Laughter, Smiles, and Chuckles

[MajestyJo]

Post Options Post by on Apr 19, 2006 at 2:52pm
I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are,
it's going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $20.

Have you seen the new cars coming out next year?
It won't be long before $2000 will only buy a used one.

If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit.
A quarter a pack is ridiculous.

Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime
just to mail a letter?

If they raise the minimum wage to $1, nobody will be able to
hire outside help at the store.

When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would
someday cost 29 cents a gallon.
Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage.

Kids today are impossible. Those duck tail hair cuts make it
impossible to stay groomed. Next thing you know, boys will be
wearing their hair as long as the girls.

I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since
they let Clark Gable get by with saying, "d**n" in "Gone With The
Wind," it seems every new movie has either hell or d**n in it.

I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to
put a man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have
some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas.

Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract
for $75,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me
if someday they'll be making more than the president.

I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would
be electric. They are even making electric typewriters now.

It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few
married women are having to work to make ends meet.

It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire
someone to watch their kids so they can both work.

Marriage doesn't mean a thing any more; those Hollywood stars
seem to be getting divorced at the drop of a hat.

I'm just afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to
a whole lot of foreign business.

Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government
takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are
electing the best people to Parliament.

The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather,
but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on.

There is no sense going to Lincoln or Omaha anymore for a
weekend. It costs nearly $15 a night to stay in a hotel.

No one can afford to be sick any more; $35 a day in the hospital
is too rich for my blood.

If they think I'll pay 50 cents for a hair cut, forget it.

This is something I posted in 2006. Just think, that was 8 years ago, so this is very old, but not as old as I am/. LOL

[MajestyJo]

“What do you call a water bottle without a cap? De-cap-itated.”

When Jesus Was Born
Saints Dominic, Francis of Assisi, and Ignatius of Loyola are transported back in time and place to the birth of Our Lord.St. Dominic, seeing the Incarnation of the Word, is sent into ecstasy.St. Francis, seeing God become a helpless child, is overcome with humility.St. Ignatius of Loyola takes Mary and Joseph aside and asks, “Have you given any thought to his education?”

[MajestyJo]

A rerun - Still a pretty lady.


A woman looks in the mirror and says I look fat and then asks her husband to give her a compliment he says ok you have perfect eye sight.

[MajestyJo]

This is funny It is what I do every day when I look at the cartoon. Is it funny? It has to make the Majesty Jo's funny bone twinge. Is it a rerun? Is it funny enough to repeat. Some are my all time favourites and get air play every time they appear; like the cat with the hat. That is my joke of the day. It is on me.

[MajestyJo]

A Florist's Mistake
A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send flowers for the occasion.
They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card; it said "Rest in Peace."
The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist said, "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, "Congratulations on your new location."

[MajestyJo]

Why are frogs always so happy? They eat what ever bugs them,

I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.

[MajestyJo]

You should have seen me trying to beat the clock. It was a joke on me.
The cards of the day change at midnight, and I wanted to post the Humour card and I had to rush to post it before midnight or I would have lost it.
I do have to admit to an anxious moment. I did say a prayer and my God saw me through.
Because I don't like red wavy lines, I had to change the American spelling into Canadian.
As a result this joke is before and after midnight.

[MajestyJo]

My wife was going through her wardrobe and said 'Look at this, it still fits me after 25 years'
I said 'It's a freaking scarf'

[MajestyJo]

[MajestyJo]

Baby Joke 1
What does a baby computer call his father? Data.

Baby Joke 2
Did you hear about the witch who had the ugliest baby in the world? She didn’t push the pram – she pulled it.

Baby Joke 3
What was the policeman’s baby’s first words ? Hallo, Hallo, Hallo !

Baby Joke 4
Knock knock. Who’s there? Baby Owl. Baby Owl who? Baby Owl see you later, baby not.

Baby Joke 5
How can you tell if a snake is a baby snake? It has a rattle.

Baby Joke 6
What did the mummy snake say to the crying baby snake? Stop crying and viper your nose.

Baby Joke 7
What do baby pythons play with? Rattle-snakes.

Baby Joke 8
What would you get if you crossed a new-born snake with a basketball? A bouncing baby boa.

Baby Joke 9
What is a baby bee? A little humbug.

[MajestyJo]

Q: Where do peanut drivers go to fill their tanks? A: The Shell station!
Q: How do you catch an elephant? A: Hide in the grass and make a sound like a peanut! Q: What kind of socks do you need to plant peanuts? A: Gard
en hose!
Q: Where did the peanuts go to have a few drinks? A: The Snack Bar! Two peanuts were walking down a road One was assaulted Q: What do you call a peanut in a spacesuit? A: An astronut!
Q: Did you hear the joke about the peanut butter? A: I'm not telling you. You might spread it!
Q. How is a dumb blonde like peanut butter? A. They spread for the bread.
Q: Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road? A: Because she's nuts! Q: What did the apple say to the peanuts? A: You're Nuts!
Q
hat did the peanut say to the elephant? A: Nothing, peanuts can't talk
Q What is another name for a kidney-stone? A: A pee-nut!
Q: Why did the peanuts run across the busy road? A: Because they were nuts!
Q: Why did the blonde smear peanut butter on the road? A: To go with the traffic jam.
Q: Why are people in Illinois having peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving this year? A: Because they're sending their turkey to the White House!
Q) What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? A) I can't peanut butter my cock down your throat!
Q: What kind of nuts hang? A: wallnuts.

[MajestyJo]

I have some key on my board that are giving me a hard time.

[MajestyJo]

[MajestyJo]