Defects of Character

[MajestyJo]

Agreeable/Disagreeable

“If you have learned how to disagree without being disagreeable,
then you have discovered the secrete of getting along -- whether it
be business, family relations, or life itself.” - - Bernard Meltzer

One of the cards I got when I did my meditation today was about listening. The other was in God's time, not mine. The key card was "There's something out of balance in your life, so do whatever you need to do to correct it." I feel like I have two issues, my sleeping and my eating disorder. I just put on my soup and forgot that it was on and it has been bubbling away for about 20 minutes! Who am I to argue with the Universe? I wanted to go out to eat, wanted to order in, and then made the decision to eat what I had on hand.

I was sharing with two different friends yesterday and today about how our expression and body language often speaks volumns. I don't always have to open my mouth to be disagreeable.

If I am accepting of what is, then I have no reason to be disagreeable.

This is something I posted on another site in 2011.

Really like the last line, don't remember being that smart. It looks like I need to work on that. It is one thing to say, "Agree to disagree," but so often our body language does give us away.

For me, recovery meant learning that there were shades of gray between that black/white syndrome of either/or with no compromise.

Like this little guy, he is saying the words, but looks like he is fearful and hiding from what is confronting him.

[MajestyJo]

Sunday Chip---Optimistic/Pessimistic

The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
~Winston Churchill~

I tend to be a bit of both. For myself optimistic for others, I tend to swing the other way.

As the saying goes, the worst day in recovery far exceeds the best day out there when I was practicing.

I do admit to thinking the worst last night. Just when I think I've got it, more is revealed and it is back to the drawing board. Another way of showing that 'control' is an illusion. Those control issues can come along and bite you on the fanny! It corrodes the soul and I am back into my way is the only way. I have to let him be who he is and make his own choices. I know that but not easy to put into practice.

wrote this on another site in 2009

In today, I think I mostly lean toward the latter. I try to look for the positive and if I can't find it, I meditate on it, because for me, everything isn't all negative or all positive. It is about balance, and without the little bit of positive, there is no hope.

[MajestyJo]

Stubborn/Willing

For me in today, "Stubborn is like sticking my tongue out at my God and saying, "I like my way better than yours." It is really childish and yet, a guy who lives on my floor was coming into the building the other day, and a woman who is an after hour maintenance person, stuck her tongue out at him. She blamed him for slamming his door and she wrote up a notice and put it on his door. At the time of the noise, he wasn't even home and she has had it in for him ever since. I wouldn't have been surprised if it was my door she heard. He lives a long way from her and as far as I can tell, she couldn't have heard him if she tried, unless she had her door open.

In today, I am willing to be willing to allow others their space. I have to realize that a lot of people don't have program. Not everyone is willing to go to any length to stay sober. Some are willing to be sober, but not willing to be clean and sober. For me, substitution doesn't work, whatever the substance, it all leads to the same soul sickness. It is just that some substnces can take you down faster than others.

[MajestyJo]

Equality/Prejudice

Didn't think I had much prejudice, thought I had an open mind, but the other day I found that I don't have much respect for people who abuse, in my eyes, women. The old way of thinking about keeping women in the kitchen and the bedroom, espeially when I see the men sitting around in malls or on street corners watching other women go by.

I know it is their culture, but I think that they need to change and update their views.

Don't have much tolerance for people who say one thing and do another. That is what I look for in a sponsor, someone who walks her talk.

I wish I had a car, yet I know that it is best that I don't drive. I see a lot of drivers on the road and think that they shouldn't be driving either.

According to this, we can blame our winter blues and snow on the angels.

I need to get out of the blame game. I need to remember that for every finger I point at someone or some thing, I have three coming back at me.

[MajestyJo]

Polite/Rude

Polite would be good. Sounds like a lessoned learned. I don't do mail order or internet shopping. Just because there is a size on the article, doesn't mean it is made in the same shape as others of the same number. I need to try things on because my body is not normal. Because of my diabetes, I have a pot that I can't get rid of and have to my mind a flat a$$, something I always wanted was a much more curvy one. Acceptance is the key. I have long skinny leg, and the boobs are just not where they use to be.

It may be rude and too much information, but I hate bras and when my body swells, they cause me just too much pain. I generally where a shirt under a shirt. If I wear a bra, it is because it is a courtesy to others other than a vanity thing of mine to put the girls up where they are suppose to be.

Polite is always good, there is no excuse for rudeness. The customer is always right they say, but to my way of thinking, the customer needs to get with the program. The server is a human too, just trying to do their job. The powers that be, the head honchos are the ones who really need a program. Many qualify, but don't make it!

[MajestyJo]

Just for today, I will affirm myself. It is okay to be me. If someone has a problem with me, it is their problem, and I can't take it personal. I have to accept what is in today knowing it is subject to change. Recovery is a process. Things happen in my God's time, not mine when I surrender and turn things over to Him.

