Today's Thought -April

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April 1

You Are Not Alone

The great thing is that we don't have to do it alone. And that's probably the most important thing in recovery.

I have to admit that my way didn't work. It worked for a lot of years, over twenty-five years, but the last year of my using wasn't very effective. I wasn't getting the relief and the peace of mind - you know; I wasn't getting numb enough to satisfy my demons. So, if it wasn't working, we have to get honest and try something different.

And what I found was a way out.

I found people who were willing to show me how they did it. So we don't have to do it alone.

~Doc D., U.S. Army, 1968-1970

Today's reading is from the book Leave No One Behind: Daily meditations for Military Service Members and Veterans in Recovery*

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April 2

Reflection for the Day

In almost every instance, the returned slipper says, "I stopped going to meetings," or "I got fed up with the same old stories and the same old faces," or "My outside commitments were such that I had to cut down on meetings," or "I felt I'd received the optimum benefits from the meetings, so I sought further help from more meaningful activities." In short, they simply stopped going to meetings. A saying I've heard in the program hits the nail on the head: "Them which stops going to meetings are not present at meetings to hear about what happens to them that stops going to meetings." Am I going to enough meetings for me?
Today I Pray

Higher Power, keep me on the track of the program. May I never be too tired, too busy, too complacent, too bored to go to meetings. Almost always those complaints are reversed at a meeting if I will just get myself there. My weariness dissipates in serenity. My busyness is reduced to its rightful proportion. My complacency gives way to vigilance again. And how can I be bored in a place where there is so much fellowship and joy?
Today I Will Remember

Attend the meetings.

Today's reading is from the book A Day at a Time: Daily Reflections for Recovering People*

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April 3

The present moment is all we are certain of.

How we lament the past! Why didn't we handle that situation differently? If only we had not given in! We like to think that if we could replay the past, we could do it more successfully, certainly less painfully. But the past is gone. We lived it as honestly and thoughtfully as we knew how at the time.

Anticipating the future seduces us as well. "What will I say if he doesn't come home?" "Should I apologize if she seems mad?" "Will my boss expect me to handle something I am unfamiliar with?" Using the hours we waste worrying about future possibilities, we could finish many of today's projects. And reflection on our lives shows us that most of the things we worried about didn't happen anyway.

Right now, this moment is the only one we can be certain of. Of course, we can also be certain that we have a Higher Power to help us handle whatever emerges in every moment of today.

I will live today moment by moment. I will be prepared for the future when it comes.

Today's reading is from the book A Life of My Own: Meditations on Hope and Acceptance*

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April 4

However briefly, I had known what it was to have my desire returned, and it spoiled me for mere friendship. I wanted more … But he had made up his mind. He was never unkind about it, but he made it clear that the experiment would not be repeated.

~Michael Nava

Others close to us may define themselves in terms different from those we've embraced, or our own desires and timetables may not be in sync with theirs. It's not unusual for someone whose love we crave to be unable to respond to us in kind, or for someone we hoped would join us on our sober path to be unwilling to face an addiction. How are we to deal with such disappointments?

We must allow others the same freedom of choice, the same time for growth and transformation, that we ourselves require. Denying what we've heard someone tell us about herself or himself or blaming or attacking someone whose will conflicts with ours only perpetuates pain. Rather than cultivate disappointment, we can let go of unrealistic expectations. When we've acknowledged and accepted our sense of disappointment and loss, we can move forward. We can become open to the abundance and variety of new experiences about to enter our lives.

Today, I survive disappointment and stay open to new experiences.

Today's reading is from the book Glad Day

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April 5

Using Others to Stop Our Pain

Our happiness is not a present someone else holds in his or her hands. Our well-being is not held by another to be given or withheld at whim. If we reach out and try to force someone to give us what we believe he or she holds, we will be disappointed. We will discover that it is an illusion. The person didn't hold it. He or she never shall. That beautifully wrapped box with the ribbon on it that we believed contained our happiness that someone was holding - it's an illusion!

In those moments when we are trying to reach out and force someone to stop our pain and create our joy, if we can find the courage to stop flailing about and instead stand still and deal with our issues, we will find our happiness.

Yes, it is true that if someone steps on our foot, he or she is hurting us and therefore holds the power to stop our pain by removing his or her foot. But the pain is still ours. And so is the responsibility to tell someone to stop stepping on our feet.

Healing will come when we're aware of how we attempt to use others to stop our pain and create our happiness. We will heal from the past. We will receive insights that can change the course of our relationships.

We will see that, all along, our happiness and our wellbeing have been in our hands. We have held that box. The contents are ours for the opening.

