Defects of Character

[MajestyJo]

Patient/Impatient

This is something I have to practice daily but even more vigilant when things don't seem to be 'going' my way. I found myself out and about at the mall today and not having too much patience for the people around me. Everyone seemed to want to walk through me and it was like I was invisible even though I am pushing a walker. Everyone seems to be in such a rush to go from point A to point B and not interested in looking at the scenery or meeting the people along the way.

It reminded me of my life prior to recovery where I had tunnel vision and looked at life through rose-coloured glasses and life was all about me with no thought of anyone else.

I am careful about praying for patience as it seems my God has a sense of humour and sends things along that I have to learn to tolerate and to practice on.

Something I wrote in 2010 about trying to apply the program to my life:

Had a real test of patience today while waiting for my friend at the hospital. When I see a line up and people waiting and then hear and see staff talking and not 'getting with it' and have little conflabs, I wanted to go up and say, "People we are in a hurry. My friend has a two hour bus ride home. She needs to be out of here!"

I didn't say anything, just thought it but shared the feeling with her. I had to look back at my own work ethics and how often I didn't focus on my own job. Pay back can be a real b*tch.

I went with her to the bus terminal, ususally we go into the mall but we were both tired. The bus I could have taken to the mall to pick up my library book left just as hers pulled in so I made the decision to go home instead of waiting.

It was nice to just sit on my walker in the sun. There was a time I wouldn't have been able to do that. To just sit there and just be and do nothing was impossible. Today I forgot my book and had nothing to read while I was waiting. I looked at a couple of magazines but for the most part I did a little meditating, centered myself, and tried to relax and let go of my pain.

One day at a time, we do get better. Other days, we can be right back there, wondering what happened but thankfully, there are tools to bring us back into the moment and the day. Just because I have a feeling, I don't have to act it out.