Steps By The Big Book

[bluidkiti]

Relationship and Sex Turnarounds

For every Second Column and Third Column situation and event, fill in sex and relationship ‘turnarounds.’
Make multiple copies or expand in your notebook.


The nine ‘sex and relationship questions’ (1 - 9)
We reviewed our own conduct over the years past. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate? Whom had we hurt? Did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion or bitterness? Where were we at fault, what should we have done instead? We got this all down on paper and looked at it. (69: 1)
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[1] Where was I selfish? (67: 2) [Concern for self regardless of others. Self-absorbed.]
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[2] Where was I dishonest? (67: 2) [A tendency to deceit, conceal our true character, lack perspective. We believed our own lies.]
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[3] Where was I self-seeking (67: 2) or inconsiderate? (69: 1)? [Concern for self over – or under – others.]
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Where was I frightened? (67: 2) [Habitual anxiety: Afraid of losing something we have, not getting something we want, or of being found out for who we are.]
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[4] Whom did I hurt? (69: 1) [To knock, strike, upset, offend.] (See First Column)
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[5] Where did I arouse jealousy? (69: 1) [Resentment, envy, and fear of being displaced in one’s affections.]
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[6] Suspicion? (69: 1) [Expectation or dread of something wrong.]
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[7] Bitterness? (69: 1) [Animosity. Grievous to the mind, etc.]
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[8] Where was I at fault? (67: 2) [A seismic gap between our own deeply held values or our own instincts in collision. Out of bounds? Miss the mark?]
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[9] What could I have done instead?What should we have done instead? (69: 1)
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Was I selfish? We subjected each relation to this test - was it selfish or not? (69: 2) (Why do we act this way? Because….see p. 338)
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Sane and sound ideals for a future sex / relationship life: We tried to shape a sane and sound ideal for our future sex life. (69: 2)
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Am I willing to grow toward these ideals?Whatever our ideal turns out to be, we must be willing to grow toward it. (69: 3)
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People with whom I will take counsel on sex / relationship matters:Counsel with persons is often desirable... (70: 0)
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Willingto change.
Step 4 Relationship / Sex Turnaround Prayers

• We ask God: We asked God [of our understanding] to mold our ideals and help us to live up to them. (69: 2)
• We let God: …We let God [of our understanding] be the final judge. (70: 0)
• We meditate / pray: In meditation, we ask God [of our understanding] what we should do about each specific matter. (69: 3) We earnestly pray for the right ideal, for guidance in each questionable situation, for sanity, and for the strength to do the right thing. (70: 2)

pp. 63-64