LOOKING FOR A SPONSOR

[MajestyJo]

What to look for in a sponsor

Choosing a sponsor is like choosing your best friend. Sometimes it just happens and sometimes it's planned, but there is always something about the other person that attracts us to them. Picking a sponsor can seem scary and intimidating at first. It is our hope that these suggestions may ease this process a bit for you.

Some recovery groups have a list of available members who have volunteered to help the newcomer as "Temporary Sponsors". Temporary Sponsors can ease our transition in a number of ways, they can answer questions, explain the concepts of the program and terms, saying and other essential items in such a way that helps us to understand. Some "temp sponsors" become primary sponsors, but many are replaced by someone else in time.

The best advice that was shared to us when we were looking for a sponsor was to attend 90 meeting in 90 days. This has a two fold affect, the first is it will show you are serious about the program, the second it will allow you 90 days to meet and greet those in the group with you. While attending the meetings listen to the person sharing. Hear and see what they have to offer.

As you make friends in the group, ask them who they think would be best for you often times we can't see ourselves clearly but those whom we meet can and can best guide us to the best sponsors.


Some factors to consider in choosing a sponsor

They have what you want.
They live the solution not the problem.
Walks the Talk in all his/her affairs.
Has a sponsor themselves.
Emphasizes the steps and traditions of the program.
Has more time in recovery than we do.
Has worked more steps than we have.
Is available for telephone calls and personal meetings.
Emphasized the spiritual aspect of the program.
and lastly IS THE SAME GENDER TYPE as you.

[MajestyJo]

Twelve Qualities of Sponsorship

1. I will not help you to stay and wallow in limbo.

2. I will help you to grow, to become more productive, by your definition.

3. I will help you become more autonomous, more loving of yourself, more excited, less sensitive, more free to become the authority for your own living.

4. I can not give you dreams or "fix you up" simply because I can not.

5. I can not give you growth, or grow for you. You must grow for yourself by facing reality, grim as it may be at times.

6. I can not take away your loneliness or your pain.

7. I can not sense your world for you, evaluate your goals for you, tell you what is best for your world; because you have your own world in which you must live.

8. I can not convince you of the necessity to make the vital decision of choosing the frightening uncertainty of growing over the safe misery of remaining static.

9. I want to be with you and know you as a rich and growing friend; yet I can not get close to you when you choose not to grow.

10. When I begin to care for you out of pity or when I begin to lose faith in you, then I am inhibiting both for you and for me.

11. You must know and understand my help is conditional. I will be with you and "hang in there" with you so long as I continue to get even the slightest hint that you are still trying to grow.

12. If you can accept this, then perhaps we can help each other to become what God meant us to be, mature adults, leaving childishness forever to the little children of the world

They say your sponsor should not be a close friend, that there should be an objectivity there so she can see what is there, not what she or you see what you want to see. Sponsorship for me was often a two way street.

Some people need TLC, allowed time to heal. Others need tough love, so they can't since into depression and they need the Good Orderly Direction, because they just don't know. You can't know what you have never been taught.

[MajestyJo]

One day when I was out, I met three people I knew. I look on these people as guardian angels or spiritual connections, especially when I am going through emotions or situations that are stressful in the moment and it is an indicator that my God is with me. A gentle reminder that I am not alone.

I don't have any sponsees any more because of my health. I don't feel that I can give them what they need. I can't always be there for them and it is important for me to be on call. I will always lend an ear but not able to sit down with someone and work the Steps with them and go to meetings which is important to me as a sponsor.

Sponsorship is a real gift. It helps the sponsor as much as it helps the sponsee.

At the moment, I don't have an active sponsor. I need to get out to meetings and connect with more people as my support group has moved or is moving away. My AA sponsor didn't physically move but mentally and emotionally detached and is dealing with her own issues. I have called her a couple of times in the last month. I don't need one as much as I did at the beginning, but sharing with others is important. That is why I am so grateful for the message boards online, I don't do chat rooms.

I need someone who is open and honest. Someone who will call me on my stuff and yet do it in a manner that I know she cares. With my fibromyalgia, I get what is called the Fibro Fog and I seem to get lost, lose concentration and mentally detach from the moment. I use to think it was just old age and I was getting senile. When you share with another, someone who has been there, you know you are not alone.

Written in 2009

Called my sponsor yesterday. she had been away, so I was glad that she was home. My service sponsor said to me, "I don't care who your God is as long as it isn't you.