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Family and Friends of Alcoholics and Addicts This forum is for families and friends whose lives have been affected by someone else's drinking and/or drug abuse.

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Old 11-16-2014, 03:51 AM   #16
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Sunday, November 16, 2014

You are reading from the book Today's Gift

One is forever throwing away substance for shadows.
—Jennie Jerome Churchill

Sometimes we trade possessions with our friends. Maybe we want to add to our collection, or perhaps we just do it to get someone to like us. But if we try to buy friendship, we'll be sad later when we realize we've lost a prized possession and not gained a friend.

Our friendships come when we least expect them, often with people who have something in common with us. They will not be friendships we have to buy, but relationships to treasure and have for years. These friendships will teach us to respect ourselves and our friends.

Am I making good friends, or bad trades?
One of the few questions that I tend to query, as I think my God puts all people into our life for a reason, and I tend to look at things as good or bad for us in the moment, and if I meet a friend, they are such for life unless they choose otherwise. It doesn't matter if they never speak to me for the rest of my life, that is there choice. A friend is a friend and someone my God put in my life. I may may have to detach from them for my own sobriety and piece of mind in the moment, but that doesn't mean that they are no longer my friend. I don't see it as trading off friends. I think that is a very ugly thought.

Maybe my perception is off on this as it late and they mean something different, I hope so. I know they say, "Sell your soul to the devil to get a deal, but that isn't what I am referring too, maybe they are. Giving up a friend in order to make a new friend to obtain something else, like favour and kudos for something, is just not a game I play any more, I forget that those kinds of game are still being played. Trading on your friendship, to get something you want and feel you need, forgetting that God meets our needs and He doesn't play those games either.
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Old 11-17-2014, 11:33 PM   #17
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Monday, November 17, 2014

You are reading from the book Today's Gift

Down in a green and shady bed
A modest violet grew;
Its stalk was bent, it hung its head,
As if to hide from view.
—Jane Taylor

Shyness can be painful. Those of us who are shy do not choose to be this way. There are no quick and easy solutions to shyness, but it isn't the worst thing that could happen to us. And there are some things we can do about it. We can be willing to talk about it with someone we trust. We can exercise to build strength and self-confidence, and we can avoid dwelling on the problem. Most of all, we should not let shyness keep us from doing things. We may be a little uncomfortable, but that doesn't have to stop us from doing the task at hand to the best of our ability.

We can be assured that the ability to succeed is within us, and keep in mind that, if we offer love to those around us, their answering love will help us overcome our shyness.

What am I no longer too shy to try today?
Not to sure I have a shy bone left. It was more lack of self-confidence then shyness that prevented me from doing things.
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Old 11-18-2014, 09:07 AM   #18
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Tuesday, November 18, 2014

You are reading from the book Today's Gift

One comes in the end to realize that there is no permanent pure relationship and there should not be.
—Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Whether we are teenagers in love for the first time, or parents who have been married for twenty years, relationships can turn into obsessions if we're not careful.

We can lose our sense of self and only feel complete when we're with the other person. We can become totally attached and dependent on the primary person in our lives for all our needs.

We need to remember that we can be a good partner in a relationship only if we feel complete within ourselves. Keeping ourselves open to change in our surroundings, our loved ones, and especially ourselves helps us stay whole.

We learn, first, to be ourselves, to make independent choices. We dare to do things on our own. Things as simple as going for a walk by ourselves and smelling the scents of nature. Being ourselves means bringing our own world to meet the world of our loved ones, rather than depending on them to make our world.

Am I making my own happiness so I may share it with others?
For so many years, I lived my life through others. I didn't feel happy unless they were a part of my life. I didn't know I was responsible for my own happiness. I coined the phrase, "I am happy if you are happy dear," which in truth is a crock of you know what, but didn't know back then.
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Old 11-19-2014, 07:45 AM   #19
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Wednesday, November 19, 2014

You are reading from the book Today's Gift

We all fear what we don't know - it's natural.
—Leo Buscaglia

If we put a blindfold over our eyes and begin to walk around an open field, we would feel unsure with each step. We might be afraid of falling, afraid of walking over some unseen edge and hurting ourselves.

