Slip and Human Nature

[MajestyJo]

Slips and Human Nature

by: William Duncan Silkworth, M.D.
{ the little doc who loved drunks }
author of "The Doctors Opinion"

The mystery of slips is not so deep as it may appear. While it does seem odd that an alcoholic, who has restored himself to a dignified place among his fellowmen and continues dry for years, should suddenly throw all his happiness overboard and find himself again in mortal peril of drowning in liquor, often the reason is simple.

People are inclined to say, "there is something peculiar about alcoholics. They seem to be well, yet at any moment they may turn back to their old ways. You can never be sure."

This is largely twaddle. The alcoholic is a sick person. Under the technique of Alcoholics Anonymous he gets well - that is to say, his disease is arrested. There is nothing unpredictable about him any more than there is anything weird about a person who has arrested diabetes.

Let's get it clear, once and for all, that alcoholics are human beings. Then we can safeguard ourselves intelligently against most slips.

In both professional and lay circles, there is a tendency to label everything that an alcoholic may do as "alcoholic behavior." The truth is, it is simple human nature.

It is very wrong to consider any of the personality traits observed in liquor addicts as peculiar to the alcoholic. Emotional and mental quirks are classified as symptoms of alcoholism merely because alcoholics have them, yet those same quirks can be found among non-alcoholics too. Actually they are symptoms of mankind!

Of course, the alcoholic himself tends to think of himself as different, somebody special, with unique tendencies and reactions. Many psychiatrists, doctors, and therapists carry the same idea to extremes in their analyses and treatment of alcoholics.

Sometimes they make a complicated mystery of a condition which is found in all human beings, whether they drink whiskey or buttermilk.

To be sure, alcoholism, like every other disease, does manifest itself in some unique ways. It does have a number of baffling peculiarities which differ from those of all other diseases.

At the same time, any of the symptoms and much of the behavior of alcoholism are closely paralleled and even duplicated in other diseases.

The slip is a relapse! It is a relapse that occurs after the alcoholic has stopped drinking and started on the A.A. program of recovery. Slips usually occur in the early states of the alcoholic's A.A. indoctrination, before he has had time to learn enough of the A.A. techniques and A.A. philosophy to give him a solid footing. But slips may also occur after an alcoholic has been a member of A.A. for many months or even several years, and it is in this kind, above all, that often finds a marked similarity between the alcoholic's behavior and that of "normal" victims of other diseases.

No one is startled by the fact that relapses are not uncommon among arrested tubercular patients. But here is a startling fact - the cause is often the same as the cause which leads to slips for the alcoholic.

It happens this way: When a tubercular patient recovers sufficiently to be released from the sanitarium, the doctor gives him careful instructions for the way he is to live when he gets home. He must drink plenty of milk. He must refrain from smoking. He must obey other stringent rules.

For the first several months, perhaps for several years, the patient follows directions. But as his strength increases and he feels fully recovered, he becomes slack. There may come the night when he decides he can stay up until ten o'clock. When he does this, nothing untoward happens. Soon he is disregarding the directions given him when he left the sanitarium. Eventually he has a relapse.

The same tragedy can be found in cardiac cases. After the heart attack, the patient is put on a strict rests schedule. Frightened, he naturally follows directions obediently for a long time. He, too, goes to bed early, avoids exercise such as walking upstairs, quits smoking, and leads a Spartan life. Eventually, though there comes a day, after he has been feeling good for months or several years, when he feels he has regained his strength, and has also recovered from his fright. If the elevator is out of repair one day, he walks up the three flights of stairs. Or he decides to go to a party - or do just a little smoking - or take a thingytail or two. If no serious aftereffects follow the first departure from the rigorous schedule prescribed, he may try it again, until he suffers a relapse.

In both cardiac and tubercular cases, the acts which led to the relapses were preceded by wrong thinking. The patient in each case rationalized himself out of a sense of his own perilous reality. He deliberately turned away from his knowledge of the fact that he had been the victim of a serious disease. He grew overconfident. He decided he didn't have to follow directions.

Now that is precisely what happens with the alcoholic - the arrested alcoholic, or the alcoholic in A.A. who has a slip. Obviously, he decides to take a drink again some time before he actually takes it. He starts thinking wrong before he actually embarks on the course that leads to a slip.

