Wisdom Of The Rooms - 2021

[bluidkiti]

November 22

Quote of the Week

"It is always easier to take someone else’s inventory"

I was a master at blaming others before I entered the program. Everything that was wrong about my life, or that could go wrong, was somebody’s or something else’s fault. I didn’t succeed at work because the company, the sales leads, or the economy was terrible. I didn’t have the relationships I wanted because no one understood me. On and on I went, in every situation, detailing the things that were wrong. Rarely did I stop to consider that I was the common denominator in it all.

As I started writing inventories in recovery, and when I was finally introduced to the fourth column of the Fourth Step called “my part,” I was taken aback. When my sponsor suggested that I begin taking my own inventory and owning up to my part of what was wrong in my life, I was even a little resentful. “But look at what my parents did,” I complained. “And at work they still skipped over me for that promotion,” I moaned. By carefully focusing on my behaviors in those situations, though, a different pattern emerged.

The freedom the program offers me comes from recognizing, owning, and finally changing the only thing I do have some power over—myself. Once I clearly see where I am at fault—perhaps the company didn’t promote me because I had a bad attitude and showed up late most of the time—I can begin to make changes that finally influence my life in a positive way. By being willing to own my side of the street, and by asking God to help me keep it cleaner, I’ve been able to let go of always judging and blaming others—and that allows me to have a much better life.

[bluidkiti]

November 29

Quote of the Week

"If I’m invested in the outcome, I’ve kept God out of it."

I was a big ball of self-will before I entered recovery. In most things, it was my way or the highway. If I couldn’t get my way, I’d change jobs or relationships, or I’d move. When I planned something, I’d start with the outcome I wanted, and then invest my time and effort making sure I got it. The trouble was, I often did get what I wanted, but it turned out that it was either never enough or the wrong kind, or ultimately it wasn’t what I wanted after all.

When I entered the program, I learned an entirely new way of living. The biggest change was to put my will aside and instead ask what God’s will was for me, and then try to follow that. This was as hard as it sounds, because all I knew was dependence on self. But by praying, meditating, and running things by others, I could often distinguish my selfish will versus what God would have me do.

One of the surest ways I have of testing how much I have truly surrendered to God’s will today is to ask myself how invested I am in the outcome. If I have planned everything out to the last detail, then I can be pretty sure I’m into self-will. But if I instead take the necessary actions, and then suit up and show up to be of service, then I remain open to God’s will. And ultimately, if I’m truly willing to be open, I find that what God has in store for me is always better than what I could have wanted for myself.

[bluidkiti]

December 6

Quote of the Week

"If you don’t like what you hear at a meeting, then say what you need to hear."

At a question-and-answer meeting I attend, I often hear people comment that they either don’t enjoy meetings or don’t think a particular meeting gives them what they need. “It’s always the same people saying the same things,” they complain. In response, another member shared this quote and suggested they participate and “say what they needed to hear.”

In itself this is great advice, but it also addresses a fundamental issue—being of service. So many people (myself included) go to meetings to get something from them and to feel better afterward. And most of the time we do. However, sometimes we may forget that meetings are also a perfect place for us to be of service. Often what we gain from a meeting is in direct proportion to what we contribute to it.

These days, whenever I’m feeling annoyed or disinterested at a meeting, I ask myself what I’m doing to add to it. Am I cleaning up, or reaching out to a newcomer, or contributing something useful? Looking for what I can add works so well that I now do this at work, at home, and even at the market. Service truly is the answer in my life today. The best part is that there is always, everywhere, an opportunity for me to be useful and to contribute.

[bluidkiti]

December 13

Quote of the Week

"Keep doing the things that got it good, not the things that got good."

I was in a meeting the other day when a guy took a newcomer chip for seven days sober. Before he sat down, he shared that he had twelve years but had gone out. He said it took almost five years to get seven days again, and that during those five years he went through hell. He lost his house again, his family, his career, and almost his life. He said he knew about meetings, about the program, about the disease, but he just couldn’t muster the willingness to get sober again.

