpersonal interactions with others. I am led to places where I can grow in my relationships with others. I am shown how to develop trust and rebuild my interpersonal life with others. I find ways to live properly and treat others as I would want to be treated. My loneliness disappears. Am I finding that my Higher Power teaches me to have healthy relationships?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,

I am grateful for the sense of inner peace You have given me. The inner serenity I experience, even in the middle of life’s storms, is a gift from You. Thank You for showing me the way to get to this place in my life. Help me to continue to grow in my relationships with others. Lead me, teach me and show me what I need to do in this day.

Amen.

[bluidkiti]

April 21

Wisdom for Today
Probably one of the biggest changes I have experienced in recovery has been achieving serenity and peace of mind. I do not have this all the time, but more often than not I can go through my day and not live in a state of constant anxiety. When I was actively drinking and using, some of the anxiety I felt was physical. I would wake up in the morning and feel sick. My body felt like a truck had hit it. My body ached, and I was agitated, shaky and nervous. But that was a small part of what was going on inside of me. It was much more the mental anguish.

I lived in a state of fear. I suffered in quiet desperation. I always felt different, and I was lonely and isolated from everyone, even myself. I didn’t know myself anymore. I lived with a growing sense of inferiority, guilt and shame. There was no inner peace. I had no serenity. The program and working the steps changed all of that. I am not really sure when I first began to gain the sense of inner calmness; but as my behavior, beliefs and thinking all began to change through my being clean and sober, something changed on the inside. I began to know peace, and I began to know serenity. Am I changing on the inside? Do I know more peace of mind in recovery?
Meditations for the Heart
As an addict and alcoholic I know I need to look for guidance from my Higher Power. But one place more than any other has this been true – my daily interaction with other people. I have learned just how easy it is for me to get off track with my thinking, my emotions and my self-image if I don’t turn to my Higher Power and ask for direction in my interactions with other people. God can and will lead me if I turn to Him. He will care for me in all my relationships with other people. He will keep me from temptation and failure if I follow where He leads. He will protect me in all my interpersonal interactions with others. I am led to places where I can grow in my relationships with others. I am shown how to develop trust and rebuild my interpersonal life with others. I find ways to live properly and treat others as I would want to be treated. My loneliness disappears. Am I finding that my Higher Power teaches me to have healthy relationships?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,

I am grateful for the sense of inner peace You have given me. The inner serenity I experience, even in the middle of life’s storms, is a gift from You. Thank You for showing me the way to get to this place in my life. Help me to continue to grow in my relationships with others. Lead me, teach me and show me what I need to do in this day.

Amen.

[bluidkiti]

April 22

Wisdom for Today
Did you ever have one of those days that was just good all the way around? Recovery has blessed me with many of these kinds of days. I don't think I can say that about my days when I was active in my addiction. Sure, there were good times, times when I wasn't in trouble; and those days were marked by luck when I was still getting high. Drinking became more and more a part of my life. Using drugs never seemed to slow down. But I really don't think I could ever say that I had a really good day – a day when I was at peace with the world and with myself. Using just seemed to take any real joy out of the day.
One thing that has really helped me to have those good days in recovery has been to learn to sing the song, "Don't bring me down." What I mean is this. There is nothing in this life that is so heavy or that can upset me so much that it gets me down. I have learned to have a deep abiding faith that my Higher Power walks with me in all that I do. He is always there to take care of me. Yes, things still go wrong in my life, and I have problems, but nothing that will bring me down to the depths that my addiction once did. I am climbing out of those depths only to reach new heights. It is a part of His plan for my life in recovery. Do I know that I will never go back to the depths as long as I keep my Higher Power by my side?
Meditations for the Heart
There was a time when I walked through the desert of life. The burning sun sapped the life out of me. Then I came to the program and like a big rock in the middle of that desert, it provided shade for me. It was a shelter from that which certainly would have brought me death. It provided shade for me from the searing heat. At first, this safe place was wonderful. Then early in recovery I began to wonder if I could ever leave the safety that this rock represented. I began to think that I was stuck out in the middle of the desert and would never be able to leave the safety of the shade that the program offered. It was purely an act of faith to leave this spot in hopes of finding green valleys that I heard so many talk of in the program. I was surprised to find out that the rock followed me. This is what God does. He lifts the rock and carries it so that we always have a safe place to go to. God is our refuge and our strength. Am I finding the faith to continue my journey in recovery?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
I do not know yet what this day will bring, but I am confident in You. I have watched You provide a safe place for me day after day in my journey. It is Your strength that I rely on. This is not something I could do without Your help and guidance. Let me have a strong faith in Your everlasting help. Help me to know that every day in recovery is a good day.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

