LANGUAGE OF LETTING GO - AUGUST 2014

[MajestyJo]

Thursday, August 14, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Owning Our Power

Many of us have someone in our life that challenges our ability to trust and care for ourselves.

When we hear that person's voice or are in his or her presence, we may forget all we know about what is real, about how to own our power, about how to be direct, about what we know and believe to be true, about how important we are.

We give up our power to that person. The child in us gets hooked with a mixture of powerful feelings - love, fear, or anger. We may feel trapped, helpless, or so attracted that we can't think straight. There may be a powerful tug of war going between feelings of anger and our need to be loved and accepted, or between our head and our heart.

We may be so enamored or intimidated that we revert to our belief that we can't react or respond to this person any differently.

We get hooked.

We don't have to stay under a spell.

We start by becoming aware of the people who hook us, and then accepting that.

We can force ourselves through the motions of reacting differently to that person, even if that new reaction is awkward and uncomfortable.

Search out our motivations. Are we somehow trying to control or influence the other person? We cannot change the other person, but we can stop playing our part of the game. One good way to do this is by detaching and letting go of any need to control.

The next step is learning to own our power to take care of ourselves, to be who we are free from their influence. We can learn to own our power with difficult people. It may not happen overnight, but we can begin, today, to change our self-defeating reactions to the people who have hooked us.

God, help me identify the relationships where I have forfeited my power. Help me unhook and begin owning my power.

Didn't know I had the Power. I didn't know how to get it. I had to identify those hooks and learn how to remove them. It all lead to building a relationship with my Higher Power.

[MajestyJo]

Friday, August 15, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Leaving Room for Feelings

We need to allow enough room for others and ourselves to have and work through our feelings.

We are people, not robots. An important part of us - who we are, how we grow, how we live - is connected to our emotional center. We have feelings, sometimes - difficult ones, sometimes disruptive ones, and sometimes explosive ones that need to be worked through.

By facing and working through these feelings we and others grow. In relationships, whether it is a love relationship, a friendship, a family relationship, or a close business relationship, people need room to have and work through their feelings.

Some call it "going through the process."

It is unreasonable to expect ourselves or others to not need time and room to work through feelings. We will be setting ourselves and our relationships up for failure if we do not allow this time and room in our life.

We need time to work through feelings. We need the space and permission to work through these feelings in the awkward, uncomfortable, sometimes messy way that people work through feelings.

This is life. This is growth. This is okay.

We can allow room for feelings. We can let people have time and permission to go through their feelings. We do not have to keep others or ourselves under such a tight rein. While we work through our feelings we do not have to expend unnecessary energy reacting to each feeling others or we have. We don't have to take all our feelings, and others' feelings, so seriously while others or we are in the process of working through them.

Let the feelings flow and trust where the flow is taking you.

I can set reasonable boundaries for behavior, and still leave room for a range of emotions.

Knew when I saw the title, that I was going to like it and needed to read it.

When I came into recovery, I knew I had something, wasn't sure it was a feeling, and I sure didn't know what to call them. How can you label something and process it if you haven't allowed yourself to feel and stuffed them with alcohol, street and prescription drugs, food, relationships, shopping, gambling, work, church and service, anything to take us out of ourselves because we didn't like where we were at.

My solution was pick up a book and I had to learn to examine my motive and intent. I would turn on music and the TV, and again was it for my entertainment, something for my Higher Good and well being, even if it was for fun, it was, again a question of am I fearful of being alone with myself and am I unwilling to dealing with my issues at hand or my feelings that seem to overwhelm me, instead of being still and taking time with my God, to remove the fear and allow faith to come in; then I can watch TV or read a book.

[MajestyJo]

Saturday, August 16, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Rescuing Ourselves

No one likes a martyr.

How do we feel around martyrs? Guilty, angry, trapped, negative, and anxious to get away.

Somehow, many of us have developed the belief that depriving ourselves, not taking care of ourselves, being a victim, and suffering needlessly will get us what we want.

It is our job to notice our abilities, our strengths, and take care of ourselves by developing and acting on them.

