Defects of Character

[MajestyJo]

In early recovery, I didn't think I had any faults after I quit using. After all, I was raised to be a good Christian girl.

It took me awhile to recognize that to err is human. I didn't want to admit to being human let alone the error. When I heard people say, "Well I am only human you know," I would get a resentment. I felt as though they used the saying as a cop out. They use their humanness to not change.

In today, I tell it as it is. What you see is what you get. As a friend said to me on Messenger the other night, "g/f you are just 2 2 funny. I never know what is going to come out of your mouth next."

Before recovery, it was all about the blame game. It was every one elses fault and the world owed me a favor as I was so hard done by.

Today I embrace change. I don't want to be that person any more. She was not very likeable. She still has a lot of work to do on herself. God and I work on it one day at a time.

Before recovery, I thought I was the best. I thought I was being the best me I could be. I also learned that you can't know what you were never taught. I was very isolated on the farm growing up and didn't have a lot of people skills. I didn't have a best friend until I was 17. When I met her, I was the follower. As my disease progressed, I became the leading authority.

So glad that it is progress not perfection.

Posted in 2011

Caught myself the other day blaming my son. I know that when I do that, it is about me and my attitude and it is time to take my own inventory.

Liken this little angel, I am not in tune with my God. When you find yourself talking just to hear yourself, talking to be the leading authority, talking to project your stuff onto others, talking to manipulate and change someone else, for the most part it is a lot of hot air.

I know if I find myself there, I know it is time to have a little talk with my God. If it is all of the above, then I have to have a BIG talk and then make sure I stop talking and listen.



Hope I don`t come across like that, it is not my motive and intent. I am just trying to share my experience, strength and hope with others.