God, help me remember that I hold the key to my own happiness. Give me the courage to stand still and deal with my own feelings. Give me the insights I need to improve my relationships. Help me stop doing the codependent dance and start doing the dance of recovery.

Today's reading is from the book The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency*

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April 6

Love cures people - both the ones who give it, and the ones who receive it.

~Karl Menninger

What do we want out of recovery? Ten people asked usually give ten different answers. Freedom, maturity, relief from pain, experiencing self, and healing the wounded child are just a few of the classic answers. And each one is certainly a valid, compelling reason to keep on going when the work of recovery seems to involve more perspiration than inspiration.

Yet we must not forget that there is one goal of recovery that takes in and transcends all others. This is that we become better able to love and be loved. We can accomplish many things in life, but the history of human experience tells us that, without love, all other rewards are hollow. The more we focus our recovery efforts on becoming more capable of sharing in healthy relationships, the more efficient our recovery efforts will be. Especially for adult children, the fullest experience of love is and will always be the ultimate quest.

I am healing and becoming whole. I have more to bring to a relationship than I used to.

Today's reading is from the book Days of Healing, Days of Joy: Daily Meditations for Adult Children*

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April 7

We need to listen to one another.

~Chaim Potok

Listening is an important skill to cultivate. We need to sit in our healing circles, and lovingly listen and learn from each other. We are each other's teachers. Our sponsors listen to our troubles, and we listen to their suggestions. We pray to our Higher Power and then meditate, a form of listening, from which we develop conscious contact with our Higher Power.

Listening is one of the gifts we give to each other. Listening is also one of the gifts we give to ourselves. As we listen to others and learn from them, we stop thinking we are the center of the universe. Listening to others - to truly hear what they say, to learn from them - helps keep our egos in check. We should frequently ask ourselves, "Am I practicing the skills of active listening?"
Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, today I pray that I may open myself to hearing your voice in the words of others. Allow me to see the people around me as teachers. Help me stay open to being taught.
Today's Action

Today I will listen. I will notice those times when I stop listening and start judging. I will bring myself back into listening mode. Today I will be a learner.

Today's reading is from the book God Grant Me: More Daily Meditations from the Authors of Keep It Simple*

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April 8

The winds and waves are always on the side of the ablest navigators.

~Edward Gibbon

Many people who have been sailing blame the weather for their misfortunes. "If only we’d had good winds." Or "We’d have won the race if we hadn’t been becalmed." Or "I never feel sick, but ..."

So it is with our lives when we are under the sway of our addiction. We blame fate, chance, our genes, the devil, our parents, other people - always looking outside ourselves for some element to account for our defects and our failures.

But the good navigator knows how to read the signs and make the weather work to help the boat and crew. So, too, we can learn to be attentive to our relationships with the outside world, working in harmony with what is around us. The world is not a hostile place; we can come to feel at home here. But first we must learn to live at peace with ourselves.

I know I needn't blame the world for my shortcomings. I am finding a harmony between my desires and reality as I learn to trust my relationship with the world.

Today's reading is from the book Answers in the Heart

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April 9

Act as If …

In the arena of human life the honours and rewards fall to those who show their good qualities in action.

~Aristotle

The only way to get what we need is to "Act as if" we have it. The key word for us is act.

We have discovered that knowledge often follows action rather than vice versa. When we fake it in our early days, we find ourselves making it in later days.

In the beginning, we are asked to "Act as if" we are following instructions, trusting the program, listening to sponsors, and coming to believe. The amazing thing is that soon we were doing those very things.

We were never able to think our way into recovery. Our minds created a tremendous amount of trouble for us. We needed to turn our minds down (not off). We soon discovered the difference between doing and thinking.

The key to "Acting as if" is faith. With faith, the promises will come true for me. The way to faith is through my fears. I turn fears over to my faith and simply "Act as if."

Today's reading is from the book Easy Does It: A Book of Daily Twelve Step Meditations*

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April 10

Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing.

~Albert Schweitzer

Throughout our life we've been influenced by other people's behavior and opinions. Many of us were influenced by very poor examples in earlier years. And we may have to pray for help rather than continuing to follow those poor examples now. But all around us are people who are healthy, loving, and honest. We are invited to emulate their behavior.

"Acting As If" can help us develop new behaviors. We may not feel very comfortable reaching out to a program newcomer or making conversation with someone we've just met, but we can do it. And in time, with practice, we'll discover we’ve added a positive dimension to our character, one that influences the lives of other people who struggle just like us. All of us, "Acting As If" in positive ways, offer wonderful examples of behavior change. We reinforce our own changes, and each other's, every time we are thoughtful before we act.