It is our job to notice our pain and weariness and appropriately take care of ourselves.

It is our job to notice our deprivation, too, and begin to take steps to give ourselves abundance. It begins inside of us, by changing what we believe we deserve, by giving up our deprivation and treating ourselves the way we deserve to be treated.

Life is hard, but we don't have to make it more difficult by neglecting ourselves. There is no glory in suffering, only suffering. Our pain will not stop when a rescuer comes, but when we take responsibility for ourselves and stop our own pain.

Today, I will be my own rescuer. I will stop waiting for someone else to work through my issues and solve my problems for me.

Just knew one of the reading would speak to me and tell me to get honest. I bought brownies today. I recognize it as a fear thing. Every Friday night on pay day, my son goes out and spends mega bucks for alcohol and drugs. Each weekend if this is the time he will go to jail, overdose, and or be killed. He told me he had more than usual money this pay, so I realize that the brownies were a start of stuffing my feelings and not allowing my faith to bring me peace. All I can do is pray for him. I put him in God's Hands many years ago.

After having a piece of anniversary cake I told myself I shouldn't have a brownie. I found my self eating one and a song came on my digital music station on my TV, "Another nail in my coffin." Perhaps I should quit listening to these old boozing classics that say poor, poor me, pour me another one. That chocolate is a nail in my coffin, and I will find that Metformin is not going to be enough and I am going to find myself on Insulin.

http://www.metrolyrics.com/drivin-na...-thompson.html

I heard the phrase tonight that reminded me of how I felt when I came into recovery. It was, "Stop the world I want to get off." and I have been finding myself in an uncaring about myself, and thinking, "What the Heck!"

Very grateful for the awareness, thankful that my God and I can work on this and I don't have to continue using food to escape reality. It doesn't matter what substance I choose to use, substitution doesn't work and it all leads to the same soul sickness. I can't say, "Well I didn't pick up a drink or a drug." Food is a drug! I am powerless over people, places, and things. Thanks for letting me share.

[MajestyJo]

Sunday, August 17, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Healing Thoughts

Think healing thoughts.

When you feel anger or resentment, ask God to help you feel it, learn from it, and then release it. Ask Him to bless those who you feel anger toward. Ask Him to bless you too.

When you feel fear, ask Him to take it from you. When you feel misery, force gratitude. When you feel deprived, know that there is enough.

When you feel ashamed, reassure yourself that who you are is okay. You are good enough.

When you doubt your timing or your present position in life, assure yourself that all is well; you are right where you're meant to be. Reassure yourself that others are too.

When you ponder the future, tell yourself that it will be good. When you look back at the past, relinquish regrets.

When you notice problems, affirm there will be a timely solution and a gift from the problem.

When you resist feelings or thoughts, practice acceptance. When you feel discomfort, know it will pass. When you identify a want or a need, tell yourself it will be met.

When you worry about those you love, ask God to protect and care for them. When you worry about yourself, ask Him to do the same.

When you think about others, think love. When you think about yourself, think love.

Then watch your thoughts transform reality.

Today, I will think healing thoughts.

Firmly a thought is a prayer. Be careful what you give out, it will come back to you. Be careful for what you ask for, it may be returned in kind.

It is so true, "This to shall pass," the good times and the not so good times.

[MajestyJo]

Sunday, August 17, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Healing Thoughts

Think healing thoughts.

When you feel anger or resentment, ask God to help you feel it, learn from it, and then release it. Ask Him to bless those who you feel anger toward. Ask Him to bless you too.

When you feel fear, ask Him to take it from you. When you feel misery, force gratitude. When you feel deprived, know that there is enough.

When you feel ashamed, reassure yourself that who you are is okay. You are good enough.

When you doubt your timing or your present position in life, assure yourself that all is well; you are right where you're meant to be. Reassure yourself that others are too.

When you ponder the future, tell yourself that it will be good. When you look back at the past, relinquish regrets.

When you notice problems, affirm there will be a timely solution and a gift from the problem.

When you resist feelings or thoughts, practice acceptance. When you feel discomfort, know it will pass. When you identify a want or a need, tell yourself it will be met.