April 23

Wisdom for Today
Every one of us in the program has clay feet. However, we do not all have the same weaknesses. This is why we depend on the group as a whole. We do not want to rely on any one person alone, even our sponsor. While sponsors are individuals who have a good deal of clean time under their belt, they too have clay feet. This is why the fellowship and the group are so important to us. We need other people to bounce ideas off of. We need to be able to talk to others when we are not finding the help we are seeking. The program teaches us “not to put all our eggs in one basket.” Sponsors are not perfect, and neither is anyone else in the program.
I feel sorry for those that do not develop a number of relationships in the program. They are choosing to walk on thin ice. What happens if the person they are depending on most relapses? What happens if the person they are depending on most moves away? Each of us needs to find a sponsor that helps us find our way in recovery, but we should all take caution in relying only on this person. There is only one that we can rely on always and that one is our Higher Power. God is always there for us, but we still need others we can talk to and get feedback from. Putting someone on a pedestal and relying on just that one person can lead to big trouble for us in our recovery. Have I developed a network of individuals for the ongoing support I need?
Meditations for the Heart
There is a peace that cannot be taken from us. That peace is an inner peace that passes all understanding. It is an inner peace that is a gift from God. No one person has the power to disrupt this inner peace. They can't take it from us. Only we can disrupt this peace by refusing to work the program and falling on our faces. We must guard this peace with a real sense of purpose. We must guard it, as if it is the most valuable possession we have. We must be careful not to let the world's insanity and problems into this inner peace. If we do, it is too easy for us to be distracted by these problems and lose the gift of our inner peace. This does not mean that we ignore problems when they arise, it just means that we must always have a safe place to go when we start to get overwhelmed by the problems around us. This inner peace provides us with solitude to think, to meditate, to ask for help, to receive strength and courage. Yes, we must keep on our guard to value this gift. Do I protect my inner peace and value the gift I have received?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
I am so grateful for the gift of inner peace that I have received. Help me to do what is necessary to protect this inner peace by not letting the insanity and problems of life get to me on the inside. Help me this day to expand my network of friends in recovery and in the world. Give me courage to ask for help when I need it. Teach me to rely on this group of friends.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

April 24

Wisdom for Today
At almost every meeting I attend, I hear words of wisdom. Sometimes this wisdom comes from an old-timer in the program and at other times it may come from someone who is brand new to the program. Sometimes, I even surprise myself and hear the words coming out of my mouth. These words of wisdom may be a quick one liner or they may come from someone who speaks for several minutes. I never really know where I will hear these words of wisdom; I just know that it is my job to listen for them.

It may be that I hear an old idea restated in a different way that sheds light on my current issues. It may be that I am hearing something for the first time or it may simply be that it is the first time that what was said makes sense. Over time I have learned that I need to listen for these words because I never know when I might need them. It may be the same day or it may be months from now that I will be able to use these words in my own life. One thing I do know is that without
these words of wisdom, I still might be stuck at step one. These words of wisdom have taught me how to live the program. These words of wisdom have helped me time after time deal with difficult situations in my life. These words have helped to save my life. Do I put the words I hear into action?
Meditations for the Heart
Sometimes I still behave in ways that I later regret. I say things to someone else that I wish I hadn’t or I behave in ways I wish never happened. Each of us in recovery has these experiences. What is important about these experiences is that we learn from them. What could I have done differently? What amends might I need to make? What is the real issue underneath of my behavior? What character defect emerged in this situation? What was my part in what happened? It has been important for me to ask myself questions like this in my recovery. It has also been important for me to talk with others about situations like this so that I can gain insight and perspective. Sometimes, in fact frequently, I discover that I simply did not have a good answer to my issue. This is why talking to others has helped me in my recovery. Other times, I find new solutions to old problems. Do I remain open to growing in my recovery?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,

Life is sometimes hard and I am not sure how to handle it. I screw up and I make mistakes. I am so grateful that You put people in my life to help me sort through these difficulties. Grant me this day an open mind and good ears to listen for words of wisdom that may help me along my journey. Grant me humility to admit my mistakes and learn from them.