[MajestyJo]

Just for today, I will not ignore what is going on with my body. For many years, I stuffed my feelings and didn't allow myself to be human. Ms. Perfection is part of my disease, she is not part of recovery. Just shutting down and pretending something isn't there, and it developed into more. Like my love of coca-cola and donuts let me to type 2 diabetes. Just for today, I will not only change my eating, I will change my attitude.

[MajestyJo]

Just for today, I will remember if I am doubting myself, I am doubting my God. I need to put things in His/Her Hands and leave them there.

[MajestyJo]

Just for today, I will go with the flow instead of trying to make things happen. I will turn my day over to the God of my understanding and trust my God to direct my path. I won't leave home without Him.

[MajestyJo]

Just for today, I will let go of my resentment and preconceived ideas of the senior transportation here in the city, in order to get to my group on a regular basis, come rain or shine.

I will try to keep and open mind and remember the purpose and persevere.

[MajestyJo]

Realistic/Unrealistic

Realistically, I had a crappy day. My phone is broken. I am still getting my head aches. It looks like my body has become immune to Echinacea, and I am all stuffed up and have problems breathing.

It would be unrealistic for me to put my happy face on, even though I will try, but feel like it would take too much energy. Why say something if it isn't true.

My throat is sore, so have trouble speaking my truth, so letting my fingers speak for me.

Bah Humbug!

[MajestyJo]

Generous/Selfish


Have been told that I am selfish. I know it is the nature of my disease, yet through my program, I try not to go there today.

I can remember in my past, my attitude toward my ex-husband was, "God help your soul if you have one more drink than I do, and yet he had the problem with drinking, not I. He was a falling down drunk, I was a functioning alcoholic.

In today, I am willing to share half my pie with my son. Not too willing to let him have some of my half, although there have been a few occasions. Then there are the times when it comes to dishing out the chocolate pudding. The bowls are generally even, although with my eyes, I see he has more. That isn't counting cleaning out the pot and licking the sthingy.

On the positive side, I firmly believe that if you have enough to cook for one, you can cook for two.

[MajestyJo]

and gracious. I know I am thankful for the people that have been put in my path over the years.

My father told me years ago when I was in my 20s, that I was more contrary than stubborn. I did dig in and say, "Won't when it came to cigarettes for a long time, I just didn't want to give up that last addiction." I used the program to quit, and instead of gaining weight, I lost 3 lbs. and as the saying goes, "Fear kept me sick."

Many thought I was a self-righteous sinner when I did quit. I found out I was allergic to smoke of all kinds, and couldn't hang around people who smoked. I lost a lot of friends. I had been in recovery for 7 years when I made the decision to quit. I wanted to be a clean clear channel to carry the message of recovery. That was 18 years ago, and there are times even in today that I think, a cigarette would be great right now, but I chase that thought with, "Just for today, I choose not to use. The same is applicable to my eating disorder, and I had to turn over my love of Lottery Tickets to my God and apply the program there too.

I don't like to think that I am stubborn and I won't pick up, for me that isn't spiritual. It is about taking my thinkiing to my God and asking for it to be changed. Take those obsessive feelings away, instead of hanging on with gritted teeth and clenched fists.

[MajestyJo]

Respectful/Disrespectful

So many people feel like they deserve respect. Respect is something that is earned. My past caught up to me many times, so I had to earn respect as a result of decisions made. They say, "We are where we are at in today as a result of decisions made." If I don't respect myself, how can I expect someone else to respect me.

As they say, "What goes around, comes around." If I am disrespectful toward others, I can be sure it will come back to me and grab me on the butt and get my attention and I will find myself saying, "Why is this happening to me?" Duh!!!

We were talking about this today. So many people no longer respect personal space. It is invaded continually, with no thought of the other person. It is today's society, always in a hurry, always wanting their way, and it is like there is no one else in the world but them and their wants and desires.

[MajestyJo]

Assertive/Submissive

Well I was assertive today when I called Darts and they said I had no booking for today. I said, "How can you add a passenger to my ride that is not there." She said, "The ride is booked on the 12th." Grrrrrrr.

I said, "This is not acceptable to me. This was booked over 6 weeks ago, and I was told it would take 3 weeks to put in place. I need to be at my appointment today. I said, "Thankfully it isn't snowing, but it is very cold. If you can't accomadate me, then I will have to take a bus. I said, "Riding on a bus, especially the express one, is very painful for me." Please see what you can do, it would be appreciated." They found a ride for me to and from my home group. To top it off, they had the wrong information on the contract they had in place. I just didn't let it go, I set the record straight. It didn't make a difference if they made a mistake today, but to continually make one is unacceptable and I would have had to cancel the service. I am not going to wait for over half an hour for transportation that doesn't come.

They say, "How important is it?" It was important. Important for my health and well being, as well as for my sobriety.