When you worry about those you love, ask God to protect and care for them. When you worry about yourself, ask Him to do the same.

When you think about others, think love. When you think about yourself, think love.

Then watch your thoughts transform reality.

Today, I will think healing thoughts.

Firmly a thought is a prayer. Be careful what you give out, it will come back to you. Be careful for what you ask for, it may be returned in kind.

It is so true, "This to shall pass," the good times and the not so good times.

Healing thought may be sent your way, it is up to you as to whether you choose to accept them.

[MajestyJo]

Monday, August 18, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Valuing this Moment

Detachment involves present moment living - living in the here and now. We allow life to happen instead of forcing and trying to control it. We relinquish regrets over the past and fears about the future. We make the most of each day.
—Codependent No More

This moment, we are right where we need to be, right where we are meant to be.

How often we waste our time and energy wishing we were someone else, were doing something else, or were someplace else. We may wish our present circumstances were different.

We needlessly confuse ourselves and divert our energy by thinking that our present moment is a mistake. But we are right where we need to be for now. Our feelings, thoughts, circumstances, challenges, and tasks - all of it is on schedule.

We spoil the beauty of the present moment by wishing for something else.

Come back home to yourself. Come back home to the present moment. We will not change things by escaping or leaving the moment. We will change things by surrendering to and accepting the moment.

Some moments are easier to accept than others.

As the slogan says, "This too shall pass." That means the good and not so good, so enjoy the moment when it is here, it may not pass again. If it does come back, it may be in a different format or another reality, and things just don't seem the same.

As it says, "We don't always find it easy to accept, but we don't have to like it, we just need to accept, it is the key to willingness and moving on with our life.

[MajestyJo]

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Letting Go of Shame

Shame is that dark, powerful feeling that holds us back. Yes, shame can stop us from acting inappropriately. But many of us have learned to attach shame to healthy behaviors that are in our best interest.

In dysfunctional families, shame can be tagged to healthy behaviors such as talking about feelings, making choices, taking care of ourselves, having fun, being successful, or even feeling good about ourselves.

Shame may have been attached to asking for what we want and need, to communicating directly and honestly, and to giving and receiving love.

Sometimes shame disguises itself as fear, rage, indifference, or a need to run and hide, wrote Stephanie E. But if it feels dark and makes us feel bad about being who we are, it's probably shame.

In recovery, we are learning to identify shame. When we can recognize it, we can begin to let go of it. We can love and accept ourselves - starting now.

We have a right to be, to be here, and to be who we are. And we don't ever have to let shame tell us any differently.

Today, I will attack and conquer the shame in my life.

It was important for me to remember I was acting out in my dis-ease. Many times I was embarrassed for others, most times because I was fearful of them bringing shame to me and my life.

I have always had a false sense of responsibility, and I took on what was not mine, and I would be shamed because I couldn't cope. If I try to take on the job of three people, and can't cope and I pop pills, eat, and/or escape using other things, which can be simple things at the beginning, but it gets to where it over takes our life and everything else is second nature in my life.

Pray has always worked for me. Sometimes it is continuous prayer, because the old can sometimes come back and become the new.

[MajestyJo]

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Honesty in Relationships

We can be honest and direct about our boundaries in relationships and about the parameters of a particular relationship.

Perhaps no area of our life reflects our uniqueness and individuality in recovery more than our relationships. Some of us are in a committed relationship. Some of us are dating. Some of us are not dating. Some of us are living with someone. Some of us wish we were dating. Some of us wish we were in a committed relationship. Some of us get into new relationships after recovery. Some of us stay in the relationship we were in before we began recovering.

We have other relationships too. We have friendships. Relationships with children, with parents, with extended family. We have professional relationships - relationships with people on the job.

We need to be able to be honest and direct in our relationships. One area we can be honest and direct about is the parameters of our relationships. We can define our relationships to people, an idea written about by Charlotte Kasl and others, and we can ask them to be honest and direct about defining their vision of the relationship with us.

