Defects of Character

[MajestyJo]

Quotes on Agreeing/Disagreeing from another site:

Today is my volunteer day. I try to be an agreeable hostess. The only time I have to be disagreeable is when people abuse the service and try to download things that are not compatible to the computers or go to porn sites.

Again it is about how you do it and the words you use. I don't center someone out in front of the whole room, I have a private conversation with them.

Last night my partner took me to task on how I play my hands. He prefaced his statement, "I notice that you don't take time to plan out the play and think before you play a card." My response was "I am an intuitive person. If I stop to think, I often out think or over think a situation and do go with my gut feeling and generally end up messing myself up." It isn't that I don't plan or think, it is generally a process and it takes take me a long time to evaluate what is there and sometimes you just have to try to make something happen and how you can play the hand so you lose as few tricks as possible. If you get lucky and a finesse works, you make your contract. If it doesn't, changes are you are out of luck. Sometimes you have a choice, this or that, and choose wrong. Sometimes you can tell by the bidding, but for some reason the person you think has the card, doesn't.

This is so true in life. Sometimes I can out think things, discount myself, don't listen to that inner voice, and end up in a place I don't want to be. The thing is if I stop and ponder, try to 'figure' things out, I am late, I keep other people waiting, and I miss out on a lot because I am caught up in the "intellect" which doesn't work in this program. I can't think my way into good living.

My sponsor said, "Are you still intellectualizing? Stop it! It doesn't work. Don't question how the program works, just do it!"

If we all thought the same way and didn't disagree what a boring place this would be. I have been known to disagree just to see the outcome. Especially with my ex-husband, it was just a matter of principle. He just wouldn't be right!

As I said, "He had a drinking problem. I had the thinking problem."

In today I can concede, often it is only a point or two. Compromise is a good thing, communication is even a bigger one, and compassion is a true gift. Especially when you can apply it to yourself.

I can often see their side and know where they are coming from, but that doesn't mean I expect them to agree with me. It often helps to know where a person is coming from and the experience they have gone through to reach their decision. I have often found that we come from two different places and often we react or reacted differently. Some internalize, some hit out, some confront, that old passive/aggressive thing, we all handle life differently. I took a class on being assertive in the mid '80s.
May 2009

Although some may think otherwise, I am generally on the agreeable side of this chip. I am pretty easy going and unless I think that my sobriety or that of other's is threatened, I tend to go with the flow. The 12 Traditions helped me to live a more peaceful and agreeable life and showed me the way to live with others.

My friend is visiting from out of town and I am open to anything she wants to do. There are limitations due to my health, and yet if possible, I will try to comply with what she wants. She has been away fro a long time so we are going to her favorite restaurant 'The Black Forest' and I admit, I like it too. We both went for Chinese food on our birthdays, she is an Aires too, so we decided to pass on that.

She wants to go to a NA meeting. The meeting she chose would not have been my choice, but it is her visit and I am open to doing what she wants. I have a meeting from 4-5 p.m. for the volunteers of CAP, and she is willing to wait to go out for dinner until after it is over, although I was willing to forgo the meeting if she wanted to go shopping. I told them that I might not be available for the meeting because her visit is a priority to me.

She is disappointed that the market is closed for renovations, this was a big love for both of us and we often shopped there together. We have a mall we liked to visit too but in today, we both have to conserve our energy and accept our limitations. If she had arrived tomorrow and hadn't made plans with someone else for that day, I wouldn't have been able to see her because of my own commitments.

She was the one who taught me it was okay to agree to disagree. If I hadn't learned that through this program and my sponsor, our friendship would never have survived.

April 2009

There has been a lot of growth in this area for me. I would argue, just for arguments sake. Had to have the last word. My way was the right way. Certainly couldn't let my husband think he was right, heaven forbid! Would choose a team opposite from my husband just to keep the argument going. He cheered for Toronto Argonauts. I cheered for Hamilton Tiger Cats. He would cheer for Calgary Stampeders and I would cheer for Saskatchewan Rough Riders because I liked their green uniforms.

I think I am agreeable on the whole. It takes a lot for me to get really angry and when I do at least I can express it in a healthy way. I can walk away or be confrontational. Last night at bridge one of the ladies who moved to our table asked my partner if he was frazzled or upset. Her partner said, "Not with his partner, she is too easy going." I have been called Ms. Serenity, but that is on the outside, it isn't always that way inside.

January 2009

Most times, I agree to disagree. It is easier that way. Don't do pout, have always had problems keeping my mouth shut to do the silent treatment, so I either walk away or say what is on my mind. Thankfully the mind doesn't think like it use to and I have learned to hesitate and meditate on occasion. Not always when I should, and sometimes I speak and then realize it was better left unsaid.

January 2009