Steps By The Big Book

[bluidkiti]

SESSION 9

STEP 4 How It Works Resentment ‘Turnarounds’

The 3RD and 4TH working of the grudge list.
They, like ourselves, were sick too. (67:0)


I ON YOUR OWN: STUDY – What did Big Book authors say?

• READ Read of Step 4 Resentments in the Big Book (the final 4 paragraphs, pp. 66-67)

• 1. 1. • Turn Back In Session 9 we turn…back (see 66: 3) to the list and do the 3RD and 4TH workings of our resentment inventory.
        • Turnarounds ‘Turnarounds’ is a term used by some in AA to indicate the beneficial huge emotional displacements and rearrangements (27: 4) that happen to us as we work through the Big Book Step 4 process. Our Step 4 turnaround is returning us to our proper orientation, back from our isolation. We are given tools to do this through a close and inquiring reading of Step 4 in the Big Book.

• WRITE Write about one or more resentments or about your reflections on the readings. Heard in a meeting: “An expectation is a resentment waiting to happen.”

• TALK Call your sponsor and other members of the group.

• PRACTICE DAILY MEDITATION / PRAYER Ask for help.

II WITH THE GROUP: PRACTICE – What does the Big Book say to me
about my practice of my resentment inventory?


Continue your discussions with the group about your resentments and how you are working the Steps in order to address them.


Points of Focus and Reflection (Consider pp.66: 3-67: 2)Cross off the bulleted points.


A. The 3RD Working of the Grudge List: When?“When I am ready, what do I do?”Turned back to the list (66: 3) Begin with centering silence.

1.) A Different Angle – Three Column Lessons

• We turned back to the list, for it held the key to the future. (66: 3)
• We were prepared to look at it from an entirely different angle. (66: 3)

• We began to see that the world and its people really dominated us. (66: 3) [First Column lesson- “There is no room for contact with my higher power.”]
• In that state, the wrong-doing of others, fancied or real… [Second Column lesson- “It was not who, but how they hurt me that I’m mad at.”]
• had power to actually kill. (66: 3) [Third Column lesson- “I react and drink.”]

2.) How Could We Escape? (66: 3)Empathy – They are like us.

• This was our course: We realized that the people who wronged us [First Column names -who hurt us] were perhaps spiritually sick. (66: 4)
• Though we did not like their symptoms…[Second Column –how they hurt us]
• …and the way these disturbed us,… [Third Column –what part of self we reacted to]
• they, like ourselves, were sick too. (67:0)

3.) Meditation / Prayer * Avoid retaliation.

• We asked God [of our understanding] to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. (67: 0)
• We avoid retaliation or argument. (67: 1)

B. The 4TH Working of the Grudge List: Where?“Where am I responsible?” “Can I describe my part?”
Referring to our list again. (67: 2) Meditation / prayer to ask for help.


1.) Our Own Mistakes
Putting out of our minds the wrongs others had done, we resolutely looked for our own mistakes. (67: 2) [Mistake: A wrong action. Error; not right; blunder; out of bounds; missing the mark; defect; shortcoming.]


2.) Our Motives – More writing in more columns.

• Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and frightened? (67: 2)
  • These motives (86: 2) were the terms used by early AA’s as mirror-images of the “Four Absolutes” of the Oxford Group: “Absolute Selflessness,” “Absolute Honesty,” “Absolute Purity,” and “Absolute Love.”
  • Afraid of getting drunk trying to be absolutely too good too soon, the Big Book authors tried rather to be less selfish, less dishonest, less self-seeking, and less fearful. Consequently they found they were less likely to take a drink and less likely to live on an emotional dry bender.
• Opposite each Third Column instinct or role that was threatened and that you reacted to, write down and share precisely and in detail what your motives were.
• Try to keep your written responses concise with specific examples. Avoid generalities. Expand upon "I lied," or "I was dishonest," by telling what happened: "I promised to be there and never showed up."

p. 44-45
http://www.stepsbybigbook.net/