Defects of Character

[MajestyJo]

Self-condemnation/self valuation

Well then--I as about to say self valuation until someone asked me going out the door to be nicer to ME. Huh?!

I can be pretty self critical--not in a condemning way, cuz I'm clear that my worth and value isn't contingent upon 'doing'. But I DO have a tendency to be inventorying all the time and putting a lable on it that apparently makes some folks think I'm putting myself down.

I get how they see it, and I'm thinking I need to be more on the sharing side on how what I do doesn't define my value.
"Oh--THAT was dumb"
"WAY to go, ya dork"
"I'm such a dweeb"
"SOMEday this WILL be gone from my defects list---REALLY!"
And "I'm a liar cheat and a thief--" even said tongue in cheek can give folks the impression that I'm devaluing me.
Me and my sense of humour...

It's not that I'm down on me--and I have no shame about the places I've been and the things I've done. They all brought me to where I am today. They don't define ME. But when I don't give people the whole picture their perception is thwarted and conclussions are drawn.

I don't devalue myself--cuz as a child of G-d my value just IS. But I do contribute to making it look LIKE I don't value me. And this, I need to do something about.

~~~True ambition is the deep desire to live usefully and walk humbly under the grace of G-d.~~~

Posted on another site by graced used with permission. It is awesome to be given that permission and told, anything that I post that will help another, you are free to pass it on.

It is amazing how those old tapes can still come back and haunt the psychic. When I find one running, I try to remember that I may do stupid things, but that doesn't mean I am stupid. I may be a bit crazy, zany, and a bit eccentric, but that is okay today. At least it isn't the insanity of active addiction.

I am grateful that I can validate myself today and not have to go outside of myself for it. I am also glad that when I find myself abusing me I can make amends and give myself some much needed TLC!

No one was more critical and self-abusing than I was. If it wasn't perfect, to my way of thinking, it was wrong. As it says in the Big Book, we need a change in attitude in order to bring about recovery.