Defects of Character

[MajestyJo]

When I am in pain, I can be on both sides of this chip. For the most part though, when in pain, I know it is best to get out of self and help others. It is a good thing that I now post on six sites besides this one, as I have been in a lot of pain lately.

When I was using, it was about me with little thought of others. In today, I am much more aware and not only care, try to follow things up with action. There is feeling behind the thought.

When I haven't heard from my sister, I pick up the phone. For me, it is not good to go without contact with family for long periods of time. Unfortunately, for the most part, my family doesn't always feel the same way. Generally there is a want or a need to vent behind the call.

I try to be there for others although last night, even though I set a boundary, it was ignored and I had to reinforce it at 3 a.m. this morning. I later felt bad, because I had to end a conversation, but the heat was getting to me and my apartment was like a sauna. If they had wanted to talk recovery, I would have made more of an effort to talk.

More from 2011

The nice thing is that people give in different ways. We all have our niche, a place we can identify with, while at other places we would be totally lost. We give the way we can.

Today was a good example. In the elevator today, on my way home from downtown, I spoke to a lady who lives in my building. She had been waiting for the bus with me, and got off the bus a stop before I did. We ended going up in the elevator together. She never spoke or acknowledged me, often in the past, she wouldn't respond even if I said hello. She always seems to have this sour, grumpy look on her face, and I feel bad and sad for her. She didn't smile but she did respond when I talked to her.

How awful to go through life and be unaware of the people around you. Even worse, not caring about them and shutting yourself off from them. I had those walls up for far too many years. I know it gives me a lift when someone says hello when they pass me on the street.

For me, recovery belongs inside and outside of the meeting rooms and needs to be practiced in my home, at work, and in the community.