It is confusing to be in relationships and not know where we stand - whether this is on the job, in a friendship, with family members, or in a love relationship. We have a right to be direct about how we define the relationship - what we want it to be. But relationships equal two people who have equal rights. The other person needs to be able to define the relationship too. We have a right to know, and ask. So do they.

Honesty is the best policy.

We can set boundaries. If someone wants a more intense relationship than we do, we can be clear and honest about what we want, about our intended level of participation. We can tell the person what to reasonably expect from us, because that is what we want to give. How the person deals with that is his or her issue. Whether or not we tell the person is ours.

We can set boundaries and define friendships when those cause confusion.

We can even define relationships with children, if those relationships have gotten sticky and exceeded our parameters. We need to define love relationships and what that means to each person. We have a right to ask and receive clear answers. We have a right to make our own definitions and have our own expectations. So does the other person.

Honesty and directness is the only policy. Sometimes we don't know what we want in a relationship. Sometimes the other person doesn't know. But the sooner we can define a relationship, with the other person's help, the sooner we can decide on an appropriate course of conduct for ourselves.

The clearer we can become on defining relationships, the more we can take care of ourselves in that relationship. We have a right to our boundaries, wants, and needs. So does the other person. We cannot force someone to be in a relationship or to participate at a level we desire if he or she does not want to. All of us have a right not to be forced.

Information is a powerful tool, and having the information about what a particular relationship is - the boundaries and definitions of it - will empower us to take care of ourselves in it.

Relationships take a while to form, but at some point we can reasonably expect a clear definition of what that relationship is and what the boundaries of it are. If the definitions clash, we are free to make a new decision based on appropriate information about what we need to do to take care of ourselves.

Today, I will strive for clarity and directness in my relationships. If I now have some relationships that are murky and ill defined, and if I have given them adequate time to form, I will begin to take action to define that relationship. God, help me let go of my fears about defining and understanding the nature of my present relationships. Guide me into clarity - clear, healthy thinking. Help me know that what I want is okay. Help me know that if I can't get that from the other person, what I want is still okay, but not possible at the present time. Help me learn to not forego what I want and need, but empower me to make appropriate, healthy choices about where to get that.

There was no communication in my marriages unless it was to tell me to shut up, my opinion didn't matter or wasn't asked for.

You can't communicate and have a relationship if you are talking to a brick wall, so I just had to let go, and not take on his/her stuff. I had to learn to take my Q-Tip with me everywhere I went, I had to quit taking it personally.

[MajestyJo]

Thursday, August 21, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Detaching in Relationships

When we first become exposed to the concept of detachment, many of us find it objectionable and questionable. We may think that detaching means we don't care. We may believe that by controlling, worrying, and trying to force things to happen, we're showing how much we care.

We may believe that controlling, worrying, and forcing will somehow affect the outcome we desire. Controlling, worrying, and forcing don't work. Even when we're right, controlling doesn't work. In some cases, controlling may prevent the outcome we want from happening.

As we practice the principle of detachment with the people in our life, we slowly begin to learn the truth. Detaching, preferably detaching with love, is a relationship behavior that works.

We learn something else too. Detachment - letting go of our need to control people - enhances all our relationships. It opens the door to the best possible outcome. It reduces our frustration level, and frees us and others to live in peace and harmony.

Detachment means we care, about others and ourselves. It frees us to make the best possible decisions. It enables us to set the boundaries we need to set with people. It allows us to have our feelings, to stop reacting and initiate a positive course of action. It encourages others to do the same.

It allows our Higher Power to step in and work.

Today, I will trust the process of detaching with love. I will understand that I am not just letting go; I am letting go and letting God. I'm loving others, but I'm loving myself too.

This is what I have to do with my relationship with my son. I love him but sure don't love or like his actions. I can't change him, all I can do is pray for him.

[MajestyJo]

Friday, August 22, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Responsibility for Family Members

I can still remember my mother clutching her heart, threatening to have a heart attack and die, and blaming it on me.
—Anonymous

For some of us, the idea that we were responsible for other people's feelings had its roots in childhood and was established by members of our nuclear family. We may have been told that we made our mother or father miserable, leading directly to the idea that we were also responsible for making them happy. The idea that we are responsible for our parents' happiness or misery can instill exaggerated feelings of power and guilt in us.