Amen

[bluidkiti]

April 25

Wisdom for Today
I used to spend a lot of time wondering about the future. I had these images of what it meant to be successful. I dreamed of having a higher power job and making lots of money. I dreamed of having a wonderful family. I dreamed of one day sitting on my front porch and drinking a beer and enjoying all the fruits of my labors. Addiction changed all those dreams into nightmares. I couldn’t find a decent job. I didn’t finish school. My family life became dysfunctional, and all those dreams and hopes melted away.

In recovery, I see things differently. I have learned that I do not have to wonder about my tomorrows as long as I take care of today. I can rest assured that tomorrow will take care of itself as long as I am doing what I need to do today. Many of those dreams I had are indeed coming true for me now. I managed to go back to school and finish what I had started. Although my family life has not turned out as I had once imagined, I am trilled with the family life I do have. I even found a job that I love doing. I no longer wonder about tomorrow. I simply wonder about what my Higher Power has planned for me today; the rest will take care of itself. Am I living life to it’s fullest today?
Meditations for the Heart
I do love opening presents and finding out what is inside of the beautifully wrapped boxes. Sometimes I find the things I need, and at other times I find a real surprise. I think all of us enjoy this experience. For me recovery has been much the same. It is like opening a whole bunch of wonderful presents. Many of the gifts I receive in recovery are very much the things I really need and others are a pleasant surprise. Sometimes the gifts of recovery are an encouraging word from a friend. Sometimes it is a new insight or maybe being accepted and forgiven. Still other times are a complete surprise; God turns the pages of my life in a whole new direction. I did not always recognize the gifts I received early in recovery, but today I look for these gifts and work to cherish the gifts that I receive, as they are more valuable to me than any earthly possession. Do I recognize and cherish the gifts that recovery brings?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,

So many good things have happened to me in recovery, and I now know these are all gifts. By all rights, my addiction should have taken all these things from me; but You rescued me from this fate. Help me this day to acknowledge and cherish the gifts of recovery. Teach me to live in today with wisdom, courage, and faith.

Amen

[bluidkiti]

April 26

Wisdom for Today
One of my favorite aspects of attending meetings is the incredible diversity of the people who attend. We all come into the program from different walks of life. There can be everything from a homeless street addict to a top CEO from business and industry. You will see doctors, layers, and Indian chiefs, housewives, blue-collar workers and teenagers, old-timers and people of every color. Addiction to alcohol and drugs shows no partiality. This very diversity of the program is one of its greatest assets. Each of us brings our own unique perspectives on life in recovery. We are able to teach each other by sharing our experience, strength and hopes with each other. What is one persons character defect, shortcoming or weakness may be someone else's strength.
Each of us in the program has something to offer another. What is my weakness may be your strength. And my strength may be exactly what you are looking for. These strengths and weakness that exist within the program help to balance out the whole. Finding balance is something we all need, and the program helps us to achieve just this. We may all have the same problem, but it is this very diversity with the program that helps us learn how to live life again. It is important for each of us to recognize that we have something to offer. It is just as important for each of us to see that we have something to learn. Do I see that balance and learning to live can be achieved through the members of the program?
Meditations for the Heart
"Stay connected," these are the words my sponsor gave me over and over again. He wasn't just talking about our relationship, although he expected me to call him everyday in the beginning. He was talking about staying connected to my home group. He was talking about staying connected to the program and the steps. He was talking about staying connected to my Higher Power. At first staying connected meant being glued to my support system. As I got further along in recovery, it meant staying plugged in. This connection to all the support has kept me from going back to relying only on myself, and I know that would be nothing but trouble. I have seen people with years of recovery under their belt get unplugged from their support system only to see them eventually get unplugged from recovery. Because of this I know better. Do I stay connected?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
You have created the world as a place of marked diversity, a place in your own image. This very diversity is what helps me become a better person and teaches me how to live with balance. Balance helps me maintain a true sense of humility. This day help me to stay connected to the support that is always available to me. Teach me not to fear asking for help. Let me also be willing to give help when I am asked.
Amen