When any of us face something and we don't know what the outcome will be, we often feel blindfolded. We fear we may get hurt. We fear we can't do it. We have a hard time trusting ourselves. A blind person often finds help or guidance from others, or will gain confidence by walking on - slowly at first, finding trust and sureness with each step.

These same things help us when we are afraid. It is also helpful to remember there is no right or wrong way to explore what faces us - only our own way.

What new trust can I place in myself today?
A spiritual adviser told me that if I turned things over to my God, I would know, if I didn't know, the time was not right. I had to trust my God, myself, and trust in the process. As a sponsor told me in early recovery, if you are doubting yourself, you are doubting your God. They are words that have stayed with me for 20+ years.
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Old 11-20-2014, 08:42 AM   #20
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Thursday, November 20, 2014

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Without solitude, there can be no real people.
—John Euder

We all need some time alone. It's a good idea to set aside a few minutes every day to be alone with ourselves. This is a very special time that is all our own. It's a time to relax and refresh ourselves.

This goes for every member of the family, and it's important that we allow others some time for themselves. It shows them we respect, love, and care about them. Without that solitude, they cannot be truly themselves - and neither can we.

Nature teaches us that each thing, even the earth itself, needs a retreat. Bears hibernate; cats crawl off out of sight, even the plants disappear for the winter. It is this time that refreshes life for the Spring to come. If we want to have healthy, fulfilling relationships with each other, we all need time to ourselves every day. Without being "real people"--truly ourselves - how can we be full members of our family?

How can I better spend my time alone today?
The last two days I have been spending it with a good book and music. Snowed in, can't get out so taking some me time. Not much TV time, shows I watch have been nature, food and health related, doing meditation, and just cuddling up with my comforter and staying warm.
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Old 11-21-2014, 05:39 PM   #21
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Friday, November 21, 2014

You are reading from the book Today's Gift

We decided that it was no good asking what is the meaning of life, because life isn't an answer, life is the question, and you, yourself, are the answer.
—Ursula K. LeGuin

How many times have we felt like we were drifting aimlessly, constantly searching for meaning in a world that seems so mixed up, seeking direction but getting nowhere? But looked at differently, "nowhere" becomes "now here." When we take things apart, stand back, and examine them from a different angle, we often find we held the answer from the beginning. Sometimes, when we're convinced we are the problem, we discover we were the solution all along.

When we look for true understanding, we can be sure it exists in this moment, and that we can find it within ourselves, with God's help.

What question do I seek an answer to today?
What is wrong with my computer? My patience and tolerance has just about got about got up and went. It is really slow, and just when I think I have it fixed, it gets really slow, so going to shut down again, reboot, do an update, just what the program teaches me. Go back to basics, say the Serenity Prayer, take an inventory, ask to be led to what I need, and let go and let God.
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Old 11-22-2014, 03:57 PM   #22
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Saturday, November 22, 2014

You are reading from the book Today's Gift


The greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances.
—Martha Washington

We all have friends who seem happy even though they run into lots of bad luck. And we all know other people who seem grumpy all the time. Nothing makes them very happy. It's puzzling, but some people have decided, maybe without even knowing it, that life is fun and should be enjoyed. No bit of bad luck has to make us miserable unless we let it.

A broken bike, a lost math assignment, a rained-out picnic are things that might make us miserable. But, we can decide they won't. Feeling happy can be a habit - just like brushing teeth before bedtime.

Will I stop and think today before I let things make me unhappy?
Glad I had the thought to switch servers and go back to Internet Explorer and quit using Google Chrome, because things are working alright. Last night I found myself very angry, I even got a medication card that told me so. It had a picture with a lot of flames like I was going to blow my top. And as a result, I am happy, happy, happy. I even remembered how to put on a picture.
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Old 11-23-2014, 05:24 PM   #23
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Sunday, November 23, 2014

You are reading from the book Today's Gift


Happiness is not a place to travel to. It's a way of getting there.
—Anonymous

Those of us who climb mountains find joy in reaching the top. However, the climb would not make much sense if there were not things to enjoy on the way up. If we groan and complain, it will be hard to feel joy at the summit. However, if we are able to enjoy each day's journey, it makes all the difference in the world. In the midst of each chore, we can notice the sunset or the unique and beautiful surroundings of each day.