We do not have this kind of power over our parents - over their feelings, or over the course of their lives. We do not have to allow them to have this kind of power over us.

Our parents did the best they could. But we still do not have to accept one belief from them that is not a healthy belief. They may be our parents, but they are not always right. They may be our parents, but their beliefs and behaviors are not always healthy and in our best interest.

We are free to examine and choose our beliefs.

Let go of guilt. Let go of excessive and inappropriate feelings of responsibility toward parents and other family members. We do not have to allow their destructive beliefs to control our feelings, our behaviors, our life, or us.

Today, I will begin the process of setting myself free from any self-defeating beliefs my parents passed on to me. I will strive for appropriate ideas and boundaries concerning how much power and how much responsibility I can actually have in my relationship with my parents.

A good one and one that took me a long time to learn. Everything was followed with a "Yeah but...."

Those old tapes are killers. I even found God to be an old tape, I had to go on a Spiritual Quest to see who and what my God meant to me and build a new relationship with Him daily. I didn't lose my long-time beliefs, I just learned more and that God was much bigger than any pre-conceived idea that I ever had.

It is like the old saying, "Just because you sat in a pew, sang in the choir, taught Sunday School, and much more, doing service in the church is good, but it doesn't do you any good unless you are a believer and not just reading the words or saying them from memory, to my way of thinking it comes from the heart and a place of Love.

Maybe because I rebelled for so many years, especially about the rules and regulations of the church, that when I came into recovery I had to change my attitude and my perspective to include them. I used my Bible for my first year of recovery and found out that I needed more, if I wanted to stay clean and sober and let go of old habits, behaviours and ways of thinking.

My God is as He reveals Himself in today. My God utilizes people, places, and things to show me a better way of living. He also shows me people, places and things that are harmful to my sobriety. That doesn't mean they are wrong, it just means it is not right for me. It doesn't mean that won't change, but for the most part, I have been there, done it, and wore the T-Shirt (seem to have collected a lot of them), especially with family and friends.

Both my parents passed young, especially my mom who died at 40 because of her food addiction. They are no longer here, but thanks to the program, I understand where they both were coming from.

[MajestyJo]

Saturday, August 23, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Self Care

When will we become lovable? When will we feel safe? When will we get all the protection, nurturing, and love we so richly deserve? We will get it when we begin giving it to ourselves.
—Beyond Codependency

The idea of giving ourselves what we want and need can be confusing, especially if we have spent many years not knowing that it's okay to take care of ourselves. Taking our energy and focus off others and their responsibilities and placing that energy on to our responsibilities and ourselves is a recovery behavior that can be acquired. We learn it by daily practice.

We begin by relaxing, by breathing deeply, and letting go of our fears enough to feel as peaceful as we can. Then, we ask ourselves: What do I need to do to take care of myself today, or for this moment?

What do I need and want to do?

What would demonstrate love and self-responsibility?

Am I caught up in the belief that others are responsible for making me happy, responsible for me? Then the first thing I need to do is correct my belief system. I am responsible for myself.

Do I feel anxious and concerned about a responsibility I've been neglecting? Then perhaps I need to let go of my fears and tend to that responsibility.

Do I feel overwhelmed, out of control? Maybe I need to journey back to the first of the Twelve Steps.

Have I been working too hard? Maybe what I need to do is take some time off and do something fun.

Have I been neglecting my work on daily tasks? Then maybe what I need to do is get back to my routine.

There is no recipe, no formula, no guidebook for self care. We each have a guide, and that guide is within us. We need to ask the question: What do I need to do to take loving, responsible care of myself? Then, we need to listen to the answer. Self-care is not that difficult. The most challenging part is trusting the answer, and having the courage to follow through once we hear it.

Today, I will focus on taking care of myself. I will trust myself and my Higher Power to guide me in this process.

This is a little of what I have been sharing and looking at new ways to practice self care. I was told that you give to others, you give to yourself.

