LANGUAGE OF LETTING GO - AUGUST 2014

[MajestyJo]

Sunday, August 24, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Step Eight

Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
—Step Eight of Al-Anon

The Eighth Step is not meant to punish us; it is meant to set us free from guilt, anxiety, and discord.

We begin by making a list of everyone we have harmed on our journey, as we have struggled to survive. We have probably done more damage to ourselves than to anyone else, so we put ourselves first on the list.

Often, our tendency is to feel guilty about everything we've ever done, everyone we've come in contract with. That is unearned guilt. Writing helps us clarify whether or not we are punishing ourselves for no reason. But we need to be open to guidance as we work this Step, getting everything out of us and on to paper, so we can be healed.

Once we have made the list, we strive to become willing to make amends to everyone on it because that is how we heal. Making amends does not mean feeling guilty and ashamed and punishing ourselves; it means swallowing our pride and defenses, and doing what we can to take care of ourselves. We become ready to improve our self-esteem by taking responsibility for our behaviors. We become willing to have our relationships with ourselves, others, and our Higher Power restored.

Today, I will open myself to an honest understanding of the people I have harmed. God, help me let go of my defenses and pride. Help me become willing to make amends to those I have harmed, so that I can improve my relationships with others and myself.

There is so much fear around Step Eight because they are thinking Step Nine and having to make the amend.

It takes a lot of self-honesty to do a complete Step 8. We often don't realize how much we have hurt the people around us, we think we are hurting only ourselves.

This is especially not true because we are generally numbed out and not aware how hurtful we can be in active addiction, let alone the person we have become as a result of our disease.

It is about healing and become a new person. Sometimes it is going back to what we were before, but if we didn't have a God back then, then I found it to become a new being who walk with my God.

Amend isn't about saying I am sorry. It isn't about I am sorry, I will try not to do it again. It is about changing so we won't even think of doing it again, then apologize for the person that was and asking for forgiveness to the person who is in today.

I used people, places and things, and in today, I try to the best of my ability not to do that.

I make a list and get honest. Not all the people on the list will require an amend. As it says in AA, "Except when to do so, will harm others and ourselves." Many people have passed on and not a part of my life. I say a prayer for them and if I should cross their path, then I will make that amend. I don't have the money and the transportation to search for them, even if I knew where they are, I just know that God will put them in my path if the need is there. It has happened that way for me.

Some people have passed on, including my parents and I wrote in my journal about them and sent them a letter. My aunt said, "You already apologized dear, you don't have to do it again (after a new bout of awareness), just continue doing what you are doing, you are fine. She did't know the meaning of F.I.N.E. (Frustrated, insecure, neurotic, and emotional).

Have found that some people didn't even see a need for an amend. That was okay, I didn't do it for them, they can accept or not accept, it is about me and my recovery, and my state of mind.

Write down names and you will either cross some off and/or add more. A lot for me were a result of false responsibility and as they say, fear (false evidence appeariing real) and doing and sayiing what I thought I was suppose to do, especially if it made them happy and I thought that was an act or a response I was suppose to make as a result of old tapes.

It was about me getting honest with me.