Each of our days is different. Happiness is not a goal we are struggling to reach some time in the future. It is a gift we can give ourselves today. If we enjoy some parts of each day of our hike, we will also feel joy at the summit.

What form will my gift of happiness take today?
By sharing with others today.
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Old 11-25-2014, 12:22 AM   #24
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Monday, November 24, 2014

You are reading from the book Today's Gift

I went to sleep with gum in my mouth and now there's gum in my hair and when I got out of bed this morning I tripped on the skateboard and by mistake I dropped my sweater in the sink while the water was running and I could tell it was going to be a terrible day.
—Judith Viorst

Some days, for all our good intentions, seem to go sour from the start. Maybe we're tired or feeling ill or preoccupied with a problem that seems insurmountable. Maybe we just got up on the wrong side of the bed.

Living one day at a time means getting the most we can out of today. It also means we know today does not have to doom or dictate tomorrow. If we have a bad day today, that's all it is - a bad day. It does not mean we're bad or that the world is against us or that we might as well give in to our worst attitudes and behaviors since nothing is going right anyway. And it does not mean tomorrow will be a bad day, too.

When we have a bad day - and everyone does - there are a few things we can do while we wait it out. We can slow down. We can be quiet. We can pray. And we can let go. How else will we be able to recognize a wonderful day?

Am I living today - good or bad - and not tomorrow or yesterday?
Try to make the most of now. I like the old saying perfume commercial from Exclaimation that says, "Make a statement without saying a word."
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Old 11-25-2014, 09:38 AM   #25
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Tuesday, November 25, 2014

You are reading from the book Today's Gift


All music is what awakes from you when you are reminded by the instruments.
—Walt Whitman

A small group of friends sat in a room around a record player. It was a heavy old thing, with parts that had to be operated by hand and only one speaker - nothing like a modern stereo at all, but more like an antique phonograph. The record - a recording of their favorite music - was old, too, and scratched, its grooves worn smooth as a stone in some places. The tone arm skipped and scratched, and the sound was tinny, hard on the ears.

Most of the friends squirmed in their seats as they listened, and several grumbled that it was impossible to hear the music with such inferior equipment.

But one of the group sat listening, her eyes closed, swaying to the music and humming softly to herself.

"How can you enjoy this?" the others asked.

"Ah," she said with a mysterious smile. "I am listening beyond the recording to the music I know is there!"

Can I find the music that's playing for me today?
How ironic! When I sat down, my first thought was "It is a month to Christmas." Yesterday I took special note of how much Christmas music was playing on the jazz music station I listen to on my TV digital box. As the country music song says, "Play me some country music," for me at the time, it is play me some "Christmas" music. It is on now until January. The jazz station plays all instrumental.
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Old 11-26-2014, 06:16 PM   #26
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Wednesday, November 26, 2014

You are reading from the book Today's Gift


Giving up is not giving in, nor is it failing. It is no longer needing to be right.
—Anonymous

When someone tells us a riddle, we may give up if we don't know the answer. We give up because we are tired of trying to get it, or because we are eager to find out what it is.

Giving up in other situations, may be more difficult. We may need to give up eating something that isn't healthy for us. We may need to give up trying to win an argument. We may need to give up old clothes that we love which no longer fit us. When we don't want to give up, it may be because we have forgotten the knowledge, health, or peace of mind we gain by doing so.

In each case, giving up means growth and going on with our lives. Giving up may mean many different things in different situations, but it does not mean doing nothing. It means doing what seems right for us and giving up the expectation that what happens will be exactly what we want.

What can I gain by giving up something that is harmful today?
It reminds me, that to surrender is to win. The part about clothes brought a smile to my face. I have some nightshirts that are thread bare that almost leave me bare because I just don't want to part with them. It isn't until the material is 'parting of the ways' that I become willing to replace it. It is especially true in night shirts more so in any other wearing apparel, although a pair of jean can and has become near and dear to my heart, which I had to lovingly detach from.

