Step Four

[MajestyJo]

When I wrote my Fourth Step inventory, I carried a notebook around with me day and night. I didn't want to leave anything out. I discovered my first defect--obsession. I was still writing fifteen minutes before I shared my Fifth Step.

As I took this Step and read my words out loud, some of my patterns became clear for the first time. My behavior paralleled that of the alcoholic. The only difference was that I did it sober- insane, but sober. I saw how much I blamed other people for the events in my life, how I took everything personally, and how my reactions to the alcoholic were based on my fears.

I expected to feel differently the next day, but nothing much happened except that I felt very tired and a little fragile. But change had begun. As time went by, when I found myself in situations similar to those I had described in my Fourth Step, I noticed that my reactions were less extreme. Some things that had bothered me terribly no longer mattered. That's when I knew I'd begun to change.

Today's Reminder
I am learning the "nature of my nature" through the Twelve Steps. I trust that I will uncover what I need to know for now, and leave the rest for another time. I am worth learning about.

"When we take Step Five. ..we demonstrate a willingness to change." In All Our Affairs

The Al-Anon workbook Blue Prints to Progress is one of the best Step Four Guides that I have seen. It deals with emotions. Something, many of us find foreign and unable to identify when we come into recovery.

No matter what your addiction was, be it people, places and things, it is a good tool to use to work this Step in today. I was told that if you have too much fear, go back to Step Three. Step Four should follow Step Three as quickly as possible. Don't let the fear of Step Five stop you from Step Four, you can take a little time before you take the next Step.