My friend and I were sharing about this, how people go away to detach from the chaos around them. My first sponsor told me that I could do the same. Don't answer the phone, don't answer the door. Don't do things that you don't like and nurture yourself. When I tried, I found out that I was spoiling myself rotten, so again, like all things, it is about balance.

[MajestyJo]

Sunday, August 24, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Step Eight

Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
—Step Eight of Al-Anon

The Eighth Step is not meant to punish us; it is meant to set us free from guilt, anxiety, and discord.

We begin by making a list of everyone we have harmed on our journey, as we have struggled to survive. We have probably done more damage to ourselves than to anyone else, so we put ourselves first on the list.

Often, our tendency is to feel guilty about everything we've ever done, everyone we've come in contract with. That is unearned guilt. Writing helps us clarify whether or not we are punishing ourselves for no reason. But we need to be open to guidance as we work this Step, getting everything out of us and on to paper, so we can be healed.

Once we have made the list, we strive to become willing to make amends to everyone on it because that is how we heal. Making amends does not mean feeling guilty and ashamed and punishing ourselves; it means swallowing our pride and defenses, and doing what we can to take care of ourselves. We become ready to improve our self-esteem by taking responsibility for our behaviors. We become willing to have our relationships with ourselves, others, and our Higher Power restored.

Today, I will open myself to an honest understanding of the people I have harmed. God, help me let go of my defenses and pride. Help me become willing to make amends to those I have harmed, so that I can improve my relationships with others and myself.

There is so much fear around Step Eight because they are thinking Step Nine and having to make the amend.

It takes a lot of self-honesty to do a complete Step 8. We often don't realize how much we have hurt the people around us, we think we are hurting only ourselves.

This is especially not true because we are generally numbed out and not aware how hurtful we can be in active addiction, let alone the person we have become as a result of our disease.

It is about healing and become a new person. Sometimes it is going back to what we were before, but if we didn't have a God back then, then I found it to become a new being who walk with my God.

Amend isn't about saying I am sorry. It isn't about I am sorry, I will try not to do it again. It is about changing so we won't even think of doing it again, then apologize for the person that was and asking for forgiveness to the person who is in today.

I used people, places and things, and in today, I try to the best of my ability not to do that.

I make a list and get honest. Not all the people on the list will require an amend. As it says in AA, "Except when to do so, will harm others and ourselves." Many people have passed on and not a part of my life. I say a prayer for them and if I should cross their path, then I will make that amend. I don't have the money and the transportation to search for them, even if I knew where they are, I just know that God will put them in my path if the need is there. It has happened that way for me.

Some people have passed on, including my parents and I wrote in my journal about them and sent them a letter. My aunt said, "You already apologized dear, you don't have to do it again (after a new bout of awareness), just continue doing what you are doing, you are fine. She did't know the meaning of F.I.N.E. (Frustrated, insecure, neurotic, and emotional).

Have found that some people didn't even see a need for an amend. That was okay, I didn't do it for them, they can accept or not accept, it is about me and my recovery, and my state of mind.

Write down names and you will either cross some off and/or add more. A lot for me were a result of false responsibility and as they say, fear (false evidence appeariing real) and doing and sayiing what I thought I was suppose to do, especially if it made them happy and I thought that was an act or a response I was suppose to make as a result of old tapes.

It was about me getting honest with me.

[MajestyJo]

Monday, August 25, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Willing to Make Amends

The Eighth Step is talking about a change of heart, a healing change.

This attitude can begin a great chain of repair and healing in our relationships with others and ourselves. It means we become willing to let go of our hard heartedness - one of the greatest blocks to our ability to give and receive love.

In the Eighth Step, we make a list of all people we have harmed, and we allow ourselves to experience a healing attitude toward them. It is an attitude of love.

We do not, in this Step, dash madly about and begin yelling, "Sorry!" We make our list, not to feel guilty, but to facilitate healing. Before we actually make amends or begin to consider appropriate amends, we allow ourselves to change our attitude. That is where healing begins - within us.

It can change the energy. It can change the dynamics. It can begin the process, before we ever open our mouths and say sorry.

