Eating For Mother

[MajestyJo]

It was like my life purpose was to make someone else happy with no thought of my own happiness, likes or dislikes.

I can remember saying many times over, "If you are happy, I am happy." What a load of crap! Yet I believed it, and thought that was my job. As my disease grew, it became I please you, now what are you going to give me. When I didn't get, then the anger and resentments moved in. The old thinking, "After all I did for you..." the LEAST you could do is...!"

Instead of a giving heart, it became a gimme heart and it was about what you can do for me instead of what I can do for you.

I was told what to eat, "It is good for you." I was told to clean up everything on my plate or there was no dessert, no play, no privileges. I was not deserving, I was not worthy of good food, I was wasteful and wouldn't grow up and be worthwhile.

So many messages, and then some changed in my own mind as they festered and grew and my perspective changed. My mom was a very good cook. I also saw myself a less than, because I felt I didn't measure up. I was always trying to please. One of my proudest moments in my life was making butter tarts and my father saying, "They were the best he had ever tasted."

Even in today, it isn't about please myself or others. It is about being right with me, sharing with others, and instead of being one, wanting to be different or like everyone else, we are made whole.