Defects of Character

[MajestyJo]

Criticizing/look for the good

I used to spend time looking for validation of my beliefs about life and people--not a whole lot of those beliefs were very positive. I pretty well reeked of pessimism and spent a whole lot of time questioning anything remotely 'good', knowing it came with strings attached and that other 'shoe' was going to fall. G-d was capricious and I knew it.

I like this other side of the coin and trust that all things truly do happen for the good, even if I don't understand it. That doesn't mean I'm always HAPPY about the circumstances, but I'm clear they're simply the circumstances and not my destiny.
I will admit that my 'looking for the good' can sometimes leave people rolling their eyes....LOL Mostly cuz they're looking for validation of their feelings about the circumstances in their life and I'm going on about trusting the greater plan and looking for some good in those circumstances. I GOTTA remember to do that FIRST....maybe the eye rolling will get less? LOL

Graced

Good stuff! I was big on validation, needed it from outside because I could find none within myself. I have always been my own worst task master. I validated the self-abuse by saying, "I don't do or say anything that I wouldn't do for myself!" I do ask for feedback once in a while, I do think it is needed because often my perception can be off. It isn't an ego thing like it was before, but a look at where I am at, and do I need to change the direction I am heading. As much as I would like to think so, I am not always right. I don't always like criticism, but I think when it is given, it is up to me to decide whether it is good or bad. Everyone has their opinion, including me.

What I have a problem with are those who say, "You can't feel this or that" or "You shouldn't feel .....", they are my feelings, but again it is my responsibility to take ownership and put the right label on them. Many times we feel anger and forget that there are other contributing factors such as insecurity, fear, and grief behind it.