Defects of Character

[MajestyJo]

People - Pleasing

"...approval-seeking behavior carried us further into our addiction..."

NA Basic Text p. 14

When others approve of what we do or say, we feel good; when they disapprove, we feel bad. Their opinions of us, and how those opinions make us feel, can have positive value. By making us feel good about steering a straight course, they encourage us to continue doing so. "People-pleasing" is something else entirely. We "people-please" when we do things, right or wrong, solely to gain another person's approval.

Low self-esteem can make us think we need someone else's approval to feel okay about ourselves. We do whatever we think it will take to make them tell us we're okay We feel good for awhile. Then we start hurting. In trying to please another person, we've diminished ourselves and our values. We realize that the approval of others will not fill the emptiness inside us.

The inner satisfaction we seek can be found in doing the right things for the right reasons. We break the people-pleasing cycle when we stop acting merely to gain others' approval and start acting on our Higher Power's will for us. When we do, we may be pleasantly surprised to find that the people who really count in our lives will approve all the more of our behavior. Most importantly, though, we will approve of ourselves.

Just for today: Higher Power, help me live in accordance with spiritual principles. Only then can I approve of myself.

pg. 107

This was one of my biggest defects of character. I lived my life through others. I was out to please you so you would love me because I didn't love myself.

My addiction was Other People. The more I had in my life, the more people I had who loved me.

I gave up a piece of me, every time I picked up a drug. People were part of my drug, getting new people to accept and love me. I needed you to validate me because I could never find it within myself.

Thanks to this program, I no longer have to do that. It is okay to be me. I have a Higher Power who loves me the way I am, warts and all. I had to learn to accept myself, so I didn't keep looking outside of myself to make me feel better.