With my Higher Power's help, I will be a good example for someone today.

Today's reading is from the book In God's Care: Daily Meditations on Spirituality in Recovery*

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April 11

Life does not accommodate you, it shatters you … Every seed destroys its container or else there would be no fruition.

~Florida Scott-Maxwell

We resist change because it shatters our self-perceptions. But if we don't change, our journey's purpose is stunted. As we look back, we can see that change is a constant among our experiences. But we often resist it until the pain is more than we can bear.

It’s curious that we'd expect our lives to stay the same despite what we see: movement, new growth, change. Year by year we note the deeper lines and the lesser energy in our parents, our siblings, ourselves. The trees shed their leaves, the sidewalk cracks widen, the neighbors move away. Change happens. Our purpose will be fulfilled.

Being grateful for change comes only with willingness and the trust that we deserve growth and opportunity. What’s in store for each of us is far greater than what we can imagine for ourselves.

I might not like everything that happens today, but each experience will offer me an opportunity to change.

Today's reading is from the book A Woman's Spirit: More meditations for Women*

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April 12

How many cares one loses when one decides not to be something, but to be someone.

~Coco Chanel

Why are we working so hard? What are we striving toward? Do we want to achieve some important accomplishment, or do we want to be someone we respect? Naturally we don't have just one aim. We have many goals and hopes, but what are the most important ones? When we focus on becoming the best kind of person we know how to be, we leave behind all our anxieties about how well we can perform.

We still need to accomplish tasks and do our work, but the important thing now is the kind of person we are while we are doing them. Are we honest? Are we considerate of others? Is our heart open to the world? Do we take responsibility for our actions? When we fulfill the personal qualities that we admire, we can allow ourselves some slack for mistakes and imperfection in our achievements.

Today, I am grateful that I am becoming someone I respect.

Today's reading is from the book Stepping Stones: More Daily Meditations for Men*

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April 13

AA Thought for the Day

This sober world is a pleasant place for an alcoholic to live in. Once you've gotten out of your alcoholic fog, you find that the world looks good. You find real friends in AA. You get a job. You feel good in the morning. You eat a good breakfast and you do a good day's work at home or outside. And your family loves you and welcomes you because you're sober. Am I convinced that this sober world is a pleasant place for an alcoholic to live in?
Meditation for the Day

Our need is God's opportunity. First we must recognize our need. Often this means helplessness before some weakness or sickness and an admission of our need for help. Next comes faith in the power of God's spirit, available to us to meet that need. Before any need can be met, our faith must find expression. That expression of faith is all God needs to manifest His power in our lives. Faith is the key that unlocks the storehouse of God's resources.
Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may first admit my needs. I pray that then I may have faith that God will meet those needs, in the way which is best for me.

Today's reading is from the book Twenty-Four Hours a Day: A Spiritual Resource with Practical Applications for Daily Life*

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April 14

l have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

~William Butler Yeats

When we hold a piece of crystal to the light, it paints rainbows on the wall. When we tap it lightly with a spoon, it sings like a bell. But when we drop it, it shatters in colorless, silent pieces on the floor.

Human beings, sometimes to our amazement, can be as fragile as glass. It's especially easy to forget what makes people we live with or have known for a long time shine or sing. We take for granted the very qualities that made us love them in the first place.

When we forget how to see and hear the people we love, how to appreciate them, we grow careless. Too often, from sheer neglect, the relationship between us grows dull and silent, then slips, falls, and shatters. Paying attention to other people's needs and feelings can prevent this.

Whose presence can I appreciate today?

Today's reading is from the book Today's Gift: Daily Meditations for Families*

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April 15

Don't allow your pride to stop you from positioning yourself in a circle where you are the least successful one. There is no denial that you could learn some valuable things from people who are more successful than you, that could take you to a much higher level in life.

~Edmond Mbiaka

We often hear "stick with the winners." Not everyone in Twelve Step meetings is there for recovery, but many members follow a Twelve Step way of living. We need to find those people. This is really true when it comes to finding a sponsor.

Look for a sponsor who gets good things from the program. Why pick a sponsor who isn't happy in the program? Recovery is hard work. You deserve the best. Find the best sponsor you can. Remember, ours is a selfish program. We’re fighting for our lives.
Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, help me find the best in my program. Help me find a good sponsor, so we can get as much from each other and this program as we can.
Action for the Day

Today I’ll think about what it means to have a good sponsor.

Today's reading is from the book Keep it Simple: Daily Meditations for Twelve Step Beginnings and Renewal*