After the meeting, I asked him what had happened, and he related a familiar story. At twelve years sober, life was great. He owned a big house and had all the toys. He was near the top of his career, and slowly the trappings of success became more important. Suddenly, golfing with his buddies took the place of his Sunday meeting, and after a while he stopped calling his sponsor and reduced his meetings to once or twice a month. Then he stopped going all together. At a barbeque someone handed him a cold beer, and he was off.

As I left the meeting, I was chilled with fear. My life was going pretty well, too, and there were times when I stayed home to watch football on my massive LCD TV instead of going to my Sunday meeting. I didn’t remember the last time I had spoken to my sponsor or if I even had one anymore. And that’s when I heard today’s quote: “Keep doing the things that got it good, not the things that got good.” I vowed right then to reconnect and recommit to my recovery. After all, I remembered that you don’t have to go out to start over.

[bluidkiti]

December 20

Quote of the Week

"How can I help you?"

It used to be all about helping myself. At parties, I helped myself to your alcohol and party favors. At work, I helped myself to your leads and referrals and territory. In relationships, I took as much as I could, and I only thought about giving back if it would help me to get more. As my drinking progressed, I helped myself to larger quantities of alcohol until finally someone suggested I get help in A.A.

When I came into the program, everyone seemed so willing to help me. People gave me their phone numbers, they offered me rides, and they invited me to fellowship. Someone offered to be my sponsor and take me through the Steps. It was great! But I soon learned that if I wanted to get well, I would have to help another. It was suggested that I take commitments, go to ninety meetings in ninety days, and help clean the room. At first, I resisted helping someone else. After all, I was still new and needed help myself. But then I learned the great truth about this program.

As I began talking to newcomers after meetings, listening to them and sharing what little experience I had, I began feeling better. I found that whenever I was having a tough time, the way out was always to help someone else. As I began sponsoring others, I found that I got just as much out of it as they did. In fact, it felt so good to help others that I began looking for ways to help in other areas of my life. These days, whenever I’m feeling anxious about a situation or uncomfortable in general, I simply ask how I can help. When I do, I see the wisdom in the saying “It is always better to give than to receive.”

[bluidkiti]

December 27

Quote of the Week

"We are always just an arm’s length away from active alcoholism."

Over the holidays, I came uncomfortably close to accidental slips. First there was that rum dessert. Then there were those liquor-filled chocolates we got for Christmas. Then there were a few nights’ worth of NyQuil to ward off my wife’s flu. And that’s when I heard today’s quote, and it scared me and snapped me back to reality. What I remembered is that many people who go out often start by mistake and then indulge in the belief that they can probably control and enjoy their drinking again. After all, they think it’s been years since they had a drink, and surely it wouldn’t have the same effect.

But then I consider today’s quote. First, “We are always just an arm’s length away. . . .” It is truly terrifying to realize that I am indeed just an arm’s length away from disaster. I don’t have to go far to go out; alcohol is all around me. And after long-term (or short-term) sobriety, it can be easy to let my guard down. And the second part is even scarier: “from active alcoholism.” When I think it through, what I know for sure is that if I picked up, it wouldn’t be long before I was in a state of pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. No one glass of wine for me. I would be all in and out of control. I shiver as I remember what that was like.

Thank God I still have a program and attend regular meetings. I know for sure that I am not cured; rather, I have a daily reprieve only, based on my spiritual condition. And this requires daily maintenance to keep up, and it requires constant vigilance. Alcoholism, as I have been taught and believe, is cunning, baffling, and powerful. I must continue to do the things that got me the gift of sobriety: pray to my Higher Power, continue to be of service, and work my program. When I do, I have access to the strength I need to resist temptation. And if I don’t, then active alcoholism is just an arm’s length away.