Defects of Character

[MajestyJo]

What triggered this thought was the link I posted which said, "Need to be right." That was oh so me, and can still go there in today.

I really don't like being proven wrong about something. I can accept that I make a mistake, I can accept doing something stupid, but to find that my inner knowing, my truth isn't right, really bothers me. What I came to realize was that it was my truth in the moment. It didn't mean it was wrong, just wrong for the present circumstances and often wrong, according to other people's thoughts, perception, and concepts.

Most people don't like being told the truth. They don't want to hear the words that their habits, customs, and tapes are old, outdated, and no longer necessary and are totally redundant. What worked for me for years no longer serves it's purpose.

It is nice in today to be able to agree to disagree.

November 2010

Agreeable: Ready to consent or submit

Disagreeable: Having a quarrelsome, bad-tempered manner

Very much on the negative side of this chip today. Went to take my medication for my tremon disorder in my left hand and found out I had only one left. Went to renew the prescription and found out from the pharmacy that the doctor had changed the dosage, with no discussion with me, although there is a repeat I can't get it until December. This tremon is now more noticeable in my right hand now and need them more than ever, not less. Without them, I have problems keeping food on my fork, holding a plate still so my food doesn't go flying all over the kitchen.

I am not happy with myself because I didn't take the medication this morning before I went out. I could have gone into the pharmacy and ordered it and had them fax my doctor or called the doctor this morning and I could have gotten in. Now I have wait until Monday which means I won't be able to go out anywhere this weekend. I am hoping to be able to hold my cards to play bridge tonight.

Not in a very agreeable mood today, not my usual cheerful self!

November 2009

What a sad "Oh woe is me" story that is. I guess it is old hat now, I have had two new doctor's since then. The new doctor is doing the same thing, ordering me medication to help me without discussing with me what he is ordering and when I go to pick it up, I find it is something that they have tried me on in the past or as an addict, I refuse to take.

This morning, I was disagreeable with myself. No sleep again last night and this morning, so wasn't in the best of moods. Thankfully, no one else was around!

Since coming into recovery, I am more agreeable because I can see where other people are coming from. My mother taught me many years ago, "It is my way or the highway." Thanks to the program, I have an open mind. As they say, "Just because you have an opinion, doesn't mean you have to express it." That was a real challenge for me and one God and I have to work on daily.