LANGUAGE OF LETTING GO - AUGUST 2014

[MajestyJo]

Saturday, August 16, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Rescuing Ourselves

No one likes a martyr.

How do we feel around martyrs? Guilty, angry, trapped, negative, and anxious to get away.

Somehow, many of us have developed the belief that depriving ourselves, not taking care of ourselves, being a victim, and suffering needlessly will get us what we want.

It is our job to notice our abilities, our strengths, and take care of ourselves by developing and acting on them.

It is our job to notice our pain and weariness and appropriately take care of ourselves.

It is our job to notice our deprivation, too, and begin to take steps to give ourselves abundance. It begins inside of us, by changing what we believe we deserve, by giving up our deprivation and treating ourselves the way we deserve to be treated.

Life is hard, but we don't have to make it more difficult by neglecting ourselves. There is no glory in suffering, only suffering. Our pain will not stop when a rescuer comes, but when we take responsibility for ourselves and stop our own pain.

Today, I will be my own rescuer. I will stop waiting for someone else to work through my issues and solve my problems for me.

Just knew one of the reading would speak to me and tell me to get honest. I bought brownies today. I recognize it as a fear thing. Every Friday night on pay day, my son goes out and spends mega bucks for alcohol and drugs. Each weekend if this is the time he will go to jail, overdose, and or be killed. He told me he had more than usual money this pay, so I realize that the brownies were a start of stuffing my feelings and not allowing my faith to bring me peace. All I can do is pray for him. I put him in God's Hands many years ago.

After having a piece of anniversary cake I told myself I shouldn't have a brownie. I found my self eating one and a song came on my digital music station on my TV, "Another nail in my coffin." Perhaps I should quit listening to these old boozing classics that say poor, poor me, pour me another one. That chocolate is a nail in my coffin, and I will find that Metformin is not going to be enough and I am going to find myself on Insulin.

http://www.metrolyrics.com/drivin-na...-thompson.html

I heard the phrase tonight that reminded me of how I felt when I came into recovery. It was, "Stop the world I want to get off." and I have been finding myself in an uncaring about myself, and thinking, "What the Heck!"

Very grateful for the awareness, thankful that my God and I can work on this and I don't have to continue using food to escape reality. It doesn't matter what substance I choose to use, substitution doesn't work and it all leads to the same soul sickness. I can't say, "Well I didn't pick up a drink or a drug." Food is a drug! I am powerless over people, places, and things. Thanks for letting me share.