Defects of Character

[MajestyJo]

"Cultivating patience helps us tremendously with our program.

We grow in patience when we give God control of our lives and decide to live according to His timetable."
- - Food for Thought

Most times I am patient! NOT!!! This is something I have to practice daily and have had to do so for all my years in recovery. I do admit to it getting better and as much as I hate the saying, "Progress not Perfection" on this I am willing to apply it to because I am not sure I will ever master this.

With my health issues and sleeping patterns, they would surely test the power of Job.

Eating dinner at midnight. Waking up at 5 p.m. All things that are not good for my recovery. True, I am not on a timetable and I don't have anyone else to please or be there for but myself. Yet these hours, don't really give me the time I need to do for me.

It is not healthy to sleep the sunny hours away. I know people do it when they work nights but I am a person who needs sun. Yet having said that, I have never wanted to go to bed at night and I never wanted to get up in the morning. No wonder my body is mixed up, I can't even make up my own mind! LOL!

I am quite patient with others, especially if I see them trying. It is when they don't try and even less patience if I see that they want me to do the work for them.

As I have posted before, I use to push the automatic doors and try not to push them open, but to stand their and wait for them to open. This was at 3 years sober. Today, I have to wait for them with my walker. People are nice and hold door open and I always say thank you, yet I always seem to have problem accepting it, and tell them, "That is fine, I am use to opening and handling doors." It will be a great day when I can just say "Thank You" and leave it there. I am not saying I don't, I am learning, but the old me can still creep back in. I no longer have to justify my existence. It is okay to be me. It is at times like those mentioned and many others, that I lose patience with myself.

Posted originally on another site in 2010

This may seem like old news, but this is one day at a time program. It is better, but I can still go there.

Just because you work on a defect of character, it does come back. I think this is because we happen to be human.