Defects of Character

[MajestyJo]

Aware of others/Self-centered

When I am in pain, I can be on both sides of this chip. For the most part though, when in pain, I know it is best to get out of self and help others. It is a good thing that I now post on recovery sites, as I suffer from chronic pain and fatigue, I am grateful for my computer.

When I was using, it was about me with little thought of others. In today, I am much more aware and not only care, try to follow things up with action. There is feeling behind the thought.

When I haven't heard from my sister, I pick up the phone. For me, it is not good to go without contact with family for long periods of time. Unfortunately, for the most part, my family doesn't always feel the same way. Generally there is a want or a need to vent behind the call.

I try to be there for others although one night, even though I set a boundary, it was ignored and I had to reinforce it at 3 a.m. in the morning. I later felt bad, because I had to end a conversation, but the heat was getting to me and my apartment was like a sauna. If they had wanted to talk recovery, I would have made more of an effort to talk. They just wanted to talk and it sounded like they were on a pity party. If someone wants help to change,I am there, if they aren't willing, there is nothing I can do for them. When I was on the AA Help Line, I was told to not to talk to someone who was drunk. They wouldn't remember the next day, and there is just no way you can have a two sided conversation with someone who is drunk or has been using. I made exceptions some times, but only if I was in a place where I could afford to be dumped on.

I am very much guilty of not having patience and tolerance with someone who has asked for help, not taken any steps to change, and are in the same position several months and years later. When that happens, I have to say a prayer for them and for myself.

"Loving is the only sure road out of darkness, the only
serum known that cures self-centeredness." — Rod McKuen