Step Four Study

[MajestyJo]

It helped me to go to meeting and hear other people's stories and though a lot of their drunk-a-log I didn't identify with, I certainly identified with the feelings when they shared them. That was a the key for me. Getting in touch with my feelings. I had suppressed them for so many years, I didn't always put the correct label on things. My sponsor and the social worker I worked with for the first year of my recovery helped me with that. It was the feelings of being different, of not belonging, of not being able to cope when you felt like it was your responsibility to do so. Only to find later often it wasn't my stuff, it wasn't mine to own and a lot of what I thought was anger was abandonment, rejection, and just plain hurt.

What gave me faith was seeing the program work in others. When I go downtown like I did today, I met a woman as I was leaving who is the best friend of my sponsor. She moved into my building. I hope she doesn't expect me to visit, she is a pot smoker. To balance that, I ran into a woman who use to be a member of my group. She no longer goes to meetings. Her son use to smoke pot but quit and is clean and sober. I shared with her that I was going to Al-Anon because mine was still using. She asked if it helped. I used my usual reply, "I went to AA for my denial, I go to NA for identification, and I go to Al-Anon for my recovery." 12 Steps are 12 Steps and they work because wherever I go, I take me with me.

It was great when my sponsor told me I had to find the positive to balance the negative. The only problem was that I had trouble finding it. What helped me was looking up a horoscope book under my sign. It gave me a guideline. I could see myself, positive and negative, see what needed work and be grateful that I hadn't lost all my integrity and values. Some thing God and I are still working on, somethings we are working on again, some things are where they are suppose to be, while others have been put aside for the moment. I am glad it is a one day at a time program.

My having a strong faith, found in Step Three, along with a Higher Power and a good support group, I was able to move on with this Step and get to the other side.

To be continued...