[bluidkiti]

April 27

Wisdom for Today
When I was active in my addiction, it took every ounce of energy I had just to hold on. It didn’t seem to matter how tightly I held on; things continued to slip away. First it was my relationships with my parents and siblings. Then my relationship with God fell by the wayside. Soon my friends started to disappear, and then my job started to get away from me. In every way possible, my life was slipping away and I knew it was just a matter of time before I lost my life as well. All meaning in life
just seemed to fade away. I was living with only limited time left.

The program and the Grace of God gave life back to me. Today I understand that this time I have been given is borrowed. I owe the program and my Higher Power for saving my life. My whole attitude about my life has changed since coming into the program. I now understand that the life I hold onto today is a gift. I realize that I need to hold this life in trust for the program and for God. This is why I try to give back in some small measure what I have been given. I feel a sense of
responsibility to help others in any way that I can accept the gift that is freely given by God and by the program. Do I hold my life in trust for the program and for God?
Meditations for the Heart
Think deeply about the gift of recovery that has been given to you. When I really stop and think about what could have been and where I am at in my life today, I sit in awe. A miracle has happened. Not only do I have life, but also I have found happiness and inner peace. Then when I think about what it means to have this gift and to hold it in trust, it becomes easy to do the things I need to do in recovery. When I realize what has happened to me in recovery, I become convinced
that anything is possible. I only need to practice these principles in all that I do. I believe that more miracles will occur in my life if I hold my life in trust for God. When I do what He wants me to do, good things happen. I simply need to follow His lead and leave the results up to Him. I know everything will be good. Even in my struggles, I have learned that good can come from these. Am I making good the trust I have been given?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,

This is a day to celebrate the miracle of my life. In humble gratitude I know I have been entrusted to live my life as You would want me to. Let me not forget all that has been done for me by the people in the program and by Your mighty hand. Today I know I can celebrate because of the gift of a new day. Let me use this gift wisely.

Amen

[bluidkiti]

April 28

Wisdom for Today
The real question we all must face is, "Can I learn from my experience and grow and help others?" Tough question! -- because in each of us is the tendency to live in extremes. On the one hand, there is the side of us that plays the role of the rebel. We grow tired of all the structure that recovery demand of us. We resist doing what we know we should. We refuse to follow the lead of our Higher Power. The role of the rebel does not lead to growth. On the other extreme there is the tendency to assume perfection. Perfection simply is not attainable and always leads us to a place where we feel defeated and worthless.
In order to grow in our experiences, we need to find something in the middle of these two extremes. What we find here is something called humility. Here we learn to accept who and what we are. Here is where we learn what we can become. Here is where we can share our experience to help others. It has only been in a place of humble acceptance that I have learned from my experiences. I have learned the delaying of growth that both perfectionism and rebellion cause. The course of relative humility is the only place I really learn anything. The progress is not always quick, but the lessons are essential for my recovery. Have I stopped trying to live in extremes?
Meditations for the Heart
One of the greatest joys I have experienced in recovery is to watch a room full of addicts and alcoholics suddenly burst into laughter. Usually it is because of a story being shared that we all can relate to. We see the humor in our stupidity. We learn to laugh at the insanity of the illness. It is as if everyone in the room suddenly has had a light of self acceptance turned on and we can all laugh about our crazy behavior at the same time. It is not so much the laughter that heals, but the genuine self acceptance we experience in this moment. When these moments happen I like to file them away, so that in times beating myself up or times when I get too self-reliant, I can think back to this genuine self acceptance. These moments act as a good mirror for me and allow me to look at myself in a true reflection of who I am. Have I found a genuine self acceptance?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Teach me to walk a humble path this day, for it is on this path that I learn the lessons of recovery. Keep me open to Your vision for my life. Help me find a good mirror so that I can see myself in Your light . Grant me this day what I need for the journey.
Amen

[bluidkiti]

