The Evolving Relationship

[MajestyJo]

The Evolving Relationship

. . . a partner who provided a place to climb.

Once when climbing rocks with friends, a woman reached a place she decided was impossible to move beyond. She wanted to retreat, but her belayer encouraged her to try again. She felt angry and scared, and she was stuck. She fought with the rock, but it was clear that the rock was never going to change. Wanting the rock to be different, to grow new footholds or handholds was futile.

After she vented her feelings, she realized there were only two ways out of her predicament. One way was to quit, and the other was to try again, perhaps with a different mind-set than she had before. Staying with her task in spite of her fear, she began to think of the rock as her friend, as a partner who provided a place to climb. She realized that she did not have to make her friend, the rock, change in order to continue climbing. Her thoughts were more focused, and she was able to make her way up the rock.

Sometimes our partner feels like an immovable rock. It is difficult to stop trying to change our partner and focus on ourselves. When we do, we discover a new direction in our relationship, a new view of our partner, and empowerment for ourselves.

You are reading from the book:

The More We Find In Each Other by Merle Fossum and Mavis Fossum

Posted on my site The Five As in February 2010

I was told that I needed to be complete and whole within myself. I didn't need my partner in my life, I wanted them there. When you get two needy people together, looking for the other to fix them or complete them, you have an unhealthy relationship. Relationships are not 50/50 as much as we would like them to be. Sometimes it is 80/20 or 20/80, and acceptance of that is what made for a healthy relationship for me. Unfortunately for me, I learned a little bit too late.