As my sponsor said, "If you have recovery show it." As my mother use to say, "That is more (w)holy than righteous!"
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Old 11-27-2014, 03:19 AM   #27
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The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science.
—Albert Einstein

Albert Einstein knew in his heart that the source of all his knowledge was not himself, but a mystery - something or someone outside himself. And it left him in awe and wonder. He knew also that while genius may be ninety percent hard work and only ten percent inspiration, all the hard work in the world amounts to nothing without that outside, mysterious inspiration. He was right. We can work hard and play hard. We can paint and draw and write and develop formulas all our lives, but none of it will be new or different unless we are open to inspiration from some power outside ourselves that also, somehow, is deep within us. To be really good at anything, whether it's playing baseball, designing fashion clothing, fixing an engine, or cooking, we must believe in some creative force that helps us excel. When we see that force at work, we stand in awe at the wonderful and mysterious gift we have been given.

How have I been inspired to discover something?
Went back to playing bridge. Went back to school to learn computers in 2001 and ended up with a certificate for Business Administration on Computers, only to find that I didn't want to go back into the rat race, I had done my time. I was quite happy to volunteer. I was 59. I did get called to an interview and a call back which made me feel good. The experience helped me to build my recovery web sites. Sadly MSN closed all their sites and my sites are no more.
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Old 11-28-2014, 12:48 PM   #28
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for most this amazing day . . .
. . . for everything
which is natural which is infinite
which is yes.
—e. e. cummings

Let us be thankful today for all simple obvious things: for the sun's rising this morning without our having to awaken it; for another good turn the earth makes today without expecting anything in return; for our ability to know right and wrong by heart. Let us give thanks for all small things that mean the world to us; for bread and cheese and clean running water; for our ability to call our enemies our friends, to forgive even ourselves; for our own bodies, however sagging and worn, which insist on continuing for at least another day.

How much ordinary daily good do I take for granted?
Try not to go there these days. Those little things in today are big things to me.
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Old 11-29-2014, 09:06 AM   #29
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When written in Chinese, the word crisis is composed of two characters--one represents danger and the other represents opportunity.
—John F. Kennedy

Family crises are unavoidable. At times, things are going to break down. This is no reason to give up and abandon ship. These breakdowns are the things, which will strengthen our lives together if we do not lose faith. The Einstein family had a crisis of sorts when their little boy, Albert, did not talk until he was four years old. But what looked like a problem at first did not end up that way in the long run.

We can expect downhill slides once in a while, and we may even start to feel full of self-pity. With faith that these setbacks are meant to help us grow stronger, we won't waste them and end up having to face them again and again until we do recognize their true purpose.

What setback can I use to grow stronger today?
Not sure, it hasn't happened yet! Thanks to the program, the difference in today is that I have a new found awareness in today, and I will recognize it when it happens and I will have a choice as to whether I will deal with it or whether I will pull on the blanket of denial or put it on the shelf or take it off the shelf and dust it.
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Old 11-30-2014, 04:58 AM   #30
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Sunday, November 30, 2014

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I've never sung anything that I wasn't ready to sing.
—Claudia Schmidt

Most of us are curious about the "olden days" before we were born. We ask our parents what life was like when they were kids, what they did, what they looked like, and what they thought about. But most of us, even those who are parents ourselves, have probably never asked our parents, "Were you ready to go to school, to grow up, to get married, to get a job, to have me?"

So often we are afraid to take even a small new step, afraid of change. We feel so alone in our uncertainty. From our point of view, if often looks as though everybody's ready except us.

Perhaps another way to look at it is that, for most of our lives, readiness really isn't much of an issue. Were we ready to be born? Were we ready to walk, to read, to sing? Maybe we were; maybe not. What's important is what we did, not what we were ready to do. For life is mostly a matter of jumping in feet first shouting, "Here I come, ready or not!"

What am I going to do today, ready or not?
My laundry, my laundry, my laundry! Osho says that doing dishes, which I guess means all forms of house works, can be a form of housework can be an act of meditation. I need a change of attitude to bring about change and have my defect of character, procrastination removed. Laundry has bee a thought which hasn't been followed up by action for several days.
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