The Gift of Wings

[MajestyJo]

"The degree to which I create relationships which facilitate the growth of others as separate persons is a measure of the growth I have achieved for myself."

- Carl R. Rogers

People in healthy, loving relationships give each other the "gift of wings" to make their individual dreams come true. When love is wise, it realizes that each partner has special gifts to develop & contribute to living, the development of which makes them more of who they really are.

We seem most truly alive when the ones we love give us their encouragement & blessings to develop our potential. Wise loving gives each of us room to breathe & grow.

Some of us fear that a spirit of freedom will cause those we love to leave us & in our fear of abandonment, we hang on tight & work to put walls around our love. In a healthy relationship the "gift of wings" allows us each to soar, then gratefully return with an abundance of love & gratitude to celebrate & share with our partners.

Today, let me get honest in my appraisal of my relationships. Do I build bars & locks or encourage wings in the people I love?

THOUGHT FOR TODAY:

Freedom to be me was something that I never had in any relationship I had prior to recovery. Either I took someone hostage or I was taken hostage, and when I found myself in my first relationship in recovery, I realized that I was able to set boundaries, and it was his progam, my program, and our program.

The first recovery relationship I was in, he got comfortable in my space and didn't make space for himself. He would read a book, watch TV, and completely shut me out. He said, "I like sitting down in your restaurant and never took me out." He expected me to fix everything and take over all his cares and troubles and was not willing to take responsibility for himself. Didn't get a sponsor, rarely went to meetings, and he looked to me to be his support and fixer-upper.

We got together three times and broke up three times. He eventually went back to school, and we got back together. We split up, he got a job, and we got back together. In the end, he had three months on the job, had security and he broke off the relationship. Got his own place, then found a woman who would 'take care' of him. I was so grateful for the program and the ability to set the boundaries, to see the abuse and disrespect of the person, and to have the courage and strength to break it off was a big thing for me.

I was so grateful for the three years of Al-Anon, which showed me that I was worthwhile, which helped me to find me and my self-worth and self-esteem.

Posted in 2004

[MajestyJo]

Woe to people who look without understanding, who do not know their foundations. - The Talmud

The meaning of life is revealed to those who are ready to accept things which will be revealed. And it is he who has already decided that he will accept the truth as it is and is willing to change the way of life he or she has been accustomed to. If we are ready for the knowledge and wisdom, we then ask and it is presented to us.

This quote and the one before are from the Newsletter Antesian Road to Enlightenment and used with permission.

One of the greatest of gifts has been the awareness of the fact that if something is comfortable, it doesn't necessarily mean it is right. In fact, in reality, it is the complete opposite. When it is comfortable, it is like a well worn shoe, it needs to be removed, and possibly with new structure, more secure reinforced concepts, and from a complete new understanding.

It often causes pain and a few sore spots, but in the end, the new product looks and works so much better we wonder how we ever managed before.

I like the word foundation. I need to look at what it is built on, and whether it needs reinforcing and repair, or is it better, to tear down and rebuild.