April 29

Wisdom for Today
Desire is one aspect of addiction that can get really out of hand. All human beings are born with abundant natural desires. But add alcohol and drugs to these natural desires and it isn't strange that we often far exceed their intended purpose. We all desire liquid to quiet our thirst. But when our desire is for a "cold one," then we have a tendency to let our desire run wild. When desire drives us blindly, or we willfully demand more than what is possible, then we head down a road of self-destruction. For many of us it was not just the alcohol or drugs that we desired. But desire took us looking for money, power, sex, and even revenge. Addiction and desire became warped and took us to our bottom.
If we ask, God will certainly forgive our insatiable thirst for satisfaction of our warped desires. But He does not leave us with no desire. Even in recovery, desire can be our friend or our foe. If we desire a life - clean and sober, then desire can be our friend. When we desire to follow the path of the steps, then we find happiness. However, if we continue to let desire lead us in an unhealthy direction, then we will reap the consequences this brings. If we desire to run the show our way, it is certain to bring us back to our knees. In recovery, we learn that we must desire to do His will, if we want to find freedom. Where are my desires taking me?
Meditations for the Heart
One temptation I face is to pray for specific outcomes for others I care about. I admit that the prayers I pray are often well intended, because I seek to have God help someone I care about. But when I will ask God to remove their pain, to relieve their struggle, I am also at risk for assuming that I know what God's will for these individuals is. These prayers are said as well intended requests of God. Yet, these very same prayers can get me into trouble. It is all too easy for me to begin to suppose to know the will of God. It is as if I ask these things assuming that this is His will. This type of presumption and conceit can lead me into a very bad place. It took me a while to understand this temptation - to see that I was acting as if I knew what God's plan is. In the program I have learned that I ought to pray for God's will to be done for others as well as for myself. Do I pray with presumption of my knowing God's will?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Your wisdom is far beyond my understanding. Your plan is beyond my knowledge. Help me this day to trust Your wisdom and your plan, not just for me , but also for others. Teach me not to presume knowledge of Your will, and simply to follow where You lead. Free me from unhealthy desire and to desire only your will for me and the power to carry this out.
Amen

[bluidkiti]

April 30

Wisdom for Today
One hard lesson we all had to learn is that we will never be the same again. Once we got the program given to us, this gift changed us forever. Some of us have tried to go back out there and found out the hard way that drinking and using drugs just wasn't what we thought it would be. Relapse is a hard lesson; and once we have tried it, we soon find out that the fantasy of normal drinking or social use was just that, a fantasy. We think to ourselves, "Maybe they were right after all. I am not able to control it. It controls me."
Relapse frequently ends up with feelings of extreme guilt, shame and loneliness. The consequences are often profound. This is why it is so important for us to get back to the program and stay there. We learn the hard way, but the important thing is that we learn. I finally had to ask myself, "How far do I want to dig this hole I have gotten into. I had to go back and walk through the doors again and start over. I had to learn what I didn't learn when I first walked through the doors of the program. Today I know that I can't go back. I don't even want to. The program has given me so much that I do not want to even risk losing it again. I'm glad I will never be the same again. Have I stopped digging the hole deeper?
Meditations for the Heart
I have been in meetings with individuals whose religious training was far superior to mine. I have watched them struggle with the reality that all their convictions and beliefs had not stopped the insanity of addiction. I have watched as these same individuals questioned why their faith had failed, and others have succeeded. "Why didn't all my religious training save me from this insanity?" they ask. It is not that their training did not save them, rather it is the best example that faith alone does not work. If we sit on the sideline faithfully waiting for God to fix us, nothing happens. Yet when we attend every practice session and work hard to develop our skills, God sees that we have been faithful in our effort and rewards us by sending us into the game of life. We have to walk the walk, not just talk the talk. We cannot simply hope our way into recovery. For me recovery comes not so much because I have faith, instead it comes because I am faithful in following where I am led. Am I willing to be faithful?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Am I ever grateful that I have learned that I no longer need to keep digging the hole of addiction. More so, I am glad that I have been taught to do the repair work needed to keep my recovery going strong. Today I will be faithful to Your calling and Your direction. Lead me on this path to where You wish me to be.
Amen