Dr. Twerski's Sober Thought - August

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August 1

The Joy of Giving

Some become depressed by disruption of the family, loss of job, or trouble with the law -- all incident to their addiction. Yet when faced with someone who is in addictive trouble, they are open and willing to help. When suffering people are so willing to help others, they are distracted from their own distress. This is the magic of the Twelve Step program. It enables us to look outside of ourselves. If more people would reach out and help someone instead of retreating into self-pity when they are in the throes of misery, the world would be a much more pleasant place to live.

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August 2

Restraint is Often the Best Response

I once was annoyed a car was moving slowly, but when I saw a handicap symbol, I felt badly I had harbored angry feelings. I was grateful I had restrained myself from sounding the horn. While we may make amends for having offended someone, it would be so much better if we could avoid the incident in the first place. This is possible if we delay our reaction. What a peaceful night's sleep we would have if we could retire with the thought There is not one thing I did today that I regret having done. For many, this would eliminate the need for sedatives. ,

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August 3

The Difference Between Knowledge and Wisdom

A therapist discovered his daughter was using cocaine. He reacted like any other parent, with the usual combination of denial, rationalization, projection, anger, and attempt to control, although he would have counseled other parents to act differently. Emotions are powerful and may be misleading, regardless of how knowledgeable we are. Thus, we may not act constructively. It is as unwise to be your own addiction counselor as to be your own doctor or lawyer. That is why we need outside expertise to guide us, whether in regard to ourselves or someone we love.

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August 4

Greatness Comes with Humility

Gratitude results in humility. A person who receives a Divine favor may consider himself superior to others, and become arrogant instead of humble. Rarely is such a person grateful to God. If we recognize Divine providence and realize we are the beneficiaries of God's kindnesses, we become closer to Him. Standing in the eminent presence of the Infinite makes us feel very small indeed. This humility and self-effacement is in no way demeaning. The privilege of being a subject to the Great Sovereign is edifying. The measure of a person's greatness is in his ability to be grateful and humble.

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August 5

Mental Vigilance

If something is really important, it never leaves our mind. Nursing mothers will not be woken by the loudest thunder. Yet a whimper from the infant will promptly arouse them because mothers are conditioned to respond to their baby's needs. The person to whom sobriety is of preeminent importance may not be thinking about sobriety. However, should anything occur to threaten that sobriety, there is immediate arousal and recall of all that is necessary to protect sobriety. Devotion to AA and NA principles need not divert us from our normal functions any more than a mother's devotion to her infant prevents her from engaging in other activities.

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August 6

Know When to Relax

It has been said the most important time to relax is when we have no time to. Just consider priorities. A tourist who was told there were no vacancies at a motel said to the manager, If the president came here tonight you would find a room for him, wouldn't you? 0f course, the manager said. Good! The president isn't coming, so you can give me that room. If we had a heart attack, we would have time to rest. So let us use the time we would have used for recuperation for healthy relaxation instead. If we make relaxation a priority, we will find the time for it.

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August 7

Don’t Place Yourself in Harm’s Way

There is good reason to change people, places, and things. We consider addiction a disease. Further, we dispute people who consider it a self-inflicted disease. Indeed, there is evidence that addiction is strongly influenced by genetics and biology, and not self-inflicted. Yet we cannot absolve ourselves of all responsibility. The people, places, and things associated with alcohol or drug use are hazardous to sobriety, and we should not expose ourselves to these dangers. Similarly, we cannot claim our improper behavior was due to circumstances if we knowingly placed ourselves in those circumstances.

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August 8

It Takes More Than Just Drugs to Make an Addict

The question is often asked whether there is a personality profile for an addict. The answer is there is nothing in the psychological makeup of the preaddict that distinguishes him or her from the nonaddict. When addicts discontinue their use of chemicals, they are nevertheless vulnerable to the same errors in adjusting to life as during addiction. This is why continued involvement in the recovery program is essential. Complacency and failure to work the program can allow a recurrence of the same errors of omission or commission in sobriety that we had during active addiction.

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August 9

Unreasonable Desires Can Be Deadly

Seeking sobriety can indeed help us find serenity. Addiction has shown us some of our desires can be insatiable. The quantity of chemicals we needed constantly increased, until lethal. But as we recover, we apply this knowledge to other desires, whether food, money, sex, or acclaim. There is the fable of a greedy person who found a magic purse. Whenever he took out a dollar, another dollar appeared in its place. Days later he was found dead among a huge pile of dollars. His greed obscured his need for food or water. Recovery from addiction has taught us that some desires can be deadly.

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August 10

Fellowship Can Remove Many Barriers

and enhance serenity. Many pursue individual goals, often pushing others out of the way. When they reach their goal, they discover they must enjoy achievement in solitude. Many chemically addicted people are loners. They associate with others only when dulled by chemicals. But recovery enables us to escape from confinements we have built to protect us from others. These walls became a prison in which we trapped ourselves. The recovery fellowship allows us to share with others -- to help and to be helped -- and we thereby escape from our prison to serenity. ,

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August 11

Understanding Destructive Behavior

An adolescent who caused his parents aggravation was given psychological tests. He completed a sentence I wish... with that my parents knew how much I love them. This adolescent's behavior hardly indicated love for his parents. However, recovering addicts can understand this because they know the pain of having hurt those whom they loved. Destructive behavior cannot be tolerated, regardless of the motivation. We should bear in mind, though, that just as tough love is well intended, behavior that is defiant may emanate from someone who nevertheless loves us.

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August 12

Denying the Obvious

Addictive thinking includes strange denials. A compulsive gambler who had been economically ruined by gambling was adamant in his ability to win. The gambler said, I have a winning system, but when I get to the track I get so excited that I don't put my system into operation. When I do, I know I will win. Can you think of anything so insane as a person in total ruin planning to continue the same activities that brought on his disaster? Whether it is gambling, chemicals, food, or sex, the story is always the same: the addict has an ingenious way of denying the obvious.

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August 13

Adjust to Reality

Someone once said once when facts don't fit our preconceptions, it is easier to ignore the facts than to change the preconceptions. An optimum adjustment to reality can be made only if we perceive reality correctly. Reality consists of hard facts, which exist whether we like them or not. Ignoring facts, for whatever reason, is going to result in problems. We might not like the fact that the economy is in a recession, our job is in jeopardy, or someone we love has a chemical problem. However, ignoring these facts is just another word for denial, the hallmark of addiction.

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August 14

Hard Work and Simple Solutions

Some people feel everything should be legalized: marijuana, heroin, cocaine. While Prohibition was a failure, it is also evident that legalizing alcohol has not eliminated the disastrous consequences of alcoholism. What is needed in our culture is more self-restraint. Unfortunately, while voices for legalizing drugs are loud, advocates of self-restraint are few and far between. Recovering people have learned the hard way that only discipline prevents self-destruction. It would be well if society appreciated this and made a greater effort to avoid simple solutions.

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August 15

Are You Missing Something?

I often hear people say, I never drink to get high, only to feel normal. We make assumptions about what is normal based on our observations of other people. If we are frustrated with our job, or are not getting along well with our partner, we feel cheated. Others may be smiling although they do not feel like it; their life may not be as it seems in public. Most feel no more and no less satisfaction or frustration than you do. If you are not aware of this it is because you are comparing your insides with other people's outsides.