It opens the door to love. It opens the door to the energy of love and healing. It enables us to release negative feelings and energy, and opens the door to positive feelings and energy.

That energy can be felt around the world, and it starts inside us.

How often have we, after we have been hurt, wished that the person would simply recognize our pain and say, "I'm sorry?" How often have we wished that the person would simply see us, hear us, and turn the energy of love our way? How often have we longed for at least a change of heart, a small dose of reconciliation, in relationships tainted by unfinished business and bad feelings? Often.

Others do too. It is no secret. The energy of healing begins with us. Our willingness to make amends may or may not benefit the other person; he or she may or may not be willing to put matters to rest.

But we become healed. We become capable of love.

Today, I will work on a change of heart if hard heartedness, defensiveness, guilt, or bitterness are present. I will become willing to let go of those feelings and have them replaced by the healing energy of love.

It took time and prayer to become willing to make an amend to my ex-boss, I knew I had a part in it, but he was always the bigger sinner (offender), in my eyes. It was about what he did to me, and not about the fact that I tried to do the work of 3 people, and because I couldn't keep up, I got into my pills because I had the headache, which turned into migraines. It didn't matter that Ms. Perfection felt guilty and couldn't keep up her normal routine, and when you are a proof reader and you don't see the mistakes, there is something wrong. Ms. Perfect was stoned because the Es looked like As, and so much more.

Finally, I became willing to be willing to make the amend. I got on the bus and said, "I will stop on the way back from my doctor's appointment." I looked out the bus window and saw a bankruptcy banner across the front window of his store. He had moved out of town, no forwarding address, and I came to the understanding, that it would hurt him and me, and as long as I was willing, my God cleared the slate.

[MajestyJo]

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Making Amends

Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
—Step Nine of Al-Anon

When we make amends we need to be clear about what we're apologizing for and the best way to say we're sorry. What we are really doing with our amends is taking responsibility for our behavior. We need to be sure that the process itself will not be self-defeating or hurtful.

Sometimes, we need to directly apologize for a particular thing we have done or our part in a problem.

Other times, instead of saying "I'm sorry," what we need to do is work on changing our behavior with a person.

There are times when bringing up what we have done and apologizing for it will make matters worse.

We need to trust timing, intuition, and guidance in this process of making amends. Once we become willing, we can let go and tackle our amends in a peaceful, consistent, harmonious way. If nothing feels right or appropriate, if it feels as if what we are about to do will cause a crisis or havoc, we need to trust that feeling.

Attitude, honesty, openness, and willingness count here. In peace and harmony, we can strive to clear up our relationships.

We deserve to be at peace with others and ourselves.

Today, I will be open to making any amends I need to make with people. I will wait for Divine Guidance in the process of making any amends that are not clear to me. I will act, when led. God, help me let go of my fear about facing people and taking responsibility for my behaviors. Help me know I am not diminishing my self-esteem by doing this; I am improving it.

Posted on this yesterday, amends isn't saying "I'm sorry!" it is about taking a look at your life, and looking at what you need to change in order to not continue acting out in your disease.

[MajestyJo]

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Procrastination

Procrastination - not acting when the time is right - is a self-defeating behavior. It produces anxiety, guilt, disharmony, and a nagging consciousness of the task that life is telling us it's time to do.

We are not always procrastinating when we put off doing something. Sometimes, doing a thing before the time is right can be as self-defeating as waiting too long.

We can learn to discern the difference. Listen to yourself. Listen to the Universe. What is past due and creating anxiety and prodding within you?

Is there something in your life you are avoiding because you don't want to face it? Is there a building anxiety from putting this off?

Sometimes anger, fear, or feeling helpless can motivate procrastination. Sometimes, procrastination has simply become habitual.

Trust and listen to yourself, your Higher Power, and the Universe. Watch for signs and signals. If it is time to do something, do it now. If it is not yet time, wait until the time is right.

God, help me learn to be on time and in harmony with my life. Help me tune in to and trust Divine Timing and Order.

Didn't procrastinate, phoned to cancel appointment at 6:30 a.m., only to get a call they missed me at 11 a.m.

Laundry will be put off for another day