There is no reason to charge the slip to alcoholic behavior or a second heart attack to cardiac behavior. The alcoholic slip is not a symptom of a psychotic condition. There's nothing screwy about it at all. The patient simply didn't follow directions.

For the alcoholic, A.A. offers the directions. A vital factor, or ingredient of the preventive, especially for the alcoholic, is sustained emotion. The alcoholic who learns some of the techniques or the mechanics of A.A. but misses the philosophy or the spirit may get tired off following directions - not because he is alcoholic, but because he is human. Rules and regulations irk almost anyone, because they are restraining, prohibitive, negative. The philosophy of A.A. however, is positive and provides ample sustained emotion - a sustained desire to follow directions voluntarily.

In any event, the psychology of the alcoholic is not as different as some people try to make it. The disease has certain physical differences, yes, and the alcoholic has problems peculiar to him, perhaps, in that he has been put on the defensive and consequently has developed frustrations. But in many instances, there is no more reason to be talking about "the alcoholic mind" than there is to try to describe something called "the cardiac mind" or the "TB mind."

I think we'll help the alcoholic more if we can first recognize that he is primarily a human being - afflicted with human nature.

Originally posted @ 12steprecovery no longer available.

Slip = Sobriety Loses It's Priority.

I can slip mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, before I pick up physically.

[MajestyJo]

The normal thing for an alcoholic or addict to do is use. The miracle of God is that we have a daily reprieve and we can heal, and not use one day at a time.

Love is a force. It is not a result; it is a cause. It is not a product; it produces. It is a power, like money, or steam or electricity. It is valueless unless you can give something else by means of it.

—Anne Morrow Lindbergh

For so long, I stayed in my denial. I didn't have a problem. It was the fault of those around me. Many prayed, and yet I told them to pray more quietly because every time I heard them, I rebelled, and continued on my way, never accepting the help that was offered.

When I block out things, I isolate my soul and it gets isolated and not fed the spiritual food it needs.

So glad that people continued to pray for me.

[Honesty]

How do I handle this situation? My boyfriend 2 years ago was in active addiction, had nothing, no job, no money, no place to live, nothing... As a friend of 16 years I took him in and helped him get off drugs and get his life back in order. Now we are together as a couple and he is working two jobs. One as a manager for McDonald's and the other part time at staples. He has been doing very well except the fact that once every so often , while I'm at work he will sneak off and go get high and then lie to me about it or deny it. I know the truth though because I've caught him or he'll turn his phone off and won't come home til 4am. In the past 2 years this has happened 4 times give or take. It's really frustrating to me and I feel like I can't trust him now. I'm always questioning him if he goes somewhere and I try to keep him from certain people cause I want him to stay sober and make this work. I feel I shouldn't have to live on edge like this but I don't know what to do to fix this problem. I really don't want to leave him because he really is a good man, his good definitely out weighs his bad in many ways and I love him so much, plus we have 16 years of friendship behind us too and I feel like if I leave him I'm turning my back on my best friend. Please help and Tel me what can I do to make it better? I need serious advice!

[MajestyJo]

Answered your other post. We can't help someone unless they are willing to get help. They will only use us to get what they need so they can continue to use. We ten to put a pillow under their bottom, so they don't hit hard when they fall, they can always come home to us, you told the story of my son.

All I could do was pray for them. He got so bad, I had to kick him out and he had to go to the mission, I just couldn't have him in my home. I love him dearly, he is my son, but I didn't have to put up with his abuse. Not physical, but mental and emotional, and although he wouldn't realize it, spiritually too, it is the not caring that really hurts.



Al-Anon helps heals all those hurts. I am a recovering alcoholic and addict (prescription pills), have an on going eating disorder that I apply the 12 Steps to, along with my chronic pain. Just for today, I choose not to use. I am an adult child of an alcoholic and I found out I was codependent. The 12 Steps are applicable to all areas of my life. They take the focus off the people in my life, and put it on myself, and helps me to live my own life and let them live their own.

The thing I find that works is prayer. Put them in their God's Hands. It is not my job to play God and I needed to let go and let God.

[Honesty]

You are so right, I'm a recovering addict myself "crack cocaine" I've been clean 3 years now , and I'm so grateful. I just signed up for couples counseling to see if it helps, I'm willing to do whatever it will take before I give up so at least I know I tried everything possible. I will try al-anon as well. Thank you For putting it so well said